vent, vent, vent--MUST vent

Re: vent, vent, vent--MUST vent

• sarabean

  March 2011

  I know I don't post here often, but I totally commiserate with you!  My parents live six hours away and try to see our almost-two year old at least every two months if not once a month.  We visit them and they come up also.  My in-laws live less than an hour away.  We see them probably every 3 to 4 months.  In moments of frustration I tell DH he has to do all the scheduling with them, but because I do most of the "family scheduling" I feel it reflects badly on me.  They have even called and emailed saying that we need to get together more, but will never follow through with plans or cancel often.  That last part sounds different from your situation, but I totally feel you with the bafflement at their disinterest.
  

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• kastle member

  March 2011

  I'm sorry.  Unfortunately, I know too well where you and your husband are coming from.
  

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• cmh06

  March 2011

  I feel you.  My dad hasn't seen DD in almost a year.  It's much easier for them to visit us from FL as they can fly for free or discounted rate, but they don't come up.  We can't go down to visit them as DD is allergic to cats and dogs and they have 2 cats and a dog, so their house is out of the question to stay at or visit for a few hours.  It's too expensive to stay in a hotel and plus we would never get to just hang out because we'd have to always find someplace besides their house to do that at. They won't ever come up for DD's birthday because my mom and step-dad will be here too.  They've never been to any of DD's birthday celebrations and will miss another one this week too. 
  

  

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• rnin02 member

  March 2011

  So sorry! I don't understand grandparents like that...assuming they were good parents themselves, you'd think they would be thrilled to be grandparents.
  

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• Artslvr

  March 2011

  OMG same here - I can totally commiserate! 

  DH is so hurt that his bio dad is not more interested in our kids.  (Although selfishly I'm totally fine that they don't come around too often because I can't stand his stepmom ). 

  But because nobody talks about feelings in that family, DH can't say to his dad "it hurts that you don't seem more interested in your (only!) grandchildren."  We invite them to come visit all the time.  It's so much easier for them to come here for several reasons - they have plenty of money to buy plane tickets whenever they want, bio Dad owns his own business and has a flexible schedule, Evil Step-MIL has a ton of leave at her job, etc.  What really hurts DH is that they have time/money/energy to go on all these other trips to visit friends around the country - go to Vegas, go to Florida, etc. 

  Anyway, vent away - anytime!! 

  Wife, Musician, Fed, WW-er, and Mom of three little kids - not necessarily in that order.

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• Heather6907

  March 2011

  I can totally relate.  DH's parents (dad and stepmother) live less than 5 minutes from us and we see them less than once a month.  We always invite them over, but they are "too busy" even though one is retired and one is semi-retired.  It seems so strange to me that my parents in MA see our kids more often than they do.  When they do visit, everyone has a great time so I really don't know what the deal is.  One of my friends said to be happy I don't have meddling in-laws.  I see the point, but come on! 
  

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• Artslvr

  March 2011

  OK, just for another perspective.  I just talked to a lady at work who is walking around showing everyone a picture of her first grandchild, born two weeks ago.  Her son/daughter-in-law/grandbaby live about 45 minutes away from her. 

  I said to her "oh, it's so nice you live so close, you can pop up for a visit any time" and she went into this long train-of-thought about how she and her husband do not want to crowd the new parents, and they probably won't go see the baby again until July.  (!)

  So I told her that yeah, at first the parents probably want their own space, but I would think in a few weeks/months/years they'd welcome more visits.  She said no, she and her husband don't want to be pushy, and they probably will only visit a few times a year.

  I have no idea what her relationship is with her son/DIL, though I've heard her talk about them before - and I remember pictures my coworker showed from when they got married, and I dont' remember any drama stories - I think the relationship is fairly good.  I can't imagine that she doesn't want to see that grandbaby more than a few times a year living only 45 minutes away.  But she did put a lot of thought into it, and has convinced herself that this is best.

  I just thought it was interesting, hearing from the grandparent who doesn't plan to visit the grandchild too often.

  Wife, Musician, Fed, WW-er, and Mom of three little kids - not necessarily in that order.

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• Sofka

  March 2011

  Artslvr:

  OK, just for another perspective.  I just talked to a lady at work who is walking around showing everyone a picture of her first grandchild, born two weeks ago.  Her son/daughter-in-law/grandbaby live about 45 minutes away from her. 

  I said to her "oh, it's so nice you live so close, you can pop up for a visit any time" and she went into this long train-of-thought about how she and her husband do not want to crowd the new parents, and they probably won't go see the baby again until July.  (!)

  So I told her that yeah, at first the parents probably want their own space, but I would think in a few weeks/months/years they'd welcome more visits.  She said no, she and her husband don't want to be pushy, and they probably will only visit a few times a year.

  I have no idea what her relationship is with her son/DIL, though I've heard her talk about them before - and I remember pictures my coworker showed from when they got married, and I dont' remember any drama stories - I think the relationship is fairly good.  I can't imagine that she doesn't want to see that grandbaby more than a few times a year living only 45 minutes away.  But she did put a lot of thought into it, and has convinced herself that this is best.

  I just thought it was interesting, hearing from the grandparent who doesn't plan to visit the grandchild too often.

  you should give her the other POV and see if you can change her mind! that's just crazy talk

   

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• victoria1212 member

  March 2011

  we have the same sort of disinterest in our family and I have just decided it is their loss. I am just glad that my mom is completely over the top and always excited to see DD. One doting grandmom is good

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