When did it sink in for DH?

JenniferAnnes · March 2011

Maybe this is more for 2nd+ time moms, but maybe some of you 1st time moms have already experienced this, but the post below about involving DH got me thinking. Was there a certain time/event where the whole pregnancy finally sunk in to DH? I'm not sure if it will happen with my DH until the baby is born, or maybe when I start to get a big baby bump. I've heard some people say the 1st u/s, but that didn't do it for mine. Just curious!

mrsmikey · March 2011

As I said before, I don't think it hit him until he was born. Seriously.

TheFannins729 · March 2011

i think it was sometimes after we had a squishy gooey baby on my chest. lol.

emily1414 · March 2011

Really good question! This is our first and it doesn't even seem to cross my husband's mind. Everyone else asks me how I'm doing, feeling, etc. He doesn't. I know he's happy, but he's not excited yet and he really is just so bleh about it that I get really annoyed because I feel pregnant and alone. He really tries, but it's just not enough. I can't wait for it to "dawn" on him. It will make things so much easier.

chandwy11 · March 2011

My husband will even admit that he didn't really "bond" with DS until he was about 3 months old. He felt worthless and not needed since DS really just wanted to be with me and my boob. Once DS started looking at him and interacting in some way, my husband was hooked! Obviously, different for every guy but I think a generally true statement is that it doesn't sink in until after it does for you.

TheFannins729 · March 2011

i'm also going to suggest not getting annoyed with your dh's if they aren't jumping up and down at every little thing. it's not fair to them and it won't help. they are wired differently for one. and it's not happening to THEM. they just don't understand it on the same level that we do.

JenniferAnnes · March 2011

TheFannins729:
i'm also going to suggest not getting annoyed with your dh's if they aren't jumping up and down at every little thing. it's not fair to them and it won't help. they are wired differently for one. and it's not happening to THEM. they just don't understand it on the same level that we do.

I agree 100%. Sometimes I look at DH and I'm like "you aren't even excited...what the heck?" And then I have to tell myself that it's just not the same for the guy.

sunflower8710 · March 2011

It took a bit for my DH (of course I say that knowing many H's don't come around till birth). I had reallllllllllly bad HG for awhile. I was in and out of the ER. It was really scary. Most days I couldn't keep down water. LUCKILY it has recently subsided, and I've been craving stove top popcorn that only DH can make right (I burn it). I think it sunk in for him when I started crying because i couldn't make my own popcorn, but didnt want to ask him because he worked all day... He looked at me and said, "okay Preggy, I'll make you and the baby popcorn" and since then has been asking me a lot more questions about the future and stuff.

He recently told me he didn't want to get used to the idea of a baby because he was sure we would lose it with how sick I was... (this isn't as insensitive as it sounds, I was throwing up bile & blood regularly... I was worried about it too)

efsNYC13 · March 2011

I'd say its 50% happened---he is super excited about all things baby, loves to talk about it with me and friends, very into researching and registering....

BUT he totally doesnt get that me being pregnant actually affects me; doesn't really get the less energy/trouble sleeping/weird appetite patterns/etc and is having some trouble with some of those changes in that they affect the way we interact, especially after work

eortman · March 2011

Not until after DS was born. And even then it took a little longer for him to really bond, but now DS is the apple of DH's eye and he is such a proud daddy!

T&HLove · March 2011

efsNYC13:
I'd say its 50% happened---he is super excited about all things baby, loves to talk about it with me and friends, very into researching and registering....

BUT he totally doesnt get that me being pregnant actually affects me; doesn't really get the less energy/trouble sleeping/weird appetite patterns/etc and is having some trouble with some of those changes in that they affect the way we interact, especially after work

Basically this. He has been researching everything, some of it I didn't even know he was doing. But he really doesn't understand why I'm so tired, sick sometimes, etc. I don't think he will ever understand it in that way, but oh well.

Other than that, I think (hope) he will be able to feel more connected after the anatomy scan, when we can call it he or she.

browneyes_24b · March 2011

It hit DH once DS was born. He made a valiant effort while I was pregnant, but it wasn't until he was born that it really hit home.

Azrayla · March 2011

I think with DD he started to believe it more when he could see my belly move..He hated it...totally creeped him out but he knew something was there. I think it all came together once she was born..

This time he seems a lot more realistic..Hes talking to my belly and he was pushing and rubbing it the other day saying he was "playing with the baby"..When he never did any of that with DD really..

caffinated_tulip · March 2011

When he heard the heart beat with the doppler at our last apt. He was like "OH HOLY SHIIT THERE'S A BABY IN THERE" it was kind of great. Since then he's been loving on my belly a lot and is starting to really get into planning for the baby.

lilac34 · March 2011

i think about 2 months after my DD was born a switch went off. I have to say its really hard at first if you have a DH like mine who just didnt get it at first. My OB told me men go through post partum too..not just woman. He probably was having a hard time with the adjustment. It was frusterating would be putting it lightly..but once he stepped up...he was fully in it. 2 yrs later hes a fantastic dad!!

Elsker · March 2011

caffinated_tulip:
When he heard the heart beat with the doppler at our last apt. He was like "OH HOLY SHIIT THERE'S A BABY IN THERE" it was kind of great. Since then he's been loving on my belly a lot and is starting to really get into planning for the baby.

This. I imagine it'll get more intense as the pregnancy progresses, and I anticipate tears (which I've never seen before) from my macho man once he sees his baby.

Until he heard the heartbeat he wasn't really involved at all...just bugged me once in a while about if I'd taken my prenatals. He got all giggly when he heard the heartbeat, though, and since then he's been rubbing my tummy and talking to the baby when he thinks I'm asleep

CiCi44 · March 2011

Elsker:
caffinated_tulip:
When he heard the heart beat with the doppler at our last apt. He was like "OH HOLY SHIIT THERE'S A BABY IN THERE" it was kind of great. Since then he's been loving on my belly a lot and is starting to really get into planning for the baby.

This. I imagine it'll get more intense as the pregnancy progresses, and I anticipate tears (which I've never seen before) from my macho man once he sees his baby.

Until he heard the heartbeat he wasn't really involved at all...just bugged me once in a while about if I'd taken my prenatals. He got all giggly when he heard the heartbeat, though, and since then he's been rubbing my tummy and talking to the baby when he thinks I'm asleep

This is so sweet!!

jerilyn&dave · March 2011

I think it was when we were putting the baby bed together in the nursery. When we stood back and looked at it in its spot. Before then he was just blah about it all. Now the blah has been replaced by stress and mood swings. >.< Lol! Ah the joy.

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