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Single Parents
So much for Oxford
I am in a bit of a sticky situation. I am 21 and I live with my mother. The father of my soon-to-be child (19) and I don't exactly like eachother, at all. I had broken up with him in December, several weeks before finding out that I was pregnant. He had become obnoxious and even without being pregnant, I could no longer stand him. I found out that I was pregnant the day after Christmas then told him a few days later.
He was excited and I was doing my best to be nice and include him. BUT after a few weeks I began to get fed up with his inabilitiy to respect my personal space. He would try to kiss me and be around me all of the time. As you can imagine, my tolerance for him was lessened by being hormonal and cranky. So I stopped going to visit him. This, of course, made him angry. He began going up to my male friends that he knew that I spoke to frequently and started telling them that HE was my kids dad and trying to scare them away from talking to me. It was as if he was trying to get rid of any potential 'replacements'.
I approached him and asked him to stop interfering with me and my male friends. I told him that I who I spoke to was my business and that my seeing someone else would not change who my kids father would be. He got angry and started cussing at me (he literally told me that he was 'trying to be a homie about it' I AM NOT YOUR HOMIE, thanks). He said that he wouldn't talk to me anymore and asked that I keep him updated.
So now I am at a loss, I can't have a civil conversation with him, yet I am very stressed about how to go about planning. I don't know how to involve him in the kids life without us screaming at eachother. I DON'T like him, but I don't want to rob my child of a father. But he is also angry and I am worried about what he is going to do once the child is born. Stupid and angry is a dangerous mix.
I don't know how to address the custody and legal issues that could arise from this situation. What can I do to make this as painless as possible? I don't like having him around, but I want my kid to have the chance to know his/her father.
My biggest concern is wanting to go to move at some point. It freaks me out that this jerk is going to have to approve any choices I make that involves the child. I live in a small town. I have family here but I want to be able to move on once I get back on my feet. I wanted to go to collge beyond Community College. I really want to get into Anthropology or Linguistics. Having a child and going to school isn't the problem, that is do-able (my aunt became a Dr. while raising a toddler on her own). But what if Daddy pulls the breaks?
So much for Oxford...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: So much for Oxford
1. you're not married so until there is a court order after paternity is established you can do anything you like.
2. get a lawyer have visitation and Child support set up after paternity is established and only talk to him through email or lawyer.
3. He can't pull the breaks on oxford or anywhere else you want to move to without a court order and usually if you can prove to a judge that you are doing it for the betterment of the child and to stay off the system they won't make you stay or move back they just alter visitation agreements to a long distance arrangement.
This happens all the time you are not inventing the wheel here. There are state guidlines already in place for all the scenarios you can imagine and some you can't. So go find out what your rights are and make your plans accordingly.
YOU DO HAVE TO GO TO COURT
but depending on your state laws, you may not be legally allowed to put him on the BC until he either signs an affidavit of paternity or he is DNA because you are not married he his not assumed to be the father.