One and done?

Shoshi10 · March 2011

If you are one and done, what are your reasons for that decision? Do you worry your LO will miss out by not having a sibling? DH and I always said we wanted 2 kids, but now DH really wants to stop at one. His reasoning is mostly financial, we can afford for me to SAH with DD, pay for her college education, etc. but we would not be able to do this if we had 2. I also had a short battle with PPD and we are both afraid it could be worse next time.DH is pretty set on having one, yet I am still torn. He says he feels totally fulfilled with DD, but I don't quite feel the same yet. In the meantime, I cancelled my maternity coverage because that extra money can go towards something more practical and if we change our minds, I can add it back in and wait the 15 months like I had to before conceiving DD. Sorry no paragraphs, on iPad.

americanada · March 2011

i'm in a similar boat. we always wanted 2 and dh is feeling the pressure financially. i have time constraints, though, so it's not like we can revisit it in 2 yrs. i do worry about ds not having a sibling, but i know he'll be ok too if he's an only child. it's a really hard decision to make together. good luck.

doremi29 · March 2011

We are not one and done, but I just wanted to say that overtime, your DH may definately change his thinking on this. I don't see anything wrong with 1 child families, but I wouldn't feel like you have to make a definate decision at this point.

Personally (and I realize this isn't how everyone would think about this) I understand wanting to give your child as much as you can, but I know that if I had to choose between my parents paying for my college or having a sibling, I'd choose my sibling.

DuckLover · March 2011

I'm 99% sure we are one and done.

DS was born with a life threatening defect that wasn't caught until after birth and it almost took his life. Before he was transfered to Childrens Hospital I was told "I don't want to scare you but he might not make the transfer to CHOC." It was hell. DH was in afghainstan when I had him so it wasn't exactly an easy road. DS had surgery at 4 days old and I wasn't there because I had a CS and hadn't been discharged yet. He recovered and he was sent home.

A couple days before he was 7 months old we took him to the ER thinking he had an ear infection and because he just wasn't himself at all. Turns out he reherniated and had another surgery to repair the same defect. The chance of the next baby having the same defect is small but it is still there.

I also told DH that I would only consider having another one while he is non deployable which he is until March 2014 but I am totally content with DS. I can not imagine another LO and I feel our family is complete.

BelleIsa · March 2011

doremi29:
We are not one and done, but I just wanted to say that overtime, your DH may definately change his thinking on this. I don't see anything wrong with 1 child families, but I wouldn't feel like you have to make a definate decision at this point.

Personally (and I realize this isn't how everyone would think about this) I understand wanting to give your child as much as you can, but I know that if I had to choose between my parents paying for my college or having a sibling, I'd choose my sibling.

Ditto this.

Also, having a sibling will make it easier to care for our aging parents when they're older. Putting all that burden on one person is a lot, esp. if they don't live near you. Since I don't live near my parents, it would really hard for me to organize care/be there if they're ill when they get old. It would place a huge amount of guilt (not to mention financial responsibility) on me to chose being close to my parents, or being in a job I love (that involves living abroad).

secretmemories13 · March 2011

We're going through the same debate. I think we're going to be one and done....

DD is an easy baby who is super healthy. Im worried we might not be as lucky with #2. Also, I have PCOS, I not sure could handle the emotions of not being able to have #2, if we were faced with infertility. Additionally, I am concerned about the real reasons I want another one. I don't know if it's because I didn't enjoy being pregnant and I want to be pregnant again, or if it's because I truly want another one. I don't know if it's a biological urge, or social pressure. I'm not sure we could afford another one, and I hate to use this reasoning, but the world is a really jacked up place I'm not sure I want to bring another child into, especially when I'm not sure of my reasoning to have another one anyway.

I might feel differently later, or be in a better financial position, but as of right now I am leaning toward one and done. It's a serious decision I will have to figure out with DH when and if we reach a point where that is an option.

Shandie_725 · March 2011

I've heard that you will just "know" when your family is complete. I'm content, for now. As much as I don't get along with siblings and can't stand one of them, I couldn't imagine NOT having siblings growing up.

However, I can promise you that my kids will not be close like my siblings and I were - I was born in 1985, my brother born in 1985 (no, not a typo), sister 1987 and a 2nd sister 1988 (a little over 1 year apart.) My mom also had 2 babies before me that would have been 1983 and 1984.

Go_Dawgs · March 2011

I'm an only child. My mom stayed at home until I was in school, and then only worked part time. My parents bought my first (and my second) car, paid for undergrad and helped pay for law school, paid for a nice wedding, etc. I am very fortunate to have had so much financial assistance from my parents. However, in a heartbeat I'd trade a big chunk of the financial help they have given me in order to have a sibling. Family is more important than money. I didn't mind being a only child when I was a kid, but now that I'm an adult I wish that I had a brother or sister. Our kids will never have cousins (it's highly unlikely that DH's brother will have kids), and the thought of my parents growing old and losing them without having the support of a sibling makes me very sad.

amykins1283 · March 2011

Nope. We want 3 or 4 kids, if possible.

I have a much older half-brother (16 years older, to be exact) so I grew up practically an only child. He has issues and can barely take care of himself so it's basically up to me to take care of my parents when they get older. I wish I had a closer sibling who was able to share some of that responsibility with me. It's a lot of pressure! Plus, I really feel like I would have enjoyed growing up with another kid in the house.

DH is 16 months older than his sister and they are pretty close and had a blast growing up together. He really enjoyed having a sibling to play with, fight with, and just generally be with. They moved a lot (army) so it was nice for him to have someone who knew exactly what he was going through.

I had a fairly easy pregnancy and Liam is a great baby. We've been lucky so far. If my next pregnancy is hell or I end up with a colicky baby or something I might be singing a different tune! But, for now, we are looking forward to growing our family.

driveshorses · March 2011

doremi29:
We are not one and done, but I just wanted to say that overtime, your DH may definately change his thinking on this. I don't see anything wrong with 1 child families, but I wouldn't feel like you have to make a definate decision at this point.
Personally (and I realize this isn't how everyone would think about this) I understand wanting to give your child as much as you can, but I know that if I had to choose between my parents paying for my college or having a sibling, I'd choose my sibling.

All this. I have 2 older siblings and 1 younger sibling. I'm pretty close to all of them. My SS (9y/o) is fantastic with DD and she loves playing with her brother.

On the same token, I told DH that DD is lucky we have my SS because I couldn't do it again. She was my 2nd pregnancy and both were VERY hard on me, including bedrest, pre-e, PIH and early delivery.

RedCardinal · March 2011

amykins1283:
Nope. We want 3 or 4 kids, if possible.
I have a much older half-brother (16 years older, to be exact) so I grew up practically an only child. He has issues and can barely take care of himself so it's basically up to me to take care of my parents when they get older. I wish I had a closer sibling who was able to share some of that responsibility with me. It's a lot of pressure! Plus, I really feel like I would have enjoyed growing up with another kid in the house.
DH is 16 months older than his sister and they are pretty close and had a blast growing up together. He really enjoyed having a sibling to play with, fight with, and just generally be with. They moved a lot (army) so it was nice for him to have someone who knew exactly what he was going through.
I had a fairly easy pregnancy and Liam is a great baby. We've been lucky so far. If my next pregnancy is hell or I end up with a colicky baby or something I might be singing a different tune! But, for now, we are looking forward to growing our family.

I agree with this. My cousin grew up like an only child her siblings were 20 yrs older ! She hated it, needless to say she ended up having 6 kids of her own, and pretty close together. I am happy with 2 myself. Mine play and fight already and my youngest is 9 months It's priceless !

ToBeClements · March 2011

Yep, we are. DH is the youngest of 3, I am an only child. I loved growing up as an only child, my friends were always fighing with their siblings. As and adult I have no desire to change the fact that I didn't have a sibling. I guess you don't miss what you don't have. I would not change my life for the world.

I feel like I always have to defend our choice to only have one. When people ask and we say, "just one" they always say "You're still young, you'll want another one, I promiss." I hate that. We knew before we had LO we only wanted one, and now we know our family is complete.

Now, there are medical reasons we have chosen to stay at one as well. LO was a twin, and we lost her twin in the first tri. I have a large family history of women getting pregnant with tiwns, but losing them within 2nd tri. We are so lucky that Tessa survived and is a perfectly healthy baby. We know that the chances of me getting pregnant again with twins is very high, and honestly, I can't handle 9 months of bedrest with a child running around. Plus I don't want 3 babies!!!! About 2 hours after Tessa was delivered, I actually 'crashed' twice from complications, and the thought of that happening again is not worth it for me.

ANJ410 · March 2011

When I got pg with my 1st baby, my DH had a booming small chain of restaurants and we were more than financially well off. Right after my son was born the recession hit and we lost our business, our house, and all of our savings. DS was a very difficult baby and I had really bad PPD. All logical thinking pointed towards "one and done".

I have to say that by the time my son turned 2, our financial situation had improved greatly and my DD is the world's easiest baby. Yes, it is pretty expensive to have two children, but we make it work. I am a SAHM now, but don't plan to be home forever. I know I need to go back to work in a few years to start putting college funds together for our kids.

Don't rule out another baby yet. You have time to make that decision. My LO's love eachother so much. Yes, it would be easier to just have one, but it brings us so much joy to have the two of them.

klaceyblair · March 2011

DH wants another one eventually (when i actually finish my dental hygiene school) but its me that doesn't want another one. I am the only child in my family and i like to think i turned out fine. also, DH has little brothers that are 5 and 2 right now so i know DS won't have any problems being lonely (especially since we live only 10 min from MIL). although we kept most of the clothes just in case.

humynone · March 2011

I'm one and done (had a POAS scare this week that confirmed that for me)...I'd be open to another child via adoption, but DH isn't right now. We also had a medical scare at 6m with DD...and I don't think I can do that again.

She's going to have aunts and cousins who are near her age, so we'll stay close with all of them so she doesn't feel she's missing out on family bonds. And finally...environmentally, I feel guilty enough bringing a child into an already crowded world (nearly 7 BILLION and counting). I feel blessed with one...it is enough.

NewMommy423 · March 2011

I love my brother and couldn't imagine my life without a sibling. I also have 3 sister in laws that I couldn't imagine my life without.

We most likely won't be able to have another child naturally, but we intend to have another 2 through surrogacy or adoption. We will, however, be able to afford to pay for all of their education (if we choose to do so) and weddings.. etc., but even if we could not, we would still choose to have a larger family.

Good luck to you!

JMB22 · March 2011

I was going to post a very similar question. I want a second baby but DH is unsure and is happy with just our DS. DH was essentially an only child because his older half brother is about 15 years older. He doesn't understand the bond that my sister and I have, even though we are 5 years apart. Still, we have time to decide which is a blessing. Maybe you two can just wait and see how you feel in a few years?

margotmacomber · March 2011

I've always only wanted one kid. DH wanted a son, but after having DD he doesn't want to have another either. DD STTN immediately, never screamed for no reason, I had a painless scheduled C-section--to make a long story short he is terrified the next baby will be too hard in comparison. Who knows if we stick with the one child policy or not.

Unknown · March 2011

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Lyssapee · March 2011

Go_Dawgs:
I'm an only child. My mom stayed at home until I was in school, and then only worked part time. My parents bought my first (and my second) car, paid for undergrad and helped pay for law school, paid for a nice wedding, etc. I am very fortunate to have had so much financial assistance from my parents. However, in a heartbeat I'd trade a big chunk of the financial help they have given me in order to have a sibling. Family is more important than money. I didn't mind being a only child when I was a kid, but now that I'm an adult I wish that I had a brother or sister. Our kids will never have cousins (it's highly unlikely that DH's brother will have kids), and the thought of my parents growing old and losing them without having the support of a sibling makes me very sad.

OMG, We were leaning towards one and done, and you completely opened my eyes. I guess it's natural to want to give you children everything. But does having everything mean that same when you don't have family to share it with.

I'm thinking if we do have another it wouldn't be until she was at least in prek.

Fashiongal1973 · March 2011

We are one and done for many reasons but the biggest is fertility. It took us three years, several IUI and one round of IVF to conceive. I am diabetic and had to take insulin on top of the fertility drugs and was closely monitored during my pg. There is no way I could go through all of that physically but mostly the emotional toll. Then what if it doesn't work?

We have talked about adoption but I am still happy with my DS if we don't.

I was an only child and have no regrets.

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