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Parenting after 35
Strunella
member
Pity Party for One
Strunella
member
I've been EBF DS for the past 3 months with the goal of continuing until he's 6 months old. BF was quite challenging for me with shredded nipples, excruciating pain, blocked ducts, fever, you name it. But I persevered and it's gotten 100% better.
At baby's 2 month check-up, his weight was a little low, so we went back on Monday for a weight check at 3 months. DS is still not gaining enough weight. He gained less from months 2-3 than he did from 1-2. There were so many days when DS was crabby and now I realize it's because he was hungry. I always fed on demand, but I guess he wasn't getting enough. So now I feel like I've been starving my baby.
We started supplementing with formula which makes me feel like I've failed at breastfeeding. I'm not producing enough to leave 4 bottles with the nanny and I go back to work tomorrow, so I knew formula was inevitable even before baby's weight check. DS spit up most of his first formula bottle, but seems to be doing ok when I mix it with BM. We will go back in 2 weeks for another weight check.
So I'm disappointed and sad about the breastfeeding, and today is my last day of maternity leave...so I'm sad about that too! I'm glad that DS is taking well to the nanny, but my heart hurts when I see him smiling his gummy smile at her and making his sweet baby sounds. I feel like he's going to forget about me. 
Ok, my pity party is over!
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Re: Pity Party for One
(((( HUGS ))))
You didn't know. You gave it your best shot and motherhood doesn't begin with a manual. Do not feel like you did anything wrong. Your DS will do just fine with either a mix of breastmilk/formula or even just formula (if you go that route). And if you do just formula feed... you did not fail.
But you can totally vent here. I hope the transition back to work goes smoothly for you.
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First of all... Huge hugs! You are trying to be the best Mommy you can be. He doing great because of you!
We had to suppelement right from birth because Sydney was a little peanut. She lost so much weight in the hospital because my milk didn't come in. She went from 6 lbs 13 oz to 6 lbs in five days. I only made it two months breast feeding. I had some of the same feelings you are experiencing. We switched to formula and she did fine.
Hopefully, you can mix more and more formula with BM until you get a comfortable mix for both of you.
I agree with pp - you did a great job and did the best you knew how. FWIW, I was only able to breastfeed for 5 months and had to stop due to an infection in my breast. And we had to supplement S with formula starting at a week old because I wasn't producing enough.
He will not forget about you. Snuggling with him while feeding will be just as amazing. And now you won't have to worry if he is getting enough. Can you still pump and supplement his formula with breastmilk? That way, he can still have the best of both!
I started supplementing from 3 weeks bcause I thought I was starving her. She didn't have weight problems but sometimes it seemed like she was at the boob for hours. I began to think it was coming in a drop at a time. She had no problem with the formula. I actually BF til she was 9 months old. In the beginning I just gave her formula at night so I kew exactly how much she was eating before bed. Towards the end it was more like 2-3 botles a day. Plus I would pump whenever she took a bottle.
Oh I also tried a couple formulas. We ended up staying with Earth's Best .
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Oh I so feel for you going back to work. I cried every day the last few weeks of my leave. Your body is full of mommy hormones to protect and love your baby. Oh course you are going to feel sad!
Don't be surprised if on your first few days back you enjoy the company of adults and using your talents. I also wasn't afraid to tell people when they asked me about Matt to catch me later in the week.
Good luck!
I was in the same boat last month as well as 3.5 years ago (going back to work after ML). It is depressing at first but it does get better!
Try different formula and see how he reacts.
Speaking of not getting enough, I had the same problem b/c the baby didn't latch on properly. So I started EP when she was a few days old. It was hard but the baby was gaining weight well and I knew exactly how much she was getting. I still EP but not as much as before, so we do supplement with formula. Btw I went through the same thing with my 3y.o. when he was a baby. I was much more depressed about failed BF back then, but I feel better about it now. It's really not your fault - BFing is natural for some women and doesn't work out that well for others. I am only surprised that the pedi didn't notice that your DS wasn't getting enough earlier on and only told you to supplement now.
Ohhh, *hugs*
He won't forget you! You're his MOM! Moms are special!
For the breastfeeding, just remind yourself that formula isn't poison, and feeding him a bit of both might just be what works for you two. Every situation is different!
Darlin' no-one's better than Mama! My DD stays with my Mom all day, has one-on-one attention etc. When I'm late to pick her up she gets all crabby b/c it's time for Mama to come!
The end of maternity leave sucks! The first couple of weeks are hard and then the occasional Monday is hard, but you'll get through it. DS is almost 3 and I have made it fine.
Remember, no one is better than Mama!