I don't know who else to say this to

Jennicap · March 2011

And I think everyone on this board would most understand my feelings. On my local board (an off local board) there is a new mother who posted her birth story. I usually LOVE to read any birth story b/c I just feel like it was such an amazing experience and I love reading other woman's experiences good or bad. But this one story broke my heart! She said that her water broke around 3am and she immediately called the OB, he said to come in when contractions started or by 7am if they didn't start. They got to the hospital around 8am and she wasnt' feeling anything, hooked her up and she was having small contractions and she wasn't dilated at all at 10am (7hrs after water breaking). It was at this time the doctor told her the head was high (duh) and the "heart rate is flucturating" so her best bet is a c/s. She protested and said she wanted to avoid surgery and he said that he wouldn't recommend pit to his sister if she was here instead of this girl. So she got a c/s at 7hrs into labor! WTF? I want to post I am so sorry you were ROBBED of a vaginal birth, I hate your doctor and any doctor like him! My water broke at 5am and contractions really didn't start going until about 8-12hrs after and that was with some serious walking, nipple stimulation and other "natural" tecniques!

i feel awful for the woman but I didn't want to tell her she was robbed of having the birth she wanted so I just said congrats on the birth....

happyhoopla · March 2011

That is too bad. But I wonder exactly what was meant by "fluctuating". It very well could have been that the baby was showing signs of distress even with the mild contractions and the doctor had to assume that if the baby was having a difficult time tolerating early labor, the strong pitocin contractions would be even worse.

NewzieMom · March 2011

I know what you mean sometime I read birth stories and I don't even know what to leave as a response.

ridesbuttons · March 2011

That story broke your heart? That's a bit melodramatic, don't you think?

Obviously you know more from reading a birth story over the internet than the doctor knew while attending the actual birth.

mesr · March 2011

i do know what you mean about struggling to respond positively/politely to birth stories that are so counter to what i would want my own birth experience to be like. but you did the right thing by congratulating her. rather than cheering each other on, we are often too hard on each other here. the important part is how the mom in question feels about her experience.

Regina+Philangey · March 2011

Ummm, you really haven't experienced much in life, have you? Because if this breaks your heart, and this makes you feel awful, and you think that this is an awful story, you should count your blessings.

A baby with heart rate issues is a very very serious thing. You aren't an OB, and even if you were, you weren't at the birth.

Move on and stop posting someone else's drama on the internet. Who are you to decide if her birth was good or bad?

NewzieMom · March 2011

mesr:
i do know what you mean about struggling to respond positively/politely to birth stories that are so counter to what i would want my own birth experience to be like. but you did the right thing by congratulating her. rather than cheering each other on, we are often too hard on each other here. the important part is how the mom in question feels about her experience.

I agree with this. In the end all that matters is a happy/healthy baby and mom.

margeincharge2 · March 2011

I agree with the others that you simply cannot know how this woman's birth went and whether she was robbed. I also think that your attitude is conveying that you know more about how she should feel about her birth than she should or her doctor.

LindseyJW · March 2011

of course no one can know what really happened, or whether baby was really in distress. but, OBs do use heart tone fluctuations or just general "distress" as a cause for an unnecessary c/s.

all you have to do is drop in on an ICAN meeting where moms are discussing what they were told by their OB as to why a c/s was necessary and the conflicting details on their medical records which indicate healthy baby/healthy mom, to know that OBs lie for convenience and they lie all the time.

this is not to say that sometimes heart tone fluctuations do indeed indicate a problem and that baby should come out right away. it is only to say that it is also used as a scare tactic when the baby is not actually in distress. without looking at a medical record from the birth, there is no way to know.

OP, i know what you mean. i've read stories before where there was a clear theft of an experience and it was obvious that the OB did not encourage a mom's desire for an unmedicated birth or a vaginal birth.

sometimes the moms are fine with their experience. sometimes they aren't. sometimes, they don't even know that they had been mistreated. i feel most disturbed by that, bc we should all be able to have the birth we want (excluding true special circumstances).

all you can do is say congrats on her baby's birth and hope that she is happy with her experience.

lolinshag · March 2011

My best friend had her first child this past year. She had a completely normal pregnancy with no risk factors. She was at 4 days before her due date, when her doctor had her come in to induce labor. He told her it was needed for the health of the baby. Never stated a specific reason. So in she goes, trusting this doctor to do right by her. She wanted to do it without pain meds. That has been her stance for years (and a running bet between us, which of us could do it all the way, lol). At two cm, the doctor came in and told her she needed to get the epidural or she'd "never make it all the way through". Also at 2 cm, she stalled out, and the pitocin drip was brought in, but didn't help "get things moving". Finally, after only 4 total hours at the hospital, he told her she needed to have a c/s. An hour later they took her back, 30 mins after that we had a baby.

The doctor left the hospital an hour after the birth. We found out after the birth that the her doctor had a trip planned starting the next day and continuing through her due date to go see his favorite NFL team practice and play. This seems kinda hinky to me. My friend cried so hard for days because the doctor kept implying whenever she didn't want to do something, that maybe she was being selfish and should think of the baby, and this made her doubt her ability to be a good mother. Does anyone else have a problem with any of this?

flutiefrostie · March 2011

You weren't there, you don't know exactly what happened. As long as she is fine with it and the baby is healthy, who cares? Not your problem and it's awful of you to talk about HER birth here.

lolinshag · March 2011

If this was to me...

Yes, I was there. She wasn't fine with it. Yes the baby is healthy. And she was standing over my shoulder as I wrote it correcting me if I put something incorrect.

Not trying to start drama. I just want to know how often this kind of thing happens, because I am using a new doc than I used for the rest of my girl visits b/c I moved and she is not inspiring much confidence. So please don't be mean.

flyer23 · March 2011

flutiefrostie:
You weren't there, you don't know exactly what happened. As long as she is fine with it and the baby is healthy, who cares? Not your problem and it's awful of you to talk about HER birth here.

Where, exactly, are we supposed to talk about these things, then?

A few weeks ago, I was talking with some of my friends about birth. One of them (I'll call her "S") told me her birth story, which I had never heard before. In short, she had really wanted to go med-free with her daughter (who is now 6 years old). She was induced a few days prior to her due date because of low fluid. She made it all the way through labor and to the point where her daughter was crowning, all without pain meds. Then her daughter's heart rate started dropping. They tried the vacuum twice, but it popped off. So she went back for a c-section.

One of our other friends (who has never given birth) asked why S and I were so committed to avoiding pain medication. I mentioned that being able to move around during labor can help make it go faster/smoother, and that moving around is usually impossible with an epidural. S said, "Huh, that's interesting. No one ever told me that. Gosh, I wish you had been there when I was going through that! I just trusted that the doctors and nurses would tell me what I needed to know."

I won't say that her c-section was unnecessary, or that the initial induction was unnecessary -- I wasn't there, I don't know. But I will say that someone should have told her at some point during labor to get off her back. I will say that before resorting to the vacuum twice and ultimately a c-section, someone should have told her that squatting, or hands and knees, or on her side, or standing up, or... well, just about anything besides the lithotomy position might be more effective positions for pushing.

Maybe it wouldn't have made a difference. Maybe she still would have needed a c-section. Who knows. But at least they could have tried.

She had a second baby a few years ago, via planned c-section, and is pregnant now and planning another c-section. She vaguely knew that there were some risks associated with VBAC, but she couldn't articulate them, and she didn't seem to be aware of any of the risks of multiple c-sections.

Maybe she has no interest in VBAC, and that is fine. It is her body, her choice. But doesn't she need to know the risks/benefits of both options in order to make an informed decision?

I didn't say any of this to her, because I didn't feel like it was my place. But earlier this week, I read this blog post from my doula: https://bellyupbaby.blogspot.com/2011/03/seeing-is-believing.html

When moms continue to give their business to careproviders that do not provide good care they perpetrate the problem [of increasing c-section rates]. A pregnant mom is many things, but when it comes to her maternity care she is a consumer and she votes with her feet, her wallet and her belly. Taking more responsibility for pregnancy and birth is certainly personally empowering for moms, but it is also powerful in that if enough moms demand better care and purposely seek it out, more careproviders will start to offer that care for which these moms seek.

So true, but what breaks my heart is that there are so many women who don't know what really constitutes "good care." In my opinion, my friend did not receive good care. Good care would involve telling a epidural-free mom who is pushing in the lithotomy position to at least try getting off her back at some point, before you use the vacuum twice and then perform a c-section.

But she didn't know to demand better care. So she's not voting with her feet/wallet/belly, because she doesn't know that she can. As long as that continues to happen, things aren't going to get better Sad

THAT is what breaks my heart... not my friend's story specifically, but the overall trends of birth in this country. My friend's story is just a symptom of those larger trends.

I don't know where else to talk about this besides a board full of women who are, for the most part, bucking those trends.

CheriCO · March 2011

I'm finding it very difficult to read birth stories these days, too. I definitely feel that a lot of women are trusting their docs without truly understanding the implications (real informed consent? not so much). I agree that every woman should do what feels right to her, but it still makes me sad when I read/hear a birth story that ended in multiple interventions, c/s, whatever when all of that may have been avoided if mom had truly been informed of her options and the risks involved with each.

I have to admit, though, that in general, I do not trust MDs, so I think I have an immediate bias against them. I think this is because I went to grad school on a med school campus & hung out with a bunch of med students. There was nothing special about them. They were punks just like all the rest of us. Heck, I got much better grades than most, if not all, of them in the class we had together. Of all the students I knew, I can think of only one, maybe two, I would really trust to treat me for anything. I do have more respect for MDs who keep up with the current literature, attend meetings/talks, etc, though (like my psychiatrist, whom I love).

sorry, that got a little off topic Wink

lolinshag · March 2011

*Claps*

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