Saw this post on 9-12 and it got me thinking

RunningWife · March 2011

About being one and done.

Are you? And if you are, what brought you to that decision and how do you feel about it?

I'm pretty sure DH and I are one and done. I love Logan with all my heart and wouldn't change a thing, but I don't know if I want to do the newborn thing again.

I also like the fact that with him, we will be able to provide him with every opportunity, take vacations and if he wants to try something (sport, activity, etc) we can do that without thinking, and not having to worry about providing the same thing for several children.

DH and I are financially stable and have good jobs, but the bottom line is the more kids you have, the more expensive it is. And the more I think about it, I do feel very content with my family just the way it is.

However, I do have a brother and I am so thankful for him, so I'm not sure if DS would suffer without a sibling...

What about you ladies??

JJ1973 · March 2011

I'm 38, so the clock is ticking. I'm still undecided. I see so many pros to having another but so many cons, as well, as it relates to the stress of day to day functioning in a two career household which is already quite chaotic. I really don't know. I'm interested to hear about what others think.

mamaregan · March 2011

I have thought mant times about the whole one and done thing many times, for the benefits you described. But I look at the relationships I have with my brothers and sil and they are my best friends, I want dd to have the same thing. I also want her to have immediate family god forbid dh and I die. 1ht

kimmyt09 · March 2011

I have my days where I wonder how moms of 2+ even manage since I'm so wiped with just one kid- but I know my family isnt complete. I will say though I always wanted 3 and having a c/s changed that for me. I'll have to see how the next one goes, but this recovery was horrible and I dont know if I can do it 2 more times.

RunningWife · March 2011

mamaregan:
I have thought mant times about the whole one and done thing many times, for the benefits you described. But I look at the relationships I have with my brothers and sil and they are my best friends, I want dd to have the same thing. I also want her to have immediate family god forbid dh and I die. 1ht

I totally agree about the relationship thing you're talking about. And, although our kids will (hopefully) got off and start families of their own, siblings are your tie to YOUR birth family and that is important.

But I don't want to shortchange Logan's childhood experiences and get in over our heads just so he can have a brother or sister. After all, he's here now and he's our priority.

polkadotsock · March 2011

I definitely want one more, if not two. DD is a VERY easy baby and I had a very easy pregnancy. We'll see about the third after the second though.

I grew up with 4 siblings (My parents had 5 under 5!) and I LOVED it. There was always someone to talk too/play with. Even today I would choose hanging out with my siblings over hanging out with my friends because we always have a blast!

MotuCat · March 2011

A lot of people in my family assume we are done since we had B/G twins but I still want more. DH was an only child and always wanted a big family too. Hopefully we will be blessed with another (or two!)

write2nicole · March 2011

I lean toward wanting another; DH is leaning toward one and done. We've agreed not to decide until DS is at least a year old. I think it's important to have perspective on the newborn stage, and I think it's important to get past the more severe stages of sleep deprivation.

We've both raised all the issues that were raised above. And I don't think either of us is sure of how we feel.

The other day, someone at work told DH that having a second child didn't just double the work load; it magnified it tenfold. Maybe DH is more certain, after that.

ETA: DH is also concerned because I had a somewhat difficult pregnancy. He's concerned about whether I might have to go on bedrest and how we (well, he) would juggle everything.

bekah22587@hotmail.com · March 2011

I say I'm never doing it again bc my preg SUCKED but I had a good labor and recovery. I want a little girl SO BAD so i know we will try again.

katicusj · March 2011

I am an only child and frankly I hate it! Its miserable!!!! With my mom getting older if something should happen and she needs care its all on me. Christmas is all on me...EVERYTHING involving my parents is all on me. Because of my experience with this we will, God willing, have at least one more child. I don't want my DD to be lonely as a kid or as an adult because she doesn't have a sibling.

I had all the vacations and the sole attention of my parents growing up and what I remember of it was being bored because I was constantly surrounded by adults. I also remember feeling bound because all of my parents attention and expectations were on me alone.

Now as my disclaimer I understand that not all siblings get along, especially as adults and that caring for ailing parents is not a reason to have another child. However, I do think that kids benefit from having that other person who understands what it was like to grow up in the house they did. I also get that the grass is always greener on the other side. Had I had siblings I probably would have wished to be an only child.

This may be an unpopular opinion but its a true one. In the end I think you have to do what is best for you and your family. But I guess think about your childhood...as an adult are you angry that you didn't go the Bahama's when you were 10? Or are you laughing because of the time you brother did something so funny at the dinner table that soda came out your nose. I think sometimes the little things are better than the big things.

CelticWife · March 2011

I am an only and I while I don't hate it I can't recommend it. Especially since my mom's siblings did not have children. There is only my mom and my uncle on her side, and three cousins who live no where near me on the other. When something happens to my parents, I have no family left.

There is no one to share the memories with. No one who experienced any of the things that I did. And while I know not all siblings are even on speaking terms, most are very thankful they have a sibling.

And while it was great being able to get a new car in high school, or going on vacation, I would have rather had a sibling so that my parents weren't quite so involved with me. (And the "we want to put our child through college" thing is odd to me. My parents paid for some of my school, but there is no way they could have foot the bill for my degree. lol)

ETA: We wanted three through pregnancies, and one adopted. This last pregnancy with DD was horrid; I was on bedrest for 6 months! So we are undecided about whether or not to have a third...

write2nicole · March 2011

CelticWife:
ETA: We wanted three through pregnancies, and one adopted. This last pregnancy with DD was horrid; I was on bedrest for 6 months! So we are undecided about whether or not to have a third...

Wow, 6 months of bedrest! How did you manage, especially with a toddler?

bnbc2007 · March 2011

Me and my husband both thought we where a one and done couple, we fiquered better to have one and be able to give him everything he needs and some, then have more and struggle to make sure there needs are met. but when my son was about 3 my husband raised the topic again and said he wanted to try for a girl, at first i was like "nope, not gonna happen thanks." but after thinking about it a bit I got really excited about it, we didnt get a girl but now we have to wonderful boys i wouldnt trade for the world. I think sometimes it takes a while to fiquer out what you really want. ya it costs more(Im back to buying diapers,$$$$, UHG) but its deffinatly worth it to us and we are really glad we had another. But there will difinatly not be a #3, we took care of that as soon as little carlisle was born.

Ananke · March 2011

I used to always want 2-3 kids, but at this point in time, I can't imagine having another one. I know parents say that love expands, not divides, but I can't imagine loving another person as much as I love DS. I also kind of think it's unfair to him and any future children to split my time between them. I'll never be able to give another child the undivided attention I can give to DS, and that's really not fair to future babies. I'm sure part of this is just my OCD and craziness talking, but as of right now, I'm one and done.

Also, since DH really doesn't help very much, I don't think I can physically or emotionally go through this again (for those who haven't followed our sleep issues - DS was waking every hour or more often for nearly 3 months straight. We just recently had a breakthrough and he'll go 2-3 hours now with a rare 4-5).

Teagiedo · March 2011

I am so torn when it comes to one and done because i am not super close to my siblings. plus twins run in my family and the older you are there is a better chance we could have a multiple birth. financially we are paying off bills and it feels great. ugh i dont know ask me at my sons two year bday, lol

blondek8 · March 2011

I'm sure we're "one and done" we just happened to get 2 out of the deal. Even if we had had a singleton both H and I are confident that we would be truly "one and done". My pregnancy was easy until 32 weeks + and then it was a painful, miserable, non-mobile month and a bit until I was induced. The horrible PPD afterwards (that is still ongoing) and the entire newborn experience is something I'm not willing to put myself or H through ever again.

NicoleR524 · March 2011

We've talked about 2 or 3 but will probably have 2. I couldn't imagine being an only child, even though my sister and I didn't get along until we were adults. She is the only person who really knows me and understands where I come from. I know that she will be there after my mom isn't and the fact that I have someone who I can talk to about her and knows her the way I do is comforting.

Like a pp said, going on vacations and having anything I wanted as a child could replace my sister. We had NO money growing up and while when I was younger, I would have liked some new clothes or to go on vacation...ever...but I do have amazing memories of building forts in our living room and play houses out of cardboard boxes and kicking a soccer ball out in the street. No vacation, shopping spree or amount of toys could have been more meaningful then those memories.

topbirdsix · March 2011

write2nicole:
I lean toward wanting another; DH is leaning toward one and done. We've agreed not to decide until DS is at least a year old. I think it's important to have perspective on the newborn stage, and I think it's important to get past the more severe stages of sleep deprivation.
We've both raised all the issues that were raised above. And I don't think either of us is sure of how we feel.
The other day, someone at work told DH that having a second child didn't just double the work load; it magnified it tenfold. Maybe DH is more certain, after that.
ETA: DH is also concerned because I had a somewhat difficult pregnancy. He's concerned about whether I might have to go on bedrest and how we (well, he) would juggle everything.

This is us except the difficult pregnancy part. I am the youngest of a large but not very close family, H has just one brother. We also have to consider age, I am 40. I have concerns about E not having family around when she goes to start her own family - assuming she waits til her 30s like I did!

zach'swife · March 2011

I never considered one and done and having two has been hard, yes...but so rewarding. Evie is only 7 months old and I already get so much joy out of seeing the relationship grow between my two kids.

I also feel like it's helping teach J a lot of life/relationship skills. (Not saying kids can't learn those in other ways though.)

It has been more work and money (and less sleep)...but so incredibly worth it all.

Unknown · March 2011

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historychick79 · March 2011

We probably are, unless we have some magical financial changes in the next few years. We'd definitely need/want a bigger house to have two, and then we'd have to pay for two in daycare. That's absolutely not possible with our current expenses and there really isn't anything more to cut. And DH is 37 this year and doesn't want to have a baby later than 40. By keeping DS a single child, we can take him on an annual vacation, let him get involved with sports and activities. My heart does ache thinking C will be an only child without the experiences (good and bad) of having a sibling, and I'm worried that he'll stress about taking care of us when we get older. If I somehow got pregnant again, we'd keep it and make it work. But being realistic, it's a more responsible decision to plan for only one than deciding to deliberately have another baby just hoping it will all work out.

emilydholmes1 · March 2011

I've always wanted more than one. We know that for now though, one is enough. We need a bigger house, different jobs, more savings, etc. before we will even think about TTC a second child. But we will have 2-3 more.

KelzinBoston · March 2011

I'm almost certain we're done with 2. It just seems like a good place to stop and I agree...kids are expensive and although we are financially stable, I want to be able to take vacations and be able to pay for the kids to take lessons/classes in whatever they are interested in.

I have to admit though...I've been feeling very sad lately about this being my last baby. I'm just trying to concentrate on my practical side! I think DH is 100% sure he's done, so there's no wavering.

mcc81 · March 2011

definitely not 1 and done. I see how hard being an only is on my Mom now that she's having to take care of my Grandparents on her own and I'd never willingly put DD through that. Especially seeing how much easier it is on my MIL sharing the responsibility of looking after her parents w/ her sister and brother.

brttny10 · March 2011

It is really important for me to give DS siblings. I have three brothers and a sister and DH has two brothers and a sister. We both love the big family atmosphere and relationships we have with our siblings. As of right now I say I would like a total of five, hoping for two to three years between them all. But in reality three would be more manageable.

shakes · March 2011

No, I would like more, two more would be lovely! I grew up an only child and I hated it beyond reason, still do. For me, (and I cannot speak for all only children and this is NOT a guilt post) it was incredibly lonely. I did not have parents who played or did stuff with me, so all I hear was "go read a book, go watch TV, go outside"...now my parents are viciously divorced and my dad has stage 4 brain cancer and I have no one to talk to. Yes I have friends but it's not the same and my fam hates him. I dread when both my parents pass away for many reasons but mostly because I will be alone in the world. At least it's how it feels.

I want a house filled with laughter and little feet. That being said, there is no reason I would ever judge or disagree with anyone who is one and done!

LJR 84 · March 2011

We definitely aren't one and done. We've always said we would have three. Depending on how 2u2 goes, we'll most likely have a third. (Hopefully at least two years later!) We both come from families with 3 kids, and both my parents were from families of 5 kids. I've just always wanted a bigger family. Who knows, we may even go for 4 if we decide we want to and it's financially possible.

l0613p · March 2011

katicusj:

I am an only child and frankly I hate it! Its miserable!!!! With my mom getting older if something should happen and she needs care its all on me. Christmas is all on me...EVERYTHING involving my parents is all on me. Because of my experience with this we will, God willing, have at least one more child. I don't want my DD to be lonely as a kid or as an adult because she doesn't have a sibling.

All of this.

I was an only child and it really was awful. Plus, now I have all of the stress that everything falls on me if something were to happen to my mom (my dad is already dead - but he was also a concern of mine). Not to mention that my mom is extremely dependent on me. I can't skip out on holidays. If she wants to go out somewhere, there are no other children to call. I am it.

We'll have one more and that will be it. If we for some reason can't conceive, we'll adopt. I don't want DS growing up by himself.

rlyttle · March 2011

I'm on the fence about it. Before I TOTALLY wanted more kids, but now I'm not sure. My mother HATES when I say that. haha I love DS SOOOO much, and he is a very easy baby. With that being said, I'm sure our next baby would not be so easy. I don't know if I have the energy to go through pregnancy again, and dealing with a new baby again, plus already having one. Not even to mention the $$$$!!! Who knows, maybe I'll get baby fever again here in a couple years. I'm going to stay put for now

-I couldn't imagine growing up without my brothers though. Having siblings is such a great thing. I would almost feel bad for DS if he didn't have a sibling to grow up with.

kerribear1717 · March 2011

If there's any hope for those of us who had/have a difficult baby to next have an easier one, then I'm going for it

Looking at the getting older situation ...From working in a nursing home I've seen all kinds of situations, those with no kids at all, those with one child, those with many kids but only one takes care of the parents, and those with many kids that all help out. The last one is actually the most rare I would say. However my heart went out to the first ones the most. Either they had no children or their children had died. It was difficult all around.

BlueRidge8 · March 2011

Pretty sure we are one and done.

We just feel like DD completes our family.

Also, I had a dream the other night that I was pregnant again and I woke up SO scared.

NewlyWeds13 · March 2011

I am an only and really liked it. I never really wanted a sibling. My parents actually both died when I was 17 and 19 and even after this... I still can't say that I hated being an only. Of course it was and is hard to not have a nuclear birth family, but I am very close wiht my 2 aunts who did not have kids at all and my grandma (I am the only grandchild).

Anyways-- I would love to be 1 and done, but my DH really wants 3 or even 4. We will likely compromise on 2. I am not sure why he really wants so many kids. He has 1 sister that he is not close to at all, so it is not like he had such a great experience with his siblings..

I just feel like it will cause a tipping point to have 2 and be too difficult with 2 careers and with the type of hours and travel both of us work.

cnahenry · March 2011

1 and done for us. I have never been the type of girl who dreamed of a big family. Actually until I met my husband who was so so confident he wanted a huge family I didn't even want kids. Then when I turned 26 I got baby fever and we were blessed with our little girl. For us it isn't a matter of vacations or more activities and attention for her (which are all things she will get to enjoy), its just a matter of feeling complete just as we are.

As far as having family..LO already has plenty. My H and I both come from large families with lots of cousins for our LO to grow up with.

If for some reason we accidentaly got pregnant. Then so be it. But that is not our plan.

megan&john2007 · March 2011

We are one and done. A LOT of people we know (we live in UTAH) are super against the whole only having one child. We are doing what is best for OUR family and what we think is right. We want our child to have the closeness we had with our parents, and we also want to be able to provide for our child. We want help pay for him to go to college. We don't feel like DS will suffer without having a sibling because he will have a lot of friends and cousins close to the same age. I say do what is best for you and what you feel is right. No one can tell you how many kids to have. There are a lot of people who choose not even to have any kids at all (or those who unfortunately can't have any for medical reasons) - it just works out better for them!

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Saw this post on 9-12 and it got me thinking

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