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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
MKDee
member
Hubby STRONGLY opposed to ERF...sigh
MKDee
member
DH and I just got into a big fight discussing the new car seat recommendations. He is strongly opposed to ERF because he doesn't believe that HE'S going to get into an accident, he thinks a child would be completely uncomfortable sitting backwards after age 1, and he doesn't think the AAP has any business telling him where to put his carseat. With DS, I didn't fight him on the issue, because the pedi was clear at the 1 year appointment that we could turn him around, and DH took him to the appointment, so it was a losing battle for me from the start. With no. 2 on the way, I told DH that I really want to consider doing ERF at LEAST later than age 1 this time. And he flipped out, screamed that I was being ridiculous and retreated to his mancave. He has no interest in watching YouTube videos of accidents or reading personal accounts of children who were injured from forward facing too soon. Basically, he's being incredibly close-minded on the issue. Any suggestions to get through to him?
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Re: Hubby STRONGLY opposed to ERF...sigh
Hmm...sounds like YH is being a bit ridiculous. Clearly the AAP made those recommendations for a reason. Even if he doesn't agree with them, the fact that he is not even willing to hear or see on youtube why those recommendations were made says that he is very immature I'm sorry but that would really bug me. I'm also sorry you have to deal with this. Maybe give him some time to process it more and then approach it at a later time. Plus, you have a ways to go before this will even be an issue with LO #2. Good luck!
Ha! That totally made me laugh!
I would say better safe than sorry...i'd rather have him uncomfortable than seriously injured in an accident. No one thinks they are going to be in an accident, but it happens...there is really no good argument/benefit to keep him FF, so I think you win!
My DD is 14 months and at the 95% for height. She's still really comfy RF.
Your hubs has some weird notion that the government is telling him what to do. It's not the goernments kid. It's his kid. The government, consisting of thousand of folks, really doesn't care about his specific kid, and the government at large doesn't have a kid. They are only telling the public what they have learned. He , and therefor you, don't HAVE to follow the recommendations, they aren't the law after all. The recommendations can be disregarded and you may or may not have an accident. Whatever. It's your child. His child. It really only matters to you guys how safe he is. We all would like for all children to be safe of course, that's where recommendations come from.
lol
No offense to OP, but seriously... dude needs a life if he's flipping his lid over something like this.
Why wouldn't he at least try it and find out if your kid actually IS uncomfortable before making up his mind??? Both my girls are tall (95th percentile), and they are still rear facing and they are not uncomfortable at all. They never cry, and they love riding in the car. I don't understand why he wouldn't at least give it a shot.
He could be the safest driver in the world--all it would take would be one jerk to cross the line and slam into your car. If that happened, what would he prefer: internal decapitation or broken leg?
He's not psycho, I promise. He's just being unreasonable about this. to be fair to him, we know no one in real life who did ERF, and I think he was shocked when I didn't agree with him that the recommendations were silly. I'm hoping he'll come around, but as someone else said, I do have a year to work on him.
I rarely get involved in this kind of discussion - but in your own words, you state that he flipped out and screamed at you for explaining that you'd prefer to ERF. But, he's not psycho? Reacting by flipping out and screaming isn't a normal reaction. Nor is "retreating to his mancave." Does he lack the ability to have an adult conversation?
It's fine if he thinks the recommendations are silly. He's entitled to his opinion. But the reality is he isn't making an educated decision. And I love that the government can tell him when to flip the seat and the pedi can tell him to flip the seat, but the AAP - the one group that is actually the most educated and able to make recommendation - can't "tell him" how to parent his child.
DD - February 2011
Anyway, I don't understand why he wouldn't want to look into it? I mean, why then does he bother to RF your kid at all? It's not that inconvenient, really. I hope that he uses his cool down time to see that he is acting silly.
this article was on MSNBC today AAP recs ERF until age 2 now - perhaps this will change his mind
https://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/42186101/ns/us_news/
I just wouldn't move the seat. If my DH turned it around, I would turn it back. I think this is a ridiculous thing for him to take a stand on. It's a safety issue. I can't imagine my DH arguing with me over something that would keep our DS safe.
If he needs some further evidence of the safety of rear facing there are some incredible studies done about the benefits of aft-facing seats in airplanes. (Unfortunately, the airlines choose to continue to face forward) I know airplanes aren't the same thing, but the research is compelling.
https://www.airspacemag.com/need-to-know/Need-to-Know-Aft-Facing-Seats.html
BFP#2 4/4/12 EDD: 12/13/12 m/c at 8w2d
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Baby BOY!
Ah yes, we have finally met the most perfect driver in the world surrounded by a bubble. He does realize that he has ZERO control of other drivers, right? He's really not THAT stupid is he? And FYI to him, DD is 18 months and still happily RF-ing. Better to have broken legs than a broken neck.
Ditto everyone else. Sorry your DH is being an irrational assshole. When he's calmer and hopefully thinking more like a mature adult point out to him that until he fully educates himself on both opinions you can't respect his opinion on this and this discussion won't end. I hate when people spout a bunch of crap that's not based on anything but how they feel. Bull-frickin-shiit, that's what I say.
Oh for crying out loud. Lay off the woman's marriage. My husband has called me ridiculous so many times, especially over baby stuff. Spouses bicker, and act stupid. If you can't be a jackas$ in front of your own wife, where can you?
OP, I agree that this is an issue that you should be firm on. If it were MH, I'd go with the persistence tactic. Call your pedi. Maybe he needs to hear it from someone else. Good luck!
He could be the safest driver in the world, but someone else could hit him.
Can you compromise? 18 months? IMO any ERF is better than none.
I would wait until he calmed down, then request that he please sit through ONE video with you (you pick which you think is most powerful), then try to have a discussion about it.
He sounds like a 2 year old throwing a tantrum.
This is an important point- you haven't even had this baby yet, no need ot have this discussion for quite some time. And since the ERF recs are getting a lot of press this week (for whatever reason, I guess they've decided to start promoting more?), maybe more ppl you know IRL will be doing it by then and maybe your pedi will be recommending more to parents & it won't be so bizarre to him. Honestly I would not go crazy over something like this when you haven't even had the baby yet.
MH also thought it was weird, however, my pedi actually brought it up at our 9 month visit I think, so he was on board. A lot of ppl think it is weird, it's not just him. Sure he seems to have overreacted but maybe there is more to it (like he feels like he doesnt get a say in decisions about the kids, etc, I dunno.)
GL!
OP, the conversation with your H went much the same way mine did.
I basically told him that he had 48 hours to bring me evidence that it was safe to FF our TEN MONTH OLD or to get the fuuck out of my face about it. (NOT REALLY, I don't remember the exact words but they were probably snippy) I had my research ready. He finally conceded yesterday that she can RF until 2 (eyeroll) but no longer. I don't know why DH is stuck on the FF, but after seeing facts he made a decision. We will cross the next bridge when we get to it.
Matthew Kevin
7/31/83-7/20/11
Met 1/8/00
Engaged 4/21/06
Married 9/29/07
Two beautiful legacies: Noah Matthew (2 yrs) and Chloe Marcella (8 mos)
Day Three
This.
I can't even imagine my husband arguing to do something that was less safe for our baby, never mind scream at me about it, storm off, and act like a child about it. He'd buy me a new car (which he is adamantly opposed to at the moment because mine works fine) if it meant we'd be able to RF longer. I'd personally just tell him that this is the way it is, if he can't make the right decisions to keep your LO safe then he shouldn't get a say in safety issues. And for the person who said "if you can't be a jackass in front of your wife, you can you?" my answer is no one. How about just not being a jackass, especially to your wife.
I always find it weird when someone feels really strongly that a child must be forward facing at 1year old.......
When he calms down (sorry - but, I find it weird he even needs to calm down over this), I'd ask him - what's the big deal? It's not like he has to do anything.....he doesn't even need to install the carseat - you can. It's not like it's a personal attack on his driving skills......Is that the issue for him?
I've had fights/arguements with my husband.....but he (or I - for that matter) has/have never screamed.....you're exaggerating, right? Screaming is weird.
Or....you could just drop it for now.....by the time your new baby is a 1 year old - a lot could change in his opinion.
Seriously! Who the eff screams at you for wanting to follow the AAP guidelines to keep your child safe? I would have flipped the fvck out if you husband reacted that way about ERF.
He sounds like a huge @ss.
Also, found out today on Joel's Journey that the NHSTA did not even conduct crash tests to formulate their 1 yr./20lbs rec. Repeat...no crash tests. Which makes that "guideline" pretty arbitrary since it's not based on actual data.
your husband is full of win.
What a complete idiot; if I were in your shoes I would tell him that he can no longer drive my child around if he refuses to RF.
His logic here is flawed. He may not cause the accident but he can not control other drivers. My BIL is also a great driver, Saturday afternoon at 3 pm he was at a red light and a drunk driver hit him from behind. There is nothing that my BIL could have done that would have stopped that guy from hitting him. That is the reason we put our children in car seats and why the car seat experts are always trying to make it safer.
I also find it interesting that with DS he was using the pedi giving the okay as the reason to turn him at 1 and now that the AAP has a different recomendation they have no business telling him what to do. Another flaw in his logic. For that I would show him the you tube videos, and the NTSB recomendations since the NTSB are the experts.
I agree with you and pps that you have time to have this discussion again, and I think that you need to just keep having it with him when he is more calm until he understands your concerns and at least listens. GL
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