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Babies: 6 - 9 Months
I don't get it-vent
I don't post much anymore since LO was born but I'm having a hard time right now. My oldest son is from a previous relationship and I took care of him on my own....I thought having a baby when your married was something that is team work, or that DH would be somewhat helpful. I've battled depression for many years but have been without insurance since Dec and won't have any until Aug so therefore I've been off my antidepressents for 3 months. DH works and I stay home...which is what I wanted. I just assumed that when he came home he'd help with LO or at least want to play with him and spend time with him, but he always seems to have something else to do. He's a manager of a business and their season is just beginning but they aren't busy yet, but he always finds reasons to work, and I know he is at work but if he can get off in time to see LO before bedtime I don't understand why he doesn't. I'm exhausted, frustrated and haven't felt well for about 2 weeks now and developed a terrible ear ache yesterday. He tells me if I'm getting overwhelmed to call him and he'll try to get over early...I called him once and he got home right before LO went to bed and rather then put him to bed he went and watched TV. I think what really bothers me is I knew with our oldest son that I was on my own taking care of him but I thought when your married that it was different...and it's been like this since LO was born. DH is leaving for basic and AIT in Aug and will be gone for 7 months and talks about how LO won't know who he is and so on but in all reality LO hardly knows now because he doesn't spend anytime with him. I've tried talking to him multiple times and he doesn't get it. I'm tired of him coming in once in a blue moon to get LO when he's upset and LO wants nothing to do with him and only wants me and yet DH complains about it...but LO spends all his time with me, from the time he wakes up until he goes to bed. I know being depressed isn't helping me at all but I really thought parenting and caring for our baby would be in some way something we'd do together...but apparently not. I just wish he'd want to be here with us and would want to spend time with LO...but as he says LO isn't "fun" yet. 
If you have anything sh*tty to say please just keep it to yourself. Thank you!
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Re: I don't get it-vent
*HUGS* I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
YGPM
If I start to feel like this I tell DH that he's taking care of LO for the night and pretty much dump him in his lap. Your LO is 6 months now, they are much for fun and DH needs to realize that. I would definitely make him come home from work earlier. Especially if he's going to be leaving for 7 months coming up. No excuses, he needs to step up now. Oh and sometimes when I do dump LO off onto DH I can tell DH is all huffy about it and gets frustrated but hello that's because he isn't comfortable with it.
One thing that helps for me (before I get to my breaking point and just hand off LO) is to make DH do the things with me. I make him help with the bath, fill the tub, get a towel, then I will bathe DS and then give him to DH to dry and clothe him. So I make it a team effort thing. And yes I do kinda force it. If not of course DH would be happy to let me do most of it. (In your case all of it)
Does he at least verbally prasise you for raising his child?
If he ever has a day off just hand off LO and go to the mall without your cell phone
Then he might appriciate you a bit more.
Some dads have a really hard time with the baby stage, and do much better once the baby talks/walks/plays with toys, etc. Not saying your DH's behavior is necessarily excuseable though - and I think you are entitled to be upset/disappointed. Every mom wants to see the baby's father bond with the baby, but sometimes that bonding takes time. Neither DH or I bonded well with DD1 until she was 6+ months (she was colic-y, reflux-y, and about the grumpiest baby ever).
My best advice is to communicate with your DH more about how you are feeling and ask that he help more. Sounds like you are feeling somewhat abandoned, and even more so since you've been a single mom before.
See the problems is he doesn't get home from work until after LO is already in bed! Which I think he does on purpose. The only time he praises me for taking care of LO is when I'm really frustrated....which honestly doesn't make me feel any better. I don't have a choice but to take care of him and I love taking care of him....but I don't get why he thinks he has a choice. It's his son too and I tried to explain to him that giving him his bath or feeding him dinner is spending time with him! He just doesn't seem to get it. Yet there was one time I had to drive a friend 3 hours away and I left the baby with DH and he called not 2 hours later and then had to call a friend to come help him with the baby....did he not get it then that it's not as easy as he thinks. I hate hearing him b*tch and complain about how he's gonna miss time with LO when he's gone yet he doesn't try to spend time with him now.
exactly. I feel like I'm a single mom again. And I've told him that and told him how I feel...he says he'll do stuff differently and 2 days later it's back to the same crap. =( We didn't get together until my oldest was 3....which DH considered him to be fun and he has always done get with him. I just wish he would want to spend time with LO since before we know it he'll be gone for 7 months. =/
Have you tried explaining to him the way you feel?
My DH can space out sometimes and not get involved, but they are men, with short attention spans.
I will also ask him for help with the baby..like the OP - I'll ask him to get me bib for LO, ask him suction his nose before bed (constantly running and he does it better) watch him while I take a shower...ect. Asking him to get involved w/o really asking.
If all else fails, def. take a day off!
my dh started out the same way, but there came a time that I just said you know the reason that he fusses when you have him is because he doesn't spend enough time with you...I think that hit it home for him. He does at times start to slack off & as much as it stinks that I have to constantly ask him to do things when I ask him to do specific things he will gladly to do them. I would start asking him to come home at a specific time at least 3 days a week & let him know again how much you need the help & want him to take an interest in the lo's life...And then next time after those couple days don't let him off the hook....sometimes I think they just don't know what to do or how to help unless we say specifically do this or that. I really hopes it gets better for ya soon!! as for the depressed deal have you checked into free or sliding scale clinics? most states have something for people that don't have insurance, if you need any help send me a pm & i'll be happy to help ya out with it! After our lo was born I started going to therapy & am SO glad I did!! It helped me TONS! Much
& many Hugs!!