How to get my 13yo to get to sleep at a decent hour

Sammysu · March 2011

My 13yo DD will be up over half the night squirming around and has the hardest time falling asleep. She is currently sharing a room with the other two girls until we move (in June) and she is waking them up every night due to this. I have tried talking to her, I have tried early bedtimes... I don't know how to get her in bed and ready for bed to actually go to sleep. I was thinking maybe allowing her to take her Ipod to bed with her but then that goes along with the possibility of her staying up singing and listening to music all night. Some mornings it affects her a whole lot in getting ready for her day and others I won't notice a difference until later on in the day when she is extra moody and tired. She has always done this to some degree where she fights her sleep to the fullest even when she is super tired but these past few months it has really starting affecting the other girls and is getting on DH and my nerves because of how she behaves the next day due to lack of sleep.

I don't want to be giving her meds for sleeping but I don't know how to nip this in the butt. Any suggestions?

ValAndRyan · March 2011

Maybe shut off all TV/radio/computer an hour before she goes to bed. How about reading before bed. That always gets me sleepy. maybe waking up earlier would get her really tired for at night?

Since she still fights sleep at 13, maybe talk to the ped and see what they say. I Maybe a very mild mild sleeping pill - I know tylenol is very mild.

neverblushed · March 2011

What time is bedtime for her? If she's being "put to bed" at the same time as the little ones because they share a room for the time being, she may legitimately have trouble falling asleep.

Can she shower at night, after the little ones are in bed, and then read with a flashlight for a while? That would push her bedtime back a bit, and maybe help her body and brain calm down and relax so that she can fall asleep at a more reasonable time and be less likely to wake the little ones up.

Another thought: When we go camping, all four members of our family stay in the same camper. Of course, DH and I usually wind up going in and out of the camper several times after the kids are in bed. It's never a problem. Once my kids fall asleep, they're OUT, and it takes a lot of noise to wake them up. Which makes me wonder if your older DD is waking the little ones up on purpose, to show her frustration with this arrangement? Once my kids are asleep, it would take a heck of a lot of "squirming around" from a roommate to wake them up.

Sammysu · March 2011

I never thought of it the way you are putting it. She does go to bed at the same time as the LO's. I think I may have to put them to bed first. We started putting them all to bed at the same time because DH works soo many hours that they only time we have alone is maybe an hour after the kids go to bed each night so we put them to bed then hang out and watch a show or just hang out. We have tried later bed times and earlier bed times but with the same thing happening. She does shower at night time. It's funny you mention the thing about her waking the other two up and until last night, that did not cross my mind but, last night she thought I was asleep and I was standing outside the door to try and figure out if she was out of her bed or not and she was laying in her bed whispering loudly her baby sisters name. So... that is an issue...

I hope when we move this isn't an issue because the girls bedrooms are across the house from our bedroom but I think I am going to have her start reading for an hour at night. We send her to bed at 9pm generally, sometimes 8 if she is misbehaving and wakes up 7am, sometimes 6:30.

juliane2004 · March 2011

-auntie-:
Pardon my being blunt, but it seems like you don't really understand sleep as it applies to teenagers. Thirteen is physiologically not a child.

Some random thoughts-

1. A sure fire way to exacerbate sleep issues in your home is to use an earlier bedtime as a punishment. This may be why she "fights" sleep, you've trained her to. Not cooperating with you is her way of asserting some control over what should be more or less an autonomous behavior on her part assuming she's a reasonably typically developing kid.

2. Is this a second marriage for you? I wonder if she feels as if you are banishing, i.e. "putting her away" so that you can have some private time with your husband. This isn't a great strategy. Given her age, it might make better sense to leave her in charge and go out alone once in a while. If she's not capable, get a sitter.

3. It's useful to understand the developmental stages as they relate to sleep. I won't deny that some of what you are up against is willful behavior on your DD's part. But much of this is physiologically determined.

https://www.sleepfoundation.org/article/hot-topics/adolescent-sleep-needs-and-patterns

4. For starters, she needs 2 hours less sleep than either of her sisters. You can send her to bed, but you can't make her sleep. By sending her before she is ready for sleep, you are setting her up for a cycle of unsuccessful sleep.

5. The other piece that may have kicked in is the circadian rhythm issues associated with adolescence. Most teens will, unchecked, reset their internal clocks forward if allowed. It's important to send her to bed ready to sleep and not let her oversleep on weekends if this is an issue for her.

6. And the Tylenol? Not a great idea. Few medications are as toxic to the liver as Tylenol. Save it for when she needs it.

https://www.medpagetoday.com/Psychiatry/Depression/2233

This.

I think it's odd to put all three of your children (who are widely spaced in age) to bed at the same time, in the same room. Are your other two having problems sleeping too? I wouldn't be surprised if they were.

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