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September 2011 Moms
Okay, 2+ timers...out with it
So the "just you wait" comments have come up a few times on this and other boards. I'm not a fan of them (a lot of it is the tone they convey), but I do get why people say that. So here's my 2-part question for you. What's one thing you planned on doing that you stuck with, and what's one thing you did differently than you thought you would?
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Re: Okay, 2+ timers...out with it
I planned on EBF'ing for a year. I lasted 11 months before DS quit on his own, so I would say I stuck with that.
I said I wouldn't let DS eat junk food and sweets, and I didn't for the first year, but now he has some junk, not a lot and not every day, but I do let him try different things, and the little monster loves his cookies.
My blog: Midwest Chaos
question 1: dropped the paci by 5 months
question 2: i almost want to say everything else, but it's not quite that bad. there's a LOT of things I thought I would do and didn't, that I said I would never do and did, and nothing was as easy as I thought it would be. I spent a lot of time with my foot in my mouth his first year. and sometimes still do.
ETA: I will elaborate: Said I wouldn't cosleep, but we did. Said he wouldn't be sleeping in his crib until at least 3 months, made the switch at 4 weeks. Said he would be off the bottle at 13 months, took us until 15. Said he would be off purees at whatever month I said, but it took us until 15 because of texture issues. Said I wouldn't need a leash. ha. Said I wouldn't let him be entertained by the tv, but he is sometimes. Other things that I think will take us longer than I anticipated: getting off the sippy/straw cup and pting. Oh, said I wouldn't open food in the grocery store to keep him quiet, but I definitely do that when needed. I was all prepared to do sleep training at 4-6 months and ended up not needing it until we moved and had to do it at 1 year. it's mostly little things, but you get the idea.
1. breatfeed 12+ months for both
2. sleep with them in my bed. I also had a c/s (and then a repeat). I was so sure I was going to be able to birth my babies no matter how big they were that I didn't even pay attention to the c/s talk during birthing class. I was completely and utterly unprepared to have a c/s and then all of a sudden after 26 hours of labor and my son being stuck, I ended up with an emergency c/s. I was devestated and it took me a long time to get over. I think if I had been more open about what was going to happen during labor it would have been easier on me.
1: I said I would never do co-sleeping, I couldnt sleep when she was in bed with us...too scared I was going to crush her.
2: the pacifier....I said I would take it away at one...she still has it..and there are many more things too ;p
I have to admit I didn't go into motherhood with alot of rules, what I would or wouldn't do, so it was actually kind of hard for me to come up with answers to this. But there were a few.
I stuck with not doing CIO. I never thought it was something I wanted to do, and then when it was my turn, my feelings never changed and no matter how bad it got I just didn't do it.
I gave him a paci. I thought if I never gave him one, I'd never have to break him of it. But that all changed VERY quickly, like pretty much from the beginning. And I let him keep it until he was 2.5 years old and weaned from it himself.
stuck to my guns on: BFing as long as possible, took the pacifier away at 6 months, never co-slept, made all his purees, eat healthy balanced meals now as a family, no screen time at all (we dont have TV, he isn't interested in the iPad or computer), get outside for fresh air every day.
surprised me: we Ferberized when no one in our house was getting any sleep and we were all miserable - best decision we could have made and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. that's sort of it, I didn't actually have that many things I ate my words on.
The "just you wait and see" comments are extremely annoying...however, the majority of the time it is said - its true! Nothing and no one can possibly prepare you for whats to come. It is different for everyone but as hard as you may try to imagine your new coming life - its impossible to comprehend until it actually hits.
I had planned to EBF until he was one - I lasted until he was 6 months and while it was hard to deal with at first because I left like I was failing him - it was ultimately the best thing for both he and I.
I said we would never co-sleep because I have heard horror stories of co-sleeping parents who then couldnt get the child to sleep in his or her own bed. DS has never and will never sleep with us.
I know the "just you wait" comments are horribly annoying - I still get them! - but I think we women are programmed to say them, LOL.
My biggest "rules" coming into parenting have been pretty easy to stick to so far. My kids will rear face until 2, I made all of DD's baby food and will for the next one. We did not Ferber (nothing wrong with Ferber in general, just not the right choice for us). We are in the middle of the Sleep Lady Shuffle instead and it is MAGIC.
I said no bottles/pacifier past a year. DD will be 13 months tomorrow and still gets an AM and PM bottle, though I hope to have them both gone in the next few weeks. She also still gets her pacifier for bed and naps, but as soon as we finish sleep training, the nuk is gone.
DD1 Feb 2010
DD2 Sept 2011
I planned on BF (although I had no set time length) and I did stick to that with both boys for a while.
As for things I did/do that I thought I never would? There's handfuls of them. Be pressured in to an induction resulting in a C-section, let my baby sleep on his tummy, get into the routine of having to rock/hold baby to get him to fall sleep, co-sleep (it's just so easy in the beginning when you're nursing to fall asleep while they eat beside you!), use treats/candy as incentive (I thought that was bribing... now I see it as rewarding), believe it's really ok to let Baby cry (scream) for a bit while I get something done (this took me until my second to really be ok with). And I'm sure there's lots more!
DH and I made the decision that DS would not watch TV until 2 years old. I'm really glad we've stuck with this decision. There has been a few times where he's watched the Wiggles show (it's an educational/music-oriented show) at grandparent's house, but only a couple of times.
I'm having a hard time coming up with something we said we'd never do and then did anyway. We knew we were clueless going in to it - and so far the decisions we've made have worked for us. Who knows what will happen once we add another baby into the equation!
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I think that is crucial! I have a friend who had her #2 in 2010, and I think it was rougher than the first because she wanted them to be the same. #2 was just a different kid, but she really got hung up on it and I feel bad for #2 sometimes because she's frustrated with him for just being him.
I've found myself biting my tongue SO MANY TIMES before saying that phrase...because you're right, I *hated* it, too. But in some cases, there's just nothing else to say!
I planned on breastfeeding, and I stuck with it....and actually exceeded my expectations. It was horribly painful in the beginning, but I became *so* emotionally attached to it that I was determined to see it through. My initial goal was 6 months. Then 9 months. Then 12 months...we ended up weaning at 13.5 months at my midwife's urging. I could've continued, but wanted my breasts back for a short while.
I was adamently against co-sleeping. That was one of those things that I said, "under NO circumstances will we bed share. I'm NOT getting stuck in that trap." Boy, did I eat my words on that one. In those first few months, there are moments of desperation where you'll do *anything* for a few precious moments of sleep...and sometimes that includes the very thing you always said you'd never do. We didn't co-sleep on a regular basis, but I'd often bring DS into bed with me when he'd wake in the wee hours of the morning and I was desperate for just another 45 minutes....
There are lots of others, but that's my main one.
We didn't come into it with much of a list either way. That said -
1. I said I would BF as long as both the baby and I were happy with it ... we did until DS self-weaned at 15 months.
2. I expected to follow food guidelines to the letter with DS, but we ended up using BLW, which was much more relaxed than I expected to ever be! As well, I expected to be a bit more "in charge" of when he would do things - i.e. sleep through the night, give up the bottle, etc. - but have found that DS does best when he chooses a bit more. Once he decides he is ready, consider it done.
And as others have said, I am fully anticipating that parenting #2 will be a different sort of adventure based on the personality. Looking forward to it!
the other thing i see a lot is comparing milestones. if the second one doesn't sit as early, or crawl, or walk, or talk as much. i see moms start to worry and stress because they dont do the same things at the same time as the first, when really, the second one is perfectly healthy, just doing things at their own rate.