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TTC After a Loss
lorlei13
member
"I'm not telling you it's gonna be easy. I'm telling you it's gonna be worth it." -Art Williams
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the universe." - Albert Einstein
*|*| Nightly Confessions |*|*
lorlei13
member
What do you need to confess tonight ladies?
?
?
*** Just a reminder -? the Nightly Confessions post is not so much about what you are doing this evening but more to confess something that you did today that you wouldn't tell anyone else.***
"I'm not telling you it's gonna be easy. I'm telling you it's gonna be worth it." -Art Williams
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the universe." - Albert Einstein
This discussion has been closed.
Re: *|*| Nightly Confessions |*|*
I broke into the Easter candy stash to feed the depression I've been in this week.
I think the dark chocolate dipped Peeps are fantastic. I might like them more than stale regular Peeps.
I had been hiding the candy in the bread maker on the counter and DH had no idea...until he saw me sneaking in for some pretzel M&Ms (the ones I bought for him. Yeah there are like 3 left in the giant bag.
I went to go get a quick bite to eat with my pg sis today. She ends up showing me a picture of the crib (that I helped bring back to her place because her baby's father is a worthless little turd) all set up with all the bedding. It looks soooooo cute. It was like a stab in the heart. I've spent the remainder of my day moping around in my pjs and surviving off of cold fries and ding dongs.
Why is getting (and staying) pregnant so easy for some people?
Dx with Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome (APS)
BFP #4 5/14/12
5/17/12...1st Betas- 176, P4 3.6
5/22/12...2nd Betas- 207, P4 6.1 (MC confirmed)
I had a breakthrough during my breakdown last night. I feel like I am TTCAL/AL.
I finally blurted, through my bawling, that it felt like everyone has their Dad AND their babies.
Having lost my Dad (3/25/10) and our baby (12/6/10) in the same year feels so unfair and I have such a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that life isn't fair. I know so many people lose one or both of their parents too soon, but I still don't think it's fair and I still don't want to accept it. I also know that miscarriage happens to many people but I just don't know why it happened to us.
I know there aren't reasons for many things that happen in life (especially the bad, sucky things) but it's just how I feel right now even if most people wouldn't understand.
I'm sending you ((big hugs)).
Dx with Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome (APS)
BFP #4 5/14/12
5/17/12...1st Betas- 176, P4 3.6
5/22/12...2nd Betas- 207, P4 6.1 (MC confirmed)
I spent over an hour on shutterfly attempting to put one of those books together in honor of my Logan...only to end up listening to "Broken" (Lifehouse), near tears, and asking DH if I'm a bad mommy for "making a book online instead of scrapbook, since I plan to make a scrapbook for all our future children..." I confessed to DH I don't have the heart right now....
I just feel broken. And I feel like AF is on the way....another failure.
::Hugs::
Don't feel bad at all about making an online scrapbook. They come out AMAZING and you will have it forever to cherish. Also, if something, god forbid, ever happened or you lost it, you can just order a new one.
I made one on Shutterfly last summer in memory of my Dad especially for our future LOs to be able to know him. It came out really nice and I was able to easily order multiple copies for my sisters who also appreciated it.
My heart is broken in to little tiny pieces... and I dont know what to do... I feel like a failure as a woman, a failure as a Mommy, a failure as a wife, I just hurt.
and I am starting to dread going to work everyday because being an infant teacher... there are ALWAYS reminders...
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change. The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Hug to you on the eve of the anniversary of your dads death..It does suck and it does cause me to have a breakdown on a regular basis. My dad died on july 27th 2010 and then i lost my baby on jan 11 2011....There are few people who can say that they know how you feel...but i know how you feel.
i dont want to accept my fathers death or my DD death...and yet each day that i wake up its still real. This is a new way that i have to learn to live. The "old days" are gone and now i must figure out a way to live in today. Its hard and it sucks and most days i shed a tear for them.
there is nothing fair about it. i have wracked my brain and tried to figure out how something like this can happen and i never come up with anything. All i know is that the crosses we carry are heavy. there is never going to be a day where the cross is not there. some days it will feel lighter than others...but it will always be our cross to carry.
Hugs to you for tomorrow and the days ahead.
DC#2 born silent at 22 weeks 1.11.11
Dc#3 born vbac 1/2012 <bra DC#4 born VBAC 3/2014
Hugs. I'm so sorry.
This! You are an incredible mom to Logan. A Shutterfly scrapbook is nothing to feel badly about. You're able to make the pictures look there best, AND have the ability to make more copies.
Hugs
I had 4 thin mints after my workout tonight. I'm justifying it as ok because I'm still below my calorie goal for the day.
I've gained 5 pounds since I've started working out and counting calories. Ugh. I am hoping it's because it's period week for me and I'm not stuck going in the wrong direction.
I'm incredibly relieved FH officemate won't be in the office tomorrow OR at all next week - woohoo! thank goodness for every 3rd week... I'll be living for that the next 3 months!
I'm grumpy I can't have a freaking drink this weekend and I'm panicking about what the eff I'm going to eat w/ no gluten on the menu. Naturally its all I want and our house is stocked w/ bread and pasta. Not a good way to start this.
Let me know if you have any questions about going gluten free. I've been doing it for almost a month this time around and I did it when I got pregnant a few months ago. We're going to a taco place tomorrow night (corn tortillas instead of flour). Go buy yourself some Chex cereal and Rice Krispies treats, it helps to have some carbs in the house that you can actually eat!
As for my confession, I should be studying for my licensing exam that I'm taking in one week, but instead I'm playing on thebump
Thanks, Taurus....I'm so sorry you have had to deal with two losses in one year, also. I truly appreciate your words.
Thanks, Mille