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Babies: 3 - 6 Months
I need some advice...it might be a little TMI
So lately me and DH's sex life is pretty sad. Last night it lasted a whole 5 minutes, I'm not exaggerating.
He basically lays there while I do all the work and I have to initiate it every time, no enthusiasm out of him, he shows no desire in foreplay, nothing.
I asked him after what was going on and he replied with "you're the mother of my child, it's weird."
I have about 15 pounds to go to get back to my pp weight and I'm breastfeeding. He makes me feel like I'm this disgusting blob and doesn't want to touch me with a 10 foot pole. I wonder if it's because I'm BFing and he is weirded out by it? He's never said anything about me Bfing weirds him out but I wonder if that is the problem.
Is anyone else having sex issues with their DH's? I can't keep asking him what's going on because I don't want to sound like I'm nagging him and turn him off even more but I don't know what to do. A sex therapist would be out of the question, he would just get insulted. I'm at a loss.
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Re: I need some advice...it might be a little TMI
There's a reason for you, you're on medication. Is it frustrating for you or does it not really bother you?
Afterwords last night he felt bad, I think? was trying to cuddle with me but I wanted nothing to do with him I was so upset.
If the BFing thing is what bothers him then maybe I will stop. I hate to stop BFing for my own selfish needs but I need to work on my relationship with my husband, I don't know what else to do.
COuld you maybe get LO out of the house for a few hours and then try to have sex? Sometimes the thought of baby just being near is enough to kill the mood.
I don't think it has anything to do with you physically, he may not be able to emotionally reconcile the two.
Francesca Pearl is here! Josephine Hope is almost 3!
I would not stop breastfeeding because you think your husband may find it weird!!!!
You need to sit down with him and ask what is the problem. He needs to be honest with you, and you need more specifics than "You're a mother." Find out what he means by that.Sorry to hear you are going through this.
My DH was more weirded out when I was pregnant because the baby was "literally right in front of him" so we barely had sex. Now he doesn't really touch the boobage because I BF, but he initiates more than I do.
I'm not sure if I'm much help, but maybe you can try different positions or go out on a date alone (just the two of you) so you can rekindle any lost romance.
Sometimes when we become parents it's hard to do anything like that together but it helps in keeping any sparks alive.
Hope things work out for you.
I'm the same as PP--my DH has to initiate all the time. I always tell myself I will initiate it but I never follow through. BF'ing kills my desire, I'm 15 lbs heavier than before gtg preg so I don't feel attractive & LO sleeps in our bed so I never feel like doing it. I feel bad for my DH so I am gonna make it a point to initiate once a week--I feel like we're disconnecting because of it & that's the last thing I want.
I would talk to your hubby if I were you though cuz his remark would bother me. I would ask him what he meant by that. You are always going to be the mother of his child so does that mean he doesn't view you as sexually attractive anymore?! I would dig deeper if I were you...
His comment obviously didn't reside well with me, I told him that I will always be a mother but I'm also his wife. Maybe we do need a date night.
I do want to bring it up to him again, but like I said I don't want to seem like I'm nagging him about it, there's nothing sexy about nagging!
This exactly. The relationship with your husband is important but if it is in fact the BF thing, then he needs to deal with that. It is such a short period of time in your life and it is best for your LO. I think you need to talk to him and find out what is going on. If that doesn't work, just going to a regular counselor, not a sex one, may help. Communication is the key here.
There is a problem that needs to be addressed in your marriage if communication is nagging to him.
It would have hurt my feelings too. I think a date night would be a great idea. Could someone take your LO for a night? (I know it's not easy w/ BF, but it would be better than giving it up all together!) You could plan a romantic night out and then see how it goes that night. I would also try to talk to him about it. Just tell him that the comment hurt your feelings and you just want to do whatever you can to help things out. I don't think that would seem "naggy". I would hate to see you give up BF.
I worry that DH will not find me as sexy b/c of the BF. I can't imagine it's easy when he watches me pump in the a.m. before work. That is no where near sexy. I also am hesitant to let him near them b/c of the milk.
I really hope the date night helps, I think it will!
Is he maybe feeling a little neglected because your focus is on the baby all the time? Maybe he feels like you are more interested in the baby than in him and he's depressed about it and those feelings are spilling over into your sex life? Guys go through all sorts of changes after a new addition to the family. He may be feeling extra pressure about finances, being a good dad, etc.
I agree with PPs that you should find someone to watch LO and do something fun together, just the two of you, then go somewhere that you can talk about your feelings. He needs to put on his big boy pants and tell you. If you keep things bottled up and he does the same, it will be a downward spiral.
Don't be hard on yourself. I'm sure it's not the extra 15 lbs. Sounds to me like he has something going on internally that he's gotta deal with. Good luck mama.
Thanks for the advice ladies, I know talking about it is the best thing but he really isn't into talking and getting in touch with his feelings. I have tried asking about going to counseling before but he never wants to. I also think if I just made an appointment and said we were going he would freak out, so I'm kind of stuck.
I think he knows there's a problem but he may feel emasculated talking about it, or owning up to his issues. I think I'm going to have to get creative in figuring out how to get him to a therapist.
Sorry I was a P&R before. It does bother me, but if he wasn't intersted in sex either it wouldn't, I'd be happy to go about sexless for awhile. I figure it will come back eventually. I didn't have much of a sex drive before the medication, the meds just make it not as fun to have sex, even though emotionally I'm feeling better.
I agree with everyone on the date night thing, I think that might help him and talking to him. I would give it a little time after talking to him and if it doesn't get better talk to him about counseling. Good luck! I hope things get better for you!