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Natural Birth
Who is going to be at your birth? poll
My FI and I are having this debate now. He will obviously be there, and I would like my mom too, and we've thought about hiring a doula as well. (natural hospital birth)
He says thats too many people, blah blah blah...
Is it weird that I want my mom there?
Who will be at your births? DH, moms, children, siblings, doula?
(please also note where you will give birth: home, birth center, hosp...)
TIA
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Re: Who is going to be at your birth? poll
Wedding 6.18.04 Cole 11.20.06 Gavin 3.31.08 Parker 07.15.10 Logan 04.03.12
DH and my SIL will be with me at the hospital. My mom lives thousands of miles away or she would be there instead of SIL. We almost hired a doula, but changed our minds.
I do not think it is weird that you want your Mom there.
homebirth baby #1: DH, MW, MW assistant, student MW, mom, dad, sister, brother, best friend (we ended up transferring to the hospital for a surgical birth and were limited to four guests: DH, mom, dad, MW)
homebirth baby #2: DH, MW, MW assistant, mom, dad, sister, doula/friend, photog/friend
i HIGHLY recommend hiring a doula. significant reduction in the use of standard interventions and c/s.
Hospital birth here. My DH and my doula will be there only.
I would rather poke my own eyeballs out with a fork than have my mom in the room...but I don't think it's necessarily "weird" that you want YOUR mom there. Lots of women want their moms there. It's not for me though.
Its not wierd that you want your mom there. I had my stepmom at my dds birth but not at my ds's. I liked having her there since shes the closest person I have to a mother but I didnt like how she pushed me to get an epidural with my first (I didnt but I shouldnt have someone pushing me to do something I dont want to do.).
I had a homebirth 2 weeks ago. I had 2 midwives, my dh, my 2 yo dd, my friend Robyn to care for my dd, and my friend Melanie to take pics. I liked the amount I had there, I probably couldve had less if I hadnt had my dd there but I liked them. They stayed out of my way if I wanted them out and brought me fluids as needed, heated rice socks, or squeezed my hips. Everyone just seemed to know what I wanted and we all synched together great.
When DD was born it was important to me that it was just DH and myself.
Of course, like most sturdy plans, that didn't happen.
I wasn't actually sure I was in labor most of the day, and spent it with my two friends having contractions on and off while DH was at work. I ended up having them take me to the hospital, and they hung around until I had to start pushing.
Honestly they could have been flies on the wall, because DH was so greatly helpful. I had a couple cheerleaders though and it made the three of us closer. They both were honored to be a part of the process and both have told me since how amazing it was to be on that side of delivery.
Also- at the time of pushing I had DH, Doctor (who nearly missed it), three nurses and another nurse to take care of DD once she was there. So there were a lot of people there, and I don't think I would have even noticed at the time how many peole were in the room.
I don't think I'll ever want a great deal of people there. It also depends on how big the birthing suite your hospital/birthing center has. My friends sat on the couch most of the time while I went through contractions, and for the most part they were just silent spectators. In the future I might invite a couple of family members in to be a part of it.
My first was a homebirth. I wanted as few people as possible. I labored alone for the first two hours, with my DH for about 20 minutes, and my MW and her assistant came for the last 45 minutes. (It was a quick birth.)
This time I feel the need for a different vibe and will have more people there. My MW and her assistant, possibly another MW and her assistant, my DH, my DD, and an apprentice MW who is my DDs babysitter. I might even get crazy and have a photographer friend there!
I don't think it's weird for you to want your mom there. I personally would be too stressed with ANY member of my family besides my DH and DD.
Just DH. I would also love to have a doula but I figured my midwife is there with me the whole time anyway so we could spend that money elsewhere. If I was giving birth with an OB though, I would have hired a doula for sure.
I think if your H is uncomfortable with having your mom there, maybe you should re-think that decision. It is a pretty intimate event when you think about it. He will probably find that her assistance will prove valuable to him though. Because someone really should be there to help the coach/birth partner, too (they also need sustenance but they cater to the mom first and foremost, lol)! She could always stay out in the waiting room and he could get her if he ever needs anything like food, mostly. This is what MIL did for DH while I was laboring.
But just talk to him about it. I personally don't think it's weird that you want your mom there because, well, it's your mom. But I can see how he might be uncomfortable with that. The waiting room might be a good compromise but if you request her presence during labor, I don't think he could really argue with you about it at that point.
Matthew Kevin
7/31/83-7/20/11
Met 1/8/00
Engaged 4/21/06
Married 9/29/07
Two beautiful legacies: Noah Matthew (2 yrs) and Chloe Marcella (8 mos)
Day Three
#1: It was just DH and I for 98% of the labor, alone in a hospital room while I was hooked up to monitors (I ended up caving to the epidural) and I'm not sure who all was there for the actual birth, OB and a nurse for sure. Maybe it was two nurses?
#2: I labored at home by myself about 85% of the time, then my doula showed up and within the hour we left for the birth center (attached to the hospital), then I had the MW, two nurses, my doula and husband witness the actual birth.
I had my DH and my MIL there. Along with 2 L & D nurses (one of the nurses' shift had ended but she stayed anyway) and my MW. We delivered in the hospital.
It's not weird at all that you want your mom there! I wanted my mom there as well, but she lives half way across the country and there was no way of knowing when I would go into labor. The nice thing about having an extra person is that it allows your FI to take a quick break without leaving you alone. Your FI can get a quick snack, use the bathroom, etc. Plus this extra support person can help by getting things that you might need a drink, a cool wash rag, etc.
Home birth attendees - MW, MW assistant, DH, and a close friend with birth support experience.
Considerations, #1) who will I be comfortable being completely raw with (raw was the word my MW used when we asked her opinion), and #2) Who will DH feel most comfortable with and supported by?
My mom wasn't in the running, but I don't think it's weird. I'd love her support and nurturing, but her energy is just too anxious/nervous for me to have around.
I plan to have a natural birth in a hospital.
Besides the medical staff, I plan to have my DH and possibly a doula.
I do not want my mom or my MIL there, but I can understand why some women would want them there.
For our hospital birth with our first, it was just DH and me. If I'd known then what I know now, I would have had a doula with us as well.
For our second, we were at home and we had DH, our midwife, her partner and apprentice - a doula, my Mom and my sister.
At the hospital I think it would have been too much to have my Mom there but I loved having her and my sister there for the homebirth, it was a great experience for all of us.
It was just me and DH plus the midwife and the hospital team. I didn't want my mom but I'm not super close with my mother either....
I gave birth at the hospital
[url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1a1ae8.aspx[/img][/url]
1st time: DH and my mom (not planned) which ended up being really nice for both of them. Gave someone for DH to talk to while I laboured silently and my mom got to see her first grandchild born. I think they kept each other calm and focused, which took pressure off me thinking about anything except getting through the contractions. Medical staff totaled my doctor and a nurse or two.
2nd time: DH, an ER doc and one or two nurses.
My husband, doula, midwives (2) and a birth photographer. We plan to be at home. If we planned to be at a birth center or a hospital, it would be the same people.
I personally (and DH too) do NOT want any family members there, as much as we love them.
We'll always remember our angel baby: BFP 9/24/10, M/C 10/23/10 8w4d
I think FI needs to respect your wishes if you want your mom there... this is about making you as comfortable and supported as possible right?
I'm labouring at home as long as I can and delivering at the hospital with my midwife and husband as coach. I considered a doula but ended up feeling like it would be too many people for me... I'm very private and can't imagine a full room - midwife, husband and nurses will be enough for me!
med-free birth x2, breastfeeding, baby wearing SAHM
My BFP Chart
We are planning on delivering at a birth center with DH, both of our older kids (11 & 6), and my dad and stepmom in the room. Of course the MW and her assistant will be there too. My sister may try to sneak her way in, but we'll see how that goes.
FWIW, it was only me and DH in the room when my first was born. My mom really wanted to be there but I was being stubborn. I will say that it is probably the only thing I regret in my life is that my mom wasn't able to watch her grand-daughter come into the world.
Everyone is different with what they feel comfortble with, including the daddy's and grandparents. Do what feels right for you and your family. GL!