I'm back - barely...

Well  - I am at work anyway.  Not functioning at even 50%.  My brain has shut down.

Yesterday was emotionally and physically draining. The hardest parts were that it just took me back to two years ago when my bil died.  Now all those memories have come crashing through again. 

It was a beautiful service that lasted over three hours long.  My DH and I stayed in the cemetary with Bil as they closed the vault and lowered it into the ground.  I am just so sad.  Doug was a wonderful person who had so much more to do in this life.  His 23rd birthday would be a week from today. 

Another hard part is at the end of the funeral - after the cemetary - when everyone left - they go about their daily lives as usual.  Except for the family who is left to miss and mourn him and my bil.  His life has forever been changed and he's got a long road to go to even begin to regain some sense of normalcy.  I fear for him every minute.  Depression runs deep in my DH's family - he suffers from it as well and has some pretty low low days.  This funeral has been hard on him because Doug was like a little brother to him.  I grieve for his six brothers and sisters who lost the youngest of them.  They were a very close family but I know from experience - even the close families can fall apart with a tragedy like this. 

This sucks and I just feel that I have to emotionally be there for everyone else.  I am trying to get through this myself but this has taken a huge hunk out of our hearts and makes of question alot of things in life. 

I ask the you continue to pray for strength for my bil.  He's going to need it. 

Thank you for listening and letting me vent...