What do you do when you're at the end of your rope? SAIFW

sarahtoledo · March 2011

I know I haven't been through nearly as much as some nesties, but I am having a hard time with my RE and I'm frustrated and upset. I also have a birthday coming up, and though I *know* my eggs/ovaries/ute don't know I'll turn 37 this spring, it's still discouraging.

Just wondered if any of y'all have strategies to cope when you're feeling particularly down about IF.

TIA

Edited post title to add SAIFW.

ellenchris0506 · March 2011

Just wanted to say hello and I know EXACTLY how you feel. I am also turning 37 this spring and feeling super depressed about it. Especially since I just had a failed IVF and my younger sister is pregnant.

No advice on how to cope, as I been having a terrible few days. Venting on here is the only way I know how to cope. ;-)

Edwina.McDunnough · March 2011

Exercise, hobbies and that thing aside, I'm a huge planner. I feel a lot better having short and long term plans re: treatment.

sarahtoledo · March 2011

ellenchris0506:
Just wanted to say hello and I know EXACTLY how you feel. I am also turning 37 this spring and feeling super depressed about it. Especially since I just had a failed IVF and my younger sister is pregnant.

No advice on how to cope, as I been having a terrible few days. Venting on here is the only way I know how to cope. ;-)

Well, I hope you feel better soon, and am sorry to hear your bad news. Sad

I think a plan would help me -- being in RE limbo is making it harder because I have no plan.

patchen30 · March 2011

(Ticker warning)

I feel like I've been at the end of my rope many times with this. I just thought, if I want a baby, I have to keep going. What other choice do I have? I know I won't be happy in life unless I plough through all this sh!t and find a way to become a parent. So much of this is out of our control (like age), and we just have to do the best we can do. Giving up just isn't an option for me.

Also, I've kept telling myself that in the grand scheme, this miserable time is just a flash in the pan.

((Hugs))

Mrs.McIrish · March 2011

sarahtoledo:

I know I haven't been through nearly as much as some nesties, but I am having a hard time with my RE and I'm frustrated and upset. I also have a birthday coming up, and though I *know* my eggs/ovaries/ute don't know I'll turn 37 this spring, it's still discouraging.

Just wondered if any of y'all have strategies to cope when you're feeling particularly down about IF.

TIA

First, get a longer rope! HA HA. Are you searching for a new RE? I know you were going to look into it since he didn't feel the need for monitoring.. Anyway, I just got a new RE yesterday and I feel better already. My gut was telling me the prior doc was not properly treating my situation and the new RE confirmed that. I am also 37. I also just got a therapist. It helps to talk and be told that you aren't crazy, that anyone would be turned upside down with IF (I also have another medical concern). I'm "trying" to make myself exercise more and say no to M&M's... Getting fatter isn't going to help anything. The new doc said this IF is a marathon, not a race so it will take a while and isn't going to be solved overnight. She said you need to live your life despite IF. I'm trying to focus on doing that. Hang in there!

madelyn07 · March 2011

Honestly?

Pop open a bottle of wine.

Or shop online.

That's pretty much all I got.

DeputiesWife · March 2011

I tie a knot and hang on.

I cope by trying to focus on what I do have rather than what I dont.

I make a plan.

I use the bump as my outlet for venting.

::hugs::

kthappy76 · March 2011

As the old saying goes "tie a knot and hang on!" But in all seriousness, I try to focus on and manage the things that are in my control, IF and outside IF. You can't control the outcomes of cycles, so you have to try to control the process or you will completely lose your mind.

As you can see, my method of "dealing" with difficult RE's is to find a new one. I do a lot of research on my own, as at the end of the day I figure no one cares more about making me a mom than I do. Giving too much power to any RE, will leave you feeling helpless. Best of luck.

Tanya+Da · March 2011

madelyn07:

Honestly?

Pop open a bottle of wine.

Or shop online.

That's pretty much all I got.

THIS EXACTLY!!!!!

sarahtoledo · March 2011

Mrs.McIrish:
sarahtoledo:

I know I haven't been through nearly as much as some nesties, but I am having a hard time with my RE and I'm frustrated and upset. I also have a birthday coming up, and though I *know* my eggs/ovaries/ute don't know I'll turn 37 this spring, it's still discouraging.
Just wondered if any of y'all have strategies to cope when you're feeling particularly down about IF.
TIA
First, get a longer rope! HA HA. Are you searching for a new RE? I know you were going to look into it since he didn't feel the need for monitoring.. Anyway, I just got a new RE yesterday and I feel better already. My gut was telling me the prior doc was not properly treating my situation and the new RE confirmed that. I am also 37. I also just got a therapist. It helps to talk and be told that you aren't crazy, that anyone would be turned upside down with IF (I also have another medical concern). I'm "trying" to make myself exercise more and say no to M&M's... Getting fatter isn't going to help anything. The new doc said this IF is a marathon, not a race so it will take a while and isn't going to be solved overnight. She said you need to live your life despite IF. I'm trying to focus on doing that. Hang in there!

I have a meeting with my current RE on Monday, hoping we can come to an agreement about monitoring. If I'm less than thrilled with his response, I'm calling the only other RE in town.

Thank you for your input, that makes a lot of sense to me. I think I am going to see a therapist ASAP. It's a lot to deal with.

I noticed you're BRCA1+... we're quite sure this is in MH's family (mother and other relatives). I wondered if you had any thoughts on whether men should be tested?

sterpstra10 · March 2011

I just try to stay focused on THIS cylce and not try to let myself think "what if in 3 cycles from now...." It's much easier said than done, right? oh, and like a prev. person said, I vent on here if I feel like I'm losing it haha

PurpleIris30 · March 2011

I'm sorry you are feeling frustrated and upset.

To answer your question, in order to make myself feel better, I have to have a plan (short-term and long-term) and I have to be taking active steps toward those goals.

When I was at my lowest point with depression and anxiety, I also found a therapist (she specializes in infertility and loss) and she was so helpful in recommending some different strategies and coping mechanisms.

Even though it's the last thing I feel like doing when I'm at the end of my rope, exercise helps, too.

Hope things starting turning around for you soon!

naybird · March 2011

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I always feel worse when I don't have a plan.

I'm getting close to 37, losing my job in June, and feel like I have problem after problem stacked against me. The way I cope is not good either. I cry and I just tend to hide from the world. Not good I know, especially since I'm a very social person.

I have a cycle coming up, so I just try and concentrate on that and try to stay postive.. but really, that's all I got. I'm hanging on at the end of my rope too..

So I really don't have any advice for you, but I wanted to give you a big hug and just let you know you aren't alone..

I hope you can come up with a plan and your RE works with you.. Best of luck, and just keep hanging on!!!

ashlyrose · March 2011

sarahtoledo:
Mrs.McIrish:
sarahtoledo:

I know I haven't been through nearly as much as some nesties, but I am having a hard time with my RE and I'm frustrated and upset. I also have a birthday coming up, and though I *know* my eggs/ovaries/ute don't know I'll turn 37 this spring, it's still discouraging.

Just wondered if any of y'all have strategies to cope when you're feeling particularly down about IF.

TIA

First, get a longer rope! HA HA. Are you searching for a new RE? I know you were going to look into it since he didn't feel the need for monitoring.. Anyway, I just got a new RE yesterday and I feel better already. My gut was telling me the prior doc was not properly treating my situation and the new RE confirmed that. I am also 37. I also just got a therapist. It helps to talk and be told that you aren't crazy, that anyone would be turned upside down with IF (I also have another medical concern). I'm "trying" to make myself exercise more and say no to M&M's... Getting fatter isn't going to help anything. The new doc said this IF is a marathon, not a race so it will take a while and isn't going to be solved overnight. She said you need to live your life despite IF. I'm trying to focus on doing that. Hang in there!

I have a meeting with my current RE on Monday, hoping we can come to an agreement about monitoring. If I'm less than thrilled with his response, I'm calling the only other RE in town.

Thank you for your input, that makes a lot of sense to me. I think I am going to see a therapist ASAP. It's a lot to deal with.

I noticed you're BRCA1+... we're quite sure this is in MH's family (mother and other relatives). I wondered if you had any thoughts on whether men should be tested?

(TICKER)

I'm wondering what has happened over there. PM anytime and I'll gladly help you out anyway I can. I stopped July 2010 because I felt torn btwn the two REs there, have you seen Dr M at all? I would also recommend Dr. Wolfe in MI, I have heard really good success stories from her and another nestie has seen her as well. I didn't go because of ins. but I know she has a office local too!

njohnson1972 · March 2011

For me, it helped to have a back up plan. Ours was DE. And during my last cycle, I really didn't believe it was going to work and I switch insurance carriers for 2010 in order to DE. And then it worked. Sometimes I am still in shock.

And even though I say DE was my back up plan, we plan on doing DE for #2. I will be 39 when I have this baby and I can't go through what I did last year with a child at home that needs me.

But having options/back up plan, whether it is DE or adoption, made me feel that no matter how hard this journey is, I was going to be a mommy by the end.

sarahtoledo · March 2011

ashlyrose:
(TICKER)
I'm wondering what has happened over there. PM anytime and I'll gladly help you out anyway I can. I stopped July 2010 because I felt torn btwn the two REs there, have you seen Dr M at all? I would also recommend Dr. Wolfe in MI, I have heard really good success stories from her and another nestie has seen her as well. I didn't go because of ins. but I know she has a office local too!

I haven't seen Dr. M, but I have heard so many bad things about his overly-aggressive approach, that I won't see him. I would love to see Dr. Wolf -- does she have a Toledo office?? That would be so wonderful. I know she used to be at MCO/MUO/UT or whatever they're calling it now. Wink But I thought she moved up north.

Mrs.McIrish · March 2011

sarahtoledo:
Mrs.McIrish:
sarahtoledo:

I know I haven't been through nearly as much as some nesties, but I am having a hard time with my RE and I'm frustrated and upset. I also have a birthday coming up, and though I *know* my eggs/ovaries/ute don't know I'll turn 37 this spring, it's still discouraging.

Just wondered if any of y'all have strategies to cope when you're feeling particularly down about IF.

TIA

First, get a longer rope! HA HA. Are you searching for a new RE? I know you were going to look into it since he didn't feel the need for monitoring.. Anyway, I just got a new RE yesterday and I feel better already. My gut was telling me the prior doc was not properly treating my situation and the new RE confirmed that. I am also 37. I also just got a therapist. It helps to talk and be told that you aren't crazy, that anyone would be turned upside down with IF (I also have another medical concern). I'm "trying" to make myself exercise more and say no to M&M's... Getting fatter isn't going to help anything. The new doc said this IF is a marathon, not a race so it will take a while and isn't going to be solved overnight. She said you need to live your life despite IF. I'm trying to focus on doing that. Hang in there!

I have a meeting with my current RE on Monday, hoping we can come to an agreement about monitoring. If I'm less than thrilled with his response, I'm calling the only other RE in town.

Thank you for your input, that makes a lot of sense to me. I think I am going to see a therapist ASAP. It's a lot to deal with.

I noticed you're BRCA1+... we're quite sure this is in MH's family (mother and other relatives). I wondered if you had any thoughts on whether men should be tested?

Hi,

Yes, I think men should be tested for BRCA if their mom or dad is positive. If his mom hasn't been tested, you have to have a strong family cancer history to get insurance to cover the test. I was able to get tested because my mom had aleady been tested(she had ovarian cancer at 36). If your DH was positive, he would have a 50% chance of passing it on to your child. If you have a girl, you would definitely want that information as she would need intense screening in her 20's and onward. It is less important if you had a boy but they can always pass it on to a daughter. Also, if your DH was positive, you might consider doing IVF with preimplantation genetic diagnosis(PGD) and only put back BRCA negative embryos. Obviously this is controversial and expensive. My personal opinion is that I am not doing PGD to prevent a BRCA baby. My thought is if my mom did that(not that it existed at the time and the BRCA gene wasn't even discovered then) I would not be alive. I will just hope that research and science will have progressed enough by the time a daughter of mine was in her 30's etc. so she doesn't have to make the surgical choices like I do. Feel free to ask me anything else about BRCA. You can always find me on TTC Over 35.

ashlyrose · March 2011

sarahtoledo:

ashlyrose:

(TICKER)

I'm wondering what has happened over there. PM anytime and I'll gladly help you out anyway I can. I stopped July 2010 because I felt torn btwn the two REs there, have you seen Dr M at all? I would also recommend Dr. Wolfe in MI, I have heard really good success stories from her and another nestie has seen her as well. I didn't go because of ins. but I know she has a office local too!

I haven't seen Dr. M, but I have heard so many bad things about his overly-aggressive approach, that I won't see him. I would love to see Dr. Wolf -- does she have a Toledo office?? That would be so wonderful. I know she used to be at MCO/MUO/UT or whatever they're calling it now. But I thought she moved up north.

I found Dr. M to be overly aggressive with his plans which ok and then not ok, it's like you want progress but then not to be overlooked. He would tell me IVF is next so I would get the packet & then Dr. K said "no, no you don't need that" So it was very confusing to me at times. Ive worked in the medical field for over 10yrs, I know sometimes Dr just don't have the answers but I wasn't going to be played.

Dr Wolfe does have a local office here for follow ups & consults, but for procedures I was told it was in MI. Call & ask, just google her name. They were going to set me up for a free consult but I was torn in what to do & never went.

sarahtoledo · March 2011

Mrs.McIrish:
sarahtoledo:
Mrs.McIrish:
sarahtoledo:

I know I haven't been through nearly as much as some nesties, but I am having a hard time with my RE and I'm frustrated and upset. I also have a birthday coming up, and though I *know* my eggs/ovaries/ute don't know I'll turn 37 this spring, it's still discouraging.
Just wondered if any of y'all have strategies to cope when you're feeling particularly down about IF.
TIA
First, get a longer rope! HA HA. Are you searching for a new RE? I know you were going to look into it since he didn't feel the need for monitoring.. Anyway, I just got a new RE yesterday and I feel better already. My gut was telling me the prior doc was not properly treating my situation and the new RE confirmed that. I am also 37. I also just got a therapist. It helps to talk and be told that you aren't crazy, that anyone would be turned upside down with IF (I also have another medical concern). I'm "trying" to make myself exercise more and say no to M&M's... Getting fatter isn't going to help anything. The new doc said this IF is a marathon, not a race so it will take a while and isn't going to be solved overnight. She said you need to live your life despite IF. I'm trying to focus on doing that. Hang in there!
I have a meeting with my current RE on Monday, hoping we can come to an agreement about monitoring. If I'm less than thrilled with his response, I'm calling the only other RE in town.
Thank you for your input, that makes a lot of sense to me. I think I am going to see a therapist ASAP. It's a lot to deal with.
I noticed you're BRCA1+... we're quite sure this is in MH's family (mother and other relatives). I wondered if you had any thoughts on whether men should be tested?
Hi,
Yes, I think men should be tested for BRCA if their mom or dad is positive. If his mom hasn't been tested, you have to have a strong family cancer history to get insurance to cover the test. I was able to get tested because my mom had aleady been tested(she had ovarian cancer at 36). If your DH was positive, he would have a 50% chance of passing it on to your child. If you have a girl, you would definitely want that information as she would need intense screening in her 20's and onward. It is less important if you had a boy but they can always pass it on to a daughter. Also, if your DH was positive, you might consider doing IVF with preimplantation genetic diagnosis(PGD) and only put back BRCA negative embryos. Obviously this is controversial and expensive. My personal opinion is that I am not doing PGD to prevent a BRCA baby. My thought is if my mom did that(not that it existed at the time and the BRCA gene wasn't even discovered then) I would not be alive. I will just hope that research and science will have progressed enough by the time a daughter of mine was in her 30's etc. so she doesn't have to make the surgical choices like I do. Feel free to ask me anything else about BRCA. You can always find me on TTC Over 35.

Thank you for sharing. There may be enough of a history of cancer in his family to get the test covered -- mom had early breast cancer, aunt had ovarian, and I think there's one more. Though it's not related, MH's father died of colon cancer when MH was 13. Such a sad history of cancer in that family. Sad

Thanks also for your opinion on PGD. Honestly, I had thought that his having the gene might push us over the edge into adoption, which we're already very interested in. IVF is not for us, but I like your point of view... I mean, my (chubby) genes sure aren't perfect, and that hasn't stopped anyone in my family from having babies.

sarahtoledo · March 2011

ashlyrose:
sarahtoledo:

ashlyrose:
(TICKER)
I'm wondering what has happened over there. PM anytime and I'll gladly help you out anyway I can. I stopped July 2010 because I felt torn btwn the two REs there, have you seen Dr M at all? I would also recommend Dr. Wolfe in MI, I have heard really good success stories from her and another nestie has seen her as well. I didn't go because of ins. but I know she has a office local too!
I haven't seen Dr. M, but I have heard so many bad things about his overly-aggressive approach, that I won't see him. I would love to see Dr. Wolf -- does she have a Toledo office?? That would be so wonderful. I know she used to be at MCO/MUO/UT or whatever they're calling it now. But I thought she moved up north.
I found Dr. M to be overly aggressive with his plans which ok and then not ok, it's like you want progress but then not to be overlooked. He would tell me IVF is next so I would get the packet & then Dr. K said "no, no you don't need that" So it was very confusing to me at times. Ive worked in the medical field for over 10yrs, I know sometimes Dr just don't have the answers but I wasn't going to be played.
Dr Wolfe does have a local office here for follow ups & consults, but for procedures I was told it was in MI. Call & ask, just google her name. They were going to set me up for a free consult but I was torn in what to do & never went.

Well, I'm definitely going t call. Smile Thank you!

About Drs. M and K -- I like Dr. K's approach most of the time, especially because IVF is not an option for us, but the lack of monitoring is just scary to me. Cross your fingers we can get this worked out?

Lisa07 · March 2011

Edwina.McDunnough:
Exercise, hobbies and that thing aside, I'm a huge planner. I feel a lot better having short and long term plans re: treatment.

This! Focus on keeping yourself healthy and doing things you enjoy. Also having a treatment plan in place helps me feel like I'm doing something.

Want a personalized experience?

What do you do when you're at the end of your rope? SAIFW

Re: What do you do when you're at the end of your rope? SAIFW

Choose Another Board

Search Boards