thoughts on vacationing w/o your kids...need opinions (long)

Re: thoughts on vacationing w/o your kids...need opinions (long)

• Temp806465500003043 member

  March 2011

  klee411:

  
  

  But part of me really is torn with the idea of leaving CJ for long periods of time just to go on some selfish trip with friends. I can't bring myself to justify using money on a vacation for myself (versus a family trip somewhere).

  I don't know. Maybe it's a "mom" mentality where we feel like we can't leave our kids and we have all this unnecessary anxiety that people will think we're bad mothers if we go out on the weeknds and take trips without our LO's.

  I guess I'm the worst mother of all time.  DH and I regularly spend a night here or there without DD.  I have been to Vegas 3 times since she was born.  I do not feel guilty AT ALL for going on trips without her.  I actually think it makes me a better mom (not saying anything about anyone else's parenting).  DD either spends the night with my mom, my MIL or my SIL and she has an absolute blast.  She is always excited to see us when we get home but I know she was in good hands.   I realize not everyone has a family member or trusted friend to watch their DC overnight and I am grateful that we do. 
  

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• kyfirewife member

  March 2011

  klee411:

  I'd love a girls weekend away just to sleep and regain some sanity. 

  Then go regain your sanity! Sometimes doing what is best for YOU helps you be a better mom for HIM!

  klee411:

    Anyone else have this internal struggle or I am the only crazy one... 

  Lord, if you're crazy for having an internal struggle like this, then you might as well commit me now!
  
  DH & I have had regular weekends, and even vacations together, pretty much since DD was born. But it doesn't mean it didn't come with an internal struggle. At least for me. Even still.
  
  There is nothing wrong with doing something for yourself once in a while. Besides, renewing yourself helps you be a better wife & mom.
  
  And if you're doing something to strengthen your marriage, well, we are of the opinion, that that is something you are doing as much for your LO as you are for each other.
  
  And yes, there have been times (and sometimes still are), that DH gets me out the door because I am repeating a mantra in my head that goes something like this:
  
  "I will be a better mom if I get some time to rest. I will be a better mom if I can get refreshed. We will have a better example of a stronger marriage if we get some time alone together. This is good for DD because it gives her independence by letting her spend the night with _____ "
  
  I've yet been able to talk myself into a girls' weekend yet. I've thought about it. Lots.  A trip to see my sister. But somehow that one's harder for me, LOL.
  
  Anyway, whether it's with DH, or a girls weekend... GO! You'll be better for it.

  <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=exp&utm_medium=ubb&utm_campaign=badges"><img src="http://images.thenestbaby.com/badges/tb_sig_expecting.gif">

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• allobosc member

  March 2011

  DH and I made a pact to take a small vacay away every year no matter what.  I think he'd divorce me if not, lol.  This getaway not only helps our marriage, but it is also a great time for the grandparents (my dad) to spend time with the kids.  He enjoys them so much and that makes me happy to see.
  

  I get leaving the kids is hard.  I had to leave for the weekend when my bff's dad died and it was over mother's day too!  But I think the fact that I didn't have a choice, really helped get me just do it.  I've taken two other weekend trips by myself since.  I was afraid my MIL would view it as being selfish, but I really do see (as does DH) how it is better for our household.
  

  The only going I really do without the kids is scrapbooking usually once a month and I can't tell you how much I love it.  It, like working I feel, makes me a better mommy.  I haven't been having enough "me" time lately here with the new LO and I'm already feeling pretty strained.
  

  
  
  
  

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• pinkylu member

  March 2011

  I definitely don't think one weekend away in 18 months is selfish or unreasonable, for either you or your DH.  I can understand being upset that he gets a weekend away while you are still at home with the baby, but I think it's important that each of  you get time away.  

  I had my first weekend away from either child recently and it was much needed.  I got to go on some grown-up dinners, sleep in, relax, etc...  It took me 3 years to do it, so I understand your feeling torn about wanting to do it.   

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• Miller238 member

  March 2011

  I struggle with this a ton!  My husband just got back from March Madness in Atlanta and he never seems to blink an eye when planning a fun trip like that with the guys.  I always think how fun it would be, but I know I would be thinking about her and missing her way too much to enjoy myself.  I need to get over that!

  She has slept out with my parents three times for one night each time.  I always get so anxious because I wonder how she is behaving for them, is she eating enough, drinking her formula, having an allergy reaction to their dog, sleeping well, skin doing ok etc, etc.  I almost feel like it is more trouble than it is worth because I worry too much.  I do think that if she didn't have so many food/allergy/skin problems, I would be a lot more laid back.

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• megntom07

  March 2011

  I could have written this post word for word! Hunter will be 2 in a few weeks and the only time I have ever been away from him is when I was in the hospital having Levi. That was only 1 night and Hunter has never slept over anyone's house. Now we are back at square one since L is here. I am also VERY picky on who watches the boys. My mom is generally the only person that has watched them and she still works full time so I hate asking her to do it anyway. So in other words you are not alone! I have that same internal struggle every time I think about getting away for even a few hours. DH and I are going to see Glee Live in June (in IN) and even though I know we are going to be getting back late we are still going to pick up the boys at my parents bc so that they don't have to spend the night. 

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• MrsMoher member

  March 2011

  MrsVetter:

  klee411:

  
  

  But part of me really is torn with the idea of leaving CJ for long periods of time just to go on some selfish trip with friends. I can't bring myself to justify using money on a vacation for myself (versus a family trip somewhere).

  I don't know. Maybe it's a "mom" mentality where we feel like we can't leave our kids and we have all this unnecessary anxiety that people will think we're bad mothers if we go out on the weeknds and take trips without our LO's.

  I guess I'm the worst mother of all time.  DH and I regularly spend a night here or there without DD.  I have been to Vegas 3 times since she was born.  I do not feel guilty AT ALL for going on trips without her.  I actually think it makes me a better mom (not saying anything about anyone else's parenting).  DD either spends the night with my mom, my MIL or my SIL and she has an absolute blast.  She is always excited to see us when we get home but I know she was in good hands.   I realize not everyone has a family member or trusted friend to watch their DC overnight and I am grateful that we do. 
  

  I must be a bad mom too.  I actually feel like it makes me appreciate my child more from taking the time away.  AND it truly is amazing what a week long cruise or whatever away from kids and responsibility does for your relationship with your H.  Not to mention Eli doesn't constantly miss us.  He loves having a week with Memaw and Papaw!  And the ILs love having him to themselves for a week too.  All in all, I think it really is a good thing for a mother/father to do.  I know lots of people completely disagree with that, but to each his own.  In fact H and I are planning on taking a cruise either late this year or early next year just the two of us. 

  Mr & Mrs - 10/15/05
  Elijah Matthew - 5/3/07 ~ Adalyn Rosemary - 3/23/11
  
  *Photos by Kacy Cierley*
  

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• riabiron member

  March 2011

  It is important that you take time for yourself and that you take time to just be a couple with your husband. It will restore your sanity and help your relationship. It is not selfish to do so, perhaps selfish not to.

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• KristenBtobe member

  March 2011

  klee411:

  I don't know. Maybe it's a "mom" mentality where we feel like we can't leave our kids and we have all this unnecessary anxiety that people will think we're bad mothers if we go out on the weeknds and take trips without our LO's.

  I don't feel that way at all. Sure I miss my kids if we go somewhere, but I sure as heck don't worry about if anyone thinks I'm a bad mother for doing something just for me or for us as a couple. That's never even crossed my mind. Being a martyr doesn't make a good mother either.

  I think it's important to do things as a family, as a couple, and alone. 

  Ready to rumble.

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• notguilty

  March 2011

  I understand where you are coming from, but you should plan some time away for yourself.  I left my baby for a work-related conference for three days in February.  I was nervous about being away.  It ended up being a wonderful experience to have some "me" time even though it was work related.  I also knew she was with DH the entire time. 

  DH and I have left her with grandparents overnight and I think it's extremely important for our relationship.  We hope to go on a vacation just the two of us next spring for approx. five days.  I'm looking forward to it.  I figure it gives us a much needed break and allows our kid to develop stronger relationships with her extended family members.  Happy mom, happy kid, right?

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• buckeyethor

  March 2011

  I have done it. I never felt more reguvinated in my life to go back to tackling being a wife and mother.

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• linzpinz14

  March 2011

  I didn't leave C overnight until she was one.  And I wasn't BFing so that wasn't my excuse - I was just selfish!    Since she turned one, she spends the night at my parents about once every other month, but that is the only place I'll let her stay.  And she has only done an entire weekend once.  We are too poor right now to take any vacations, but if we had some extra money I would totally go for a weekend away!  I don't think I could do a whole week.... but I guess it would depend on the occasion. 

  Anyway, I can totally relate to your internal struggle, I feel guilty when I spend money on myself or when I am spending too much time on myself (which too much is really just an entire naptime, where i veg instead of cleaning. Blah!)

  So do a girls weekend and then later do a couples weekend and then later do a family weekend and hopefully that will make you feel balanced!  And don't feel guilty about it!

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• Moesten

  March 2011

  I guess all I am going to say is that I am posting this from Hawaii while my 2.5 year old and my nursing 7 month old are in Ohio. 

  

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