- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
VBAC
Anyone else have a hard time with "easy" C-Section recovery stories?
in VBAC
The strange thread below got me a bit riled up. This is not however directed at the OP of that post as I've had these feelings and discussions IRL.
We discussed a few days ago feelings we have when others have their picture perfect vaginal births. I relate to those feelings as well but what really gets me is when I hear about how EASY someone's C-Section recovery was, especially when I'm telling them I want a VBAC because my recovery was awful, long, and slow.
My O.R. memories are good and I am thankful for that. My post O.R. memories are not good. I am not happy with how I felt coming off the drugs, how difficult it was to breastfeed, not being able to help with my DD's first diaper change and bath, feeling completely useless as a mother and human being when I got home, feeling like I was going to die when I had my first PP BM which ended up being on the floor and DH had to clean it (sorry, tmi, but it is the truth and it was humiliating), getting multiple bladder infections, withdrawals from the pain pills, not being able to comfortably leave the house for weeks, not being able to lift my DD's infant seat, it goes on and on.
I'm glad that for a lot of people the recovery was easy and quick. I wouldn't wish how I felt on anyone. I wish that for me it had been as simple as OTC pain relievers but it wasn't. In the end I get left with the feelings of not only having a "inadequate pelvis" but not being good at recovering from surgery either.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Anyone else have a hard time with "easy" C-Section recovery stories?
The surgery for me went fine, good experience.
I had a hard time walking after my c/s- the feeling like my guts were going to fall out of my incision is not a good feeling. I feel that if I got up more and maybe pushed my self a little more my recovery would have been easier.
My first poop was terrible, the biggest hardest poop of my life. I think that might have been the worst part.
The other bad part for me was having a hard time getting in and out of bed. It being so soft that it felt like it was giving away when I layed on it.
Other than that- I was able to lift DD and walk a "distance" after a week- lift her carrier and drive and 2 weeks pp.
Me too!
I hate hearing about great c/s recoveries, b/c mine certainly haven't been easy.
I feel useless and my DH doesn't normally help, so he has no idea what to do. MIL and my parents offer to come over for a week to help but end up leaving my house a mess and never offer to clean it.
I really don't feel like myself until at least 3-4 mos out.
I hate trying to do a sit up again or trying to exercise even though I exercise all the way to 40 weeks.
I feel like I'm doing something wrong in the recovery.
I also wonder if easy recovery people really experienced it as easily as they say they do.
I think "easy" is in the eye of the beholder. After my CS, I had an allergic reaction and then my incision got infected- NOT easy.
That said, the post below listed how she felt ready to drive three days pp but waited a week, etc. To me that is still NOT easy. After my VBAC, I could have hopped in the car and driven an hour later. I was not given any restrictions leaving the hospital 24 hours later, etc. Much better than even the best CS recovery, IMO.
But some people consider that easy, some people not. I try not to dwell on other stories and try to find the great moments in my own:-)
This is very true. DH and I always say that despite my condition he sure got thrown in to the deep end of baby care and did an awesome job. We made it through breastfeeding and 2 years later can't figure out how to stop :-). It is being a mom that has given me the confidence to pursue a VBAC.
I'm glad to see that others relate. That in itself, helps a lot. The comment above about feeling like you did something wrong in terms of recovery really resonates with me. I wish some of the people IRL who have had c-sections were more supportive of my plans but I can get over it. I don't want to do anything crazy, I just want the physical capacity to feel like a better mom next time around.
Personally, & I can only speak for myself, the only good thing about having a c/sec was that I got my DS out of it! Other than that the whole experience sucked!
I hated the pain, being drugged up (I had general anesthesia so was a zombie the day of), struggling with breastfeeding & fighthing with the nurses who wanted to take over & formula feed him. MIL treated me like a invalid who had also a lobotomy as well as a c-sec. All my mother could say was "You're lucky to have your son, get over it"! I felt 'less-than' for a long time. It was miserable!
Stuff like that hurt a lot, too - and still does when people think I'm crazy for not being ok with my c/s experience. All the guilt and feeling inadequate. :P
I'm sorry.
I had the opposite experience. My recovery was very easy for a c/s but the c/s itself was awful. It was just a miserable experience for my, physically and emotionally. I remember forcing myself to smile when she cried the first time, not because I felt happy but because I knew I was "supposed" to be happy. I didn't feel sharp pains but I felt like I was being held down while a bunch of people punched me in the stomach over and over and it was so awful that I didn't even want to turn and look at my child's face for the first time when she was brought to me during the surgery. I'm jealous of people who got to enjoy the moment when their child was born, the first cry, the first time they saw their baby. I'll never get those moments back.
I think one of the hardest things with my c/s was more the emotional recovery than the physical one. All in all, recovery from my surgery wasn't that terrible. But I do know it would have been better with a vaginal birth.
My recovery was made worse by the HELLP condition that I had developed. I feel like that robbed me of a lot more in those first few days than the c/s.
Another aspect of it that only came to me recently is that I resent having to spend so much of that precious first week of worrying about myself rather than being able to focus solely on DS. I think I had always pictured those first days of being consumed with thoughts of him, caring for him, being in love with my new baby. Instead, I was in the hospital for 6 days. The first day I was confined to my bed, not really knowing what was going on with him because I was so out of it from the drugs.
After that, it got better but I was annoyed at having to spend mental energy on things that took away from DS. You know things like walking the hallways to try to get back to normal mobility. All the time and effort put into that first poop. Goodness gracious, even passing gas was a milestone. In my particular case, worrying about my bp and hoping it would come down. Dealing with an abnormal amount of swelling. I didn't look or feel like myself. All of these things were things I didn't want to have to deal with. And I didn't realize at the time how those consuming thoughts of my recovery took away from my caring for DS. It definitely affected our bonding.
So yeah, my c/s recovery wasn't bad. I didn't get an infection. I was able to go home after 6 days. I think I healed easily. But I still wish I had had a vaginal birth because I know it would have been easier.
I know several of the posters on the board had really tough experiences. Stories like yours Iris and the stories of the women being put under GA and the nightmare stories of those whose anesthesia failed are heartbreaking and horrifying. I'm certainly not trying to take anything away from the emotional pain of those experiences.
It is great to have a supportive and non competitive place like this board to openly reflect and gain perspective on my daughter's birth as well as my emotional and physical recovery.
I know
I roll my eyes when I hear "easy" c/s stories AND when people tell me I should just have a RCS because someone they knew had a horrible vaginal birth. Someone else's birth experience does not change my mind about the experience I want for myself. My c/s was fine, no complaints as far as the recovery. It wasn't what I wanted, it was major surgery and I don't want to have that surgery again if I can avoid it. Emotionally is another story. I want to experience every single thing about a vaginal, med free child birth and I want to experience VBAC if at all possible.
TTC #1 Cycle 14 - IUI#1=BFN, IUI#2=BFP | TTC #2 Cycle 8=BFP!!
YES. In fact, my recovery is more disappointing than having the c/s in the first place. I ended up with a spinal headache + neck strain from 4 days of trying to get DS to latch properly. Whatever they made me drink right before the c/s to clear out my stomach made me have nausea/vomiting for 4 days, and I had to stay in bed from Monday night thru Wednesday morning because of the nausea and really low blood pressure. I couldn't even sleep when I got a chance because of the stupid leg compression cuffs I had on. On top of all this, I was attempting to BF, pump, and supplement every 2 hours round the clock. It.was.miserable.
I finally got to feeling better by the time we got home. But, crap, the recovery is what scares the heck out of me about having a RCS. Especially with DS at home to take care of as well. ::shiver::
The problem I have with "my c-section was so easy" stories is that I feel like women are already expected to appreciate it, and not be upset or sad or angry about having had a c-section. It just all goes hand-in-hand, and I feel like it makes it that much harder for the women who didn't have an enjoyable or easy c-section to process (or talk about) what happened to them. (Hopefully that makes sense? It's been a long day over here, per usual).
Hikerbride, I feel the same way that you do. I didn't have a super-hard recovery, though I was terrified during the surgery, but that was more bc I'm a worrier by nature and was also exhausted from labor. I definitely didn't want to experience another one!
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
Exactly! My c/s recovery was "easy"? I didn't think anything about it, really, until I started talking to women who had vaginal births. Then I was like, wait, you were walking around an HOUR after?!
I didn't really have any mom friends, I had no idea what to expect and what was normal. So when I couldn't even try to walk for several hours, and when my first attempt to do so didn't go so well, I didn't know to think it was a "bad" recovery, kwim?
It wasn't until I had my VBAC and literally as soon as the midwife stitched up my tear, I got off the table and walked on my own two feet and picked up my baby and carried her around? THEN I realized what a CROCK my "easy" c/s recovery was.
I am not sure how I feel when I read or hear about "easy" c-sections. Sometimes I feel like it is a crock and then other times I feel like PP said that they didn't know any different.
Concidering it was major surgery I would like to say that the process its self wasn't bad. I am glad my husband got those first moments with DD and that he was there to take care of her and the nurses were amazing on making sure he was right there with her the whole time.
It was the recovery that was horrible for me. I remember my last moments in the ER and then I remember waking up and forcing my eyes open and I saw DH walking by me and I tried to call his name a few times and I was yelling but it only came out as a whisper. I had to ask him what he was doing and he said that he was going to take pictures of DD. It was so hard for me to keep my eyes open. I thought it was an hour at the most but later found out it was more like 4 hours of my daughter's life that I wasn't a part of.
The first steps and practically being yelled at to do so were excrutiating. I have had med-free natural births and that was NOTHING compared to those first burning steps. The first poo after left me shaking, traumatized and crying hysterically. I hated feeling like an incapable mother for days after. I know DH doesn't hold anything against me and neither does DD but, I do. I will do anything and everything I can to make sure that I never experience that again.
Sorry so long. It felt good to actually get that out after 6 1/2 years.
This almost exactly. I still can't watch births on TV. I can't get over how unfair it is. I still can't talk about it and not cry. I HATE when I tell people "well I wasn't there for his birth and neither was my husband" and they say "Yes you were... you had to be there... you were just asleep. haha I wish I was asleep" and I want to scream. My epidural didn't work. I pushed for an hour until they said I just couldn't try anymore his heart rate was way too low. I KNOW the pain of birth. Maybe not the entire pain of the "ring of fire" but I can guarante that I would rather experience that a million times just to be able to hear his first cries and to be the first person to hold him.