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RE: Kids and Houses

Married2MrWrightMarried2MrWright member
in Hawaii Babies

I was thinking today about the convo below and it had me asking a bigger question about those people who don't want "evidence that a child lives here..." I really wonder how many of these people actually wanted to have children in the first place? On this board and TB, in general, our children are HIGHLY desired. Meaning, planned for and "tried" for...we were ready to expand our lives to include children and to become parents. It doesn't mean we're doing it perfectly, but we prepared, as best we could, to expand our families.

As we know, in the real world, this is not generally the case. In fact, I'd say more often than not, having a child comes unexpectedly and without being "ready" for it (mentally, financially, etc.) for most parents. And I'd be willing to bet that in many cases this impacts the parents in ways different than if they had planned on starting/expanding their family. How many times did we all hear, "Your life will never be the same..." when we were pregnant? And at least for me, this phrase was always uttered with a negative tone. I didn't get it. I agreed, "Yes! My life will never be the same...it'll be different, but in a better way!" But I also heard it coming a lot from people who had kids unexpectedly. From those who had planned their children (biological as well as adopted) the tone was WAY different.

I recently read an article in Parenting: Early Years about same-sex parenting and how their children are "highly desired." This was defined to mean they had to really try and plan to become parents. This was contrasted with those who have been thrust into parenting "accidently." The comment was that parents of "highly desired" children, in general, prepare more by taking parenting classes/reading books, preparing their home/lifestyle for children (becoming SAHPs, establishing college funds, buying life insurance, etc.) than parents who are seemingly just "coping" with children who weren't planned. That doesn't mean that all unplannd children are unwanted. We all know that many, many kids are "happy surprises" and most definietly wanted.

Anway, I just wondered if this aspect might factor into the thought process of those adults who don't want any evidence of their being a child in their household or who think a child will just blend into their current lifestyle and no changes need to be made when they take on the role of parenting.

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Re: RE: Kids and Houses

  • redshoegirlredshoegirl member

    Hmmm. This is an interesting point! Honestly, I don't know.

    I have a cousin who has had three kids - 1 single and a set of twins - all pretty much unplanned. But they're her world and her house is usually a swamp of kids stuff (if anything I'd say a bit too much lol).

    On the other hand, I have an uncle and aunt who have never had - but always wanted - kids (I think there was an infertility issue there?). My uncle especially alwasy desperately wanted them. But his house is so child unfriendly - as a kid I hated going there because he has white carpet and I was terrified of getting it dirty. Now I know we weren't HIS kids, but I'm not sure he would have been any different if he had them?

    But I know other people who I suspect are a great deal more like what you describe, so I don't know? I don't even know if I could point the finger at personality, because I'm pretty anal retentive about order and organization (to the point where sometimes I wonder if I have a very mild form of OCD). But although toys get picked up at naptimes and when the boys go to bed, I don't get all crazytown on them during the rest of the day.

    Have to run for now, but I find this really interesting...I may be back with more inane rambling lol!

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  • inamrainamra member
    Yeah, I think the whole "no evidence" of kids thing isn't the sort of attitude that I would want but I can relate a bit to the whole "overrun" issue--like I want my home to be a balance of kids and adults stuff because just because we have kids, doesn't mean our home should look like Chuck-E-Cheese. But right now, due to the size of our home, it looks slightly like a half-playground due to B's play area taking up most of our open living room space with just a narrow space to walk through the living room to get around). But it's still too small for him but it's the best we can do right now. But like you mentioned, I would never want my home to look like we don't have kids at all. Then my question would be, why have kids then if you're trying to "hide" it?
    Sept 2008 Wedding | May 2010 & Mar 2012 Babies
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  • redshoegirlredshoegirl member

    imageinamra:
    But right now, due to the size of our home, it looks slightly like a half-playground due to B's play area taking up most of our open living room space with just a narrow space to walk through the living room to get around). But it's still too small for him but it's the best we can do right now. But like you mentioned, I would never want my home to look like we don't have kids at all. Then my question would be, why have kids then if you're trying to "hide" it?

    You know, I think that a big issue with a house being "overrun" with baby toys is that they're BIG compared to older kid toys. I mean think about all the large items - play mats, jumperoos, walkers, etc. Not to mention that at a young age, they can't clean up after themselves and parents are often too busy, tired and frazzled to do it every time something gets moved out of place. I dunno...it seems like the people that object to seeing toys (any toys!) expect babies to be like 9 year olds.

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