bed-sharing

Emily2me · March 2011

If this has been discussed, I missed it. How do people feel about this? I didn't realize it was a big debate. I do it, but I don't want people to hold back opinions.

https://moms.today.com/_news/2011/03/07/6212018-mayim-bialik-why-we-let-our-children-sleep-in-our-bed

Traycee1242 · March 2011

We did from day 1 until DS was 16 months old. I did a ton of research, took all the safety precautions... For the first few months he slept in a safe and secure sleeper in between us for extra precaution.
He slept in his crib for naps, and then at about 8 months old I would put him down for the night in his crib, but upon waking for his first feeding (we EBF) we brought him in with us for the rest of the night.
Its definitely not for everyone but I LOVED it. I found it more bonding than breastfeeding to be honest.
He also very easily transitioned to the crib full time at 16 months with the help of the Sleep Lady Shuffle.
Again I understand its not for everyone and you have to do what's right for your family... However I found it SO irritating to hear the "it's so dangerous" actually NO, when done safely and using all the guidelines it's actually safer.. More babies die in their cribs and almost all bedsharing deaths are related to drug/alcohol use or dangerous pillows/blankets by the parents. Also heard a lot of "how do you ever have SEX??" um... The bedroom, in bed..at night isn't the ONLY place to have sex... You find yourself getting more creative and actually made our sex life better.

sistrkate · March 2011

I have been watching Mayim Bialik on The Big Bang Theory, and this article conveys the same strong personality her character has on that show. I love the tone that used when she wrote this, she is so confident and it almost made me wish that we were bed-sharing parents cuddling our babies like that!

But, bed-sharing was not for us. I remember when my oldest was born, and not sleeping at night. I asked my sister (veteran mom of 3) for suggestions, and she suggested that we let him sleep with us. I just couldn't do it. I didn't sleep at all when he was in bed with us, I was terrified he'd get caught up in the covers, that our alarm clocks would wake him when I didn't want them to, etc., etc.

I know a lot of people do it and I think it's great if it works for your family unit.

stacieann15 · March 2011

sistrkate:
But, bed-sharing was not for us. I remember when my oldest was born, and not sleeping at night. I asked my sister (veteran mom of 3) for suggestions, and she suggested that we let him sleep with us. I just couldn't do it. I didn't sleep at all when he was in bed with us, I was terrified he'd get caught up in the covers, that our alarm clocks would wake him when I didn't want them to, etc., etc.

this is us, exactly.

Emily2me · March 2011

Traycee1242:
We did from day 1 until DS was 16 months old. I did a ton of research, took all the safety precautions... For the first few months he slept in a safe and secure sleeper in between us for extra precaution.
He slept in his crib for naps, and then at about 8 months old I would put him down for the night in his crib, but upon waking for his first feeding (we EBF) we brought him in with us for the rest of the night.
Its definitely not for everyone but I LOVED it. I found it more bonding than breastfeeding to be honest.
He also very easily transitioned to the crib full time at 16 months with the help of the Sleep Lady Shuffle.
Again I understand its not for everyone and you have to do what's right for your family... However I found it SO irritating to hear the "it's so dangerous" actually NO, when done safely and using all the guidelines it's actually safer.. More babies die in their cribs and almost all bedsharing deaths are related to drug/alcohol use or dangerous pillows/blankets by the parents. Also heard a lot of "how do you ever have SEX??" um... The bedroom, in bed..at night isn't the ONLY place to have sex... You find yourself getting more creative and actually made our sex life better.

We also had a secure sleeper that we used for about a month and a half. It's reassuring to hear that he transitioned to his crib easily. That's probably one of the biggest concerns that I have when it comes to bed-sharing.

Ttimes3 · March 2011

You all know that W doesn't even have a crib, yet. We bed-share (although we did sleep train J between 6-7 months and we will, most likely, *try* to do the same with W in a few months). I feel as though I could have written this article. I've received many a side-eye for bed-sharing (my mom's eyes have all but popped out of her head); but, at the end of the day, I don't really care what anyone ELSE thinks about my/our parenting decisions. DH and I are intelligent folk, and WE do what we think is best for OUR children. Period.

I especially liked this: "Do I sleep as well with my kids in our bed as I would without? No. But it will be over soon, and it?s not weird to want to be close to your children when their physiological and psychological development dictates that they need to be held close."

MrsMoher · March 2011

We did when Eli was a newborn, because he would actually sleep then. We loved it. However it definitely hurts the love life and once they get to the fidgity toddler stage I was done (read that as kicking mommy in the back or face).

Emily2me · March 2011

Ttimes3:

You all know that W doesn't even have a crib, yet. We bed-share (although we did sleep train J between 6-7 months and we will, most likely, *try* to do the same with W in a few months). I feel as though I could have written this article. I've received many a side-eye for bed-sharing (my mom's eyes have all but popped out of her head); but, at the end of the day, I don't really care what anyone ELSE thinks about my/our parenting decisions. DH and I are intelligent folk, and WE do what we think is best for OUR children. Period.

I especially liked this: "Do I sleep as well with my kids in our bed as I would without? No. But it will be over soon, and it?s not weird to want to be close to your children when their physiological and psychological development dictates that they need to be held close."

Yes

I completely understand that it's not for everyone.

l.m.k. · March 2011

Nora sleeps in her crib most of the time, but if she wakes in the middle of the night and won't fall back asleep without nursing, I bring her in our bed. She nurses and falls back asleep with us. She always sleeps in between us - between our pillows. She slept in a seperate co-sleeper in our room until she was almost 3 months. I know it's not the safest option, but it works for us in a pinch and we are both very careful.

Ttimes3 · March 2011

ZOMG...now I'm sobbing at my desk. Crying

"...watching our boys go from awake and fiery to restful and angelic: asleep at last. I find myself gazing at those faces many times a night; a reminder that although my husband and I may not be perfect, the boys who carry our names might just be. And that?s a reminder that gives us comfort -- all night long."

JenRose05 · March 2011

we bed shared with both kids. Ben gave it up at 11 months and Nathan...well he wont have it any other way. i'm all for it until they are toddlers and thrashing about the bed, sleeping with his head shoved in your back and his feet in your face.

Traycee1242 · March 2011

Emily2me:
Traycee1242:
We did from day 1 until DS was 16 months old. I did a ton of research, took all the safety precautions... For the first few months he slept in a safe and secure sleeper in between us for extra precaution.
He slept in his crib for naps, and then at about 8 months old I would put him down for the night in his crib, but upon waking for his first feeding (we EBF) we brought him in with us for the rest of the night.
Its definitely not for everyone but I LOVED it. I found it more bonding than breastfeeding to be honest.
He also very easily transitioned to the crib full time at 16 months with the help of the Sleep Lady Shuffle.
Again I understand its not for everyone and you have to do what's right for your family... However I found it SO irritating to hear the "it's so dangerous" actually NO, when done safely and using all the guidelines it's actually safer.. More babies die in their cribs and almost all bedsharing deaths are related to drug/alcohol use or dangerous pillows/blankets by the parents. Also heard a lot of "how do you ever have SEX??" um... The bedroom, in bed..at night isn't the ONLY place to have sex... You find yourself getting more creative and actually made our sex life better.

We also had a secure sleeper that we used for about a month and a half. It's reassuring to hear that he transitioned to his crib easily. That's probably one of the biggest concerns that I have when it comes to bed-sharing.

Like I said before he was used to his crib for naps and the start of bedtime at 8 months so I think that definitely helped the transition. With the Sleep Lady Shuffle it only took 7 nights. I was even surprised at how easily he transitioned... That was my biggest fear though but I just told myself we would deal with it when the time came. I think he was ready, and confident. Enjoy the snuggles!! : )

Ttimes3 · March 2011

Traycee1242:
I found it SO irritating to hear the "it's so dangerous" actually NO, when done safely and using all the guidelines it's actually safer.. More babies die in their cribs and almost all bedsharing deaths are related to drug/alcohol use or dangerous pillows/blankets by the parents. Also heard a lot of "how do you ever have SEX??" um... The bedroom, in bed..at night isn't the ONLY place to have sex... You find yourself getting more creative and actually made our sex life better.

Yes

Emily2me · March 2011

MrsMoher:
once they get to the fidgity toddler stage I was done (read that as kicking mommy in the back or face).

I am definitely determined to get him into his crib before this happens. I love bed-sharing, but I am not prepared to create a huge futon matress to accompany our 2, 3, 4, children. That's the only part of the article that I don't agree with. I think there needs to be a set age where the bed-sharing ends. I know it may be tough to break, but I still wouldn't trade it. Am I opposed to our children coming to sleep with us in the middle of the night once they are a little older (bad dreams) or in the morning to cuddle? Absolutely not.

sistrkate · March 2011

This is the part I liked:

The moments we share in the dawn I would not give up for anything: the whispers, the giggles, the just-awakening dreams and musings of a very small person who is happy and safe in my arms.

I went on a trip with my mom, my sister and her 2 boys when they were 2 and 5. We stayed overnight in a hotel before catching our flight the next day. It was so cute to wake up to that sweet little 2 year old talking to his mommy. Smile

Ttimes3 · March 2011

sistrkate:

This is the part I liked:

The moments we share in the dawn I would not give up for anything: the whispers, the giggles, the just-awakening dreams and musings of a very small person who is happy and safe in my arms.

I went on a trip with my mom, my sister and her 2 boys when they were 2 and 5. We stayed overnight in a hotel before catching our flight the next day. It was so cute to wake up to that sweet little 2 year old talking to his mommy.

I just stopped crying... Stick out tongue

Traycee1242 · March 2011

And like I said in my FFFC a few weeks ago... dH travels often and when he's out of town and I'm ready to go to bed I get a knocked out DS from his crib and bring him in with me to snuggle... I return him before he wakes up and so far it hasn't messed him up at all ; )

sistrkate · March 2011

Traycee1242:
And like I said in my FFFC a few weeks ago... dH travels often and when he's out of town and I'm ready to go to bed I get a knocked out DS from his crib and bring him in with me to snuggle... I return him before he wakes up and so far it hasn't messed him up at all ; )

I didn't see that confession, but wow is that cute

I've been tempted to do it a few times. Justin woke up sobbing on Saturday night because his ear hurt, and I wanted to bring him back to bed with me. If my DH didn't snore like a freaking freight train, I probably would have.

Traycee1242 · March 2011

Emily2me:
MrsMoher:
once they get to the fidgity toddler stage I was done (read that as kicking mommy in the back or face).

I am definitely determined to get him into his crib before this happens. I love bed-sharing, but I am not prepared to create a huge futon matress to accompany our 2, 3, 4, children. That's the only part of the article that I don't agree with. I think there needs to be a set age where the bed-sharing ends. I know it may be tough to break, but I still wouldn't trade it. Am I opposed to our children coming to sleep with us in the middle of the night once they are a little older (bad dreams) or in the morning to cuddle? Absolutely not.

ITA as well. I feel like it's a special bonding time.. One baby at a time, you know?? Again, to each their own but I feel the same way.

Traycee1242 · March 2011

sistrkate:
Traycee1242:
And like I said in my FFFC a few weeks ago... dH travels often and when he's out of town and I'm ready to go to bed I get a knocked out DS from his crib and bring him in with me to snuggle... I return him before he wakes up and so far it hasn't messed him up at all ; )
I didn't see that confession, but wow is that cute
I've been tempted to do it a few times. Justin woke up sobbing on Saturday night because his ear hurt, and I wanted to bring him back to bed with me. If my DH didn't snore like a freaking freight train, I probably would have.

Lol... According to MY husband... IM the one who shores... Mostly while pregnant though in my defense : )

Ttimes3 · March 2011

Traycee1242:
And like I said in my FFFC a few weeks ago... dH travels often and when he's out of town and I'm ready to go to bed I get a knocked out DS from his crib and bring him in with me to snuggle... I return him before he wakes up and so far it hasn't messed him up at all ; )

Oh man. Now I'm reciting lines from Love You Forever in my head. I can't.stop.sobbing. HA!

cops_wife · March 2011

When Ellie was a newborn I was too freaked out to fall asleep with her in our bed or even on me. When she got a little older and it became apparent that she abhorred sleep and would really only do it while nursing, she came into bed with me. She slept with me until she was about 14 months. I say "me" because DH was on third shift at the time and gone overnight. I would absolutely do it that way again. I felt safer having her there with me, and I had no help with her overnight so we both got more sleep that way. Eventually I transitioned her to her crib, which I wouldn't call easy but it worked. And now she sometimes sleeps in our bed for a good chunk of the night, sometimes for a few extra hours in the morning and sometimes not at all.

What I really don't get is why anyone else would disapprove or even care. I sure don't care if people don't want to bedshare! I don't think I could have survived Ellie's first year, when she never STTN (or even got close to it) and my husband wasn't there to help at all, without her in bed with me. And sometimes even now when DH is working overnight or working late, I'll wish I had my little kiddo to snuggle. It's definitely not great sleep now, but there's still something wonderful about snuggling with your child when they're still little enough to love it.

teacherjess · March 2011

It wasn't for us (Leah was, and still is, the noisiest sleeper ever and I have only ever brought her in our bed to sleep once, when she was three days old), but, like any other parenting issue, it's a choice. If done safely, I don't see whose business it is how anyone else's baby sleeps. When you're parenting, you do what you have to do to get sleep. If everyone sleeps better when the kids are in bed, then who cares?

adamsbabble · March 2011

We do it. Generally Lila and I sleep in a spooning position, with her between me and the co-sleeper that is attached to my side of the bed, and not between me and DH. I feel safer with her not next to him as he is a sound sleeper. I also layer my clothing so I don't need to use a blanket. The attached co-sleeper also gives me the option to scoot her over there if I need my bed more to myself. Anyway, to each his own. I feel safer having her close. This is how we've done it with all of our children, and when the time felt right they transitioned easily to their own beds and then rooms.

shawnsweetie · March 2011

I didn't have time to read all the posts so I don't know if this is a repeat... but I have bed shared every single night for the past 27 months. I took the proper precautions when he was an infant ( no pillows, no big comforter etc... the bed was a mattress on the floor so no fear of him rolling off, no getting stuck between the bed and bedframe etc).

I love it. I am going to miss it. When I slept with Rylee she would go from being a squirmy little thing to reaching over to twirl my stud earrings as she was drifting off to sleep. With Parker, he rubs the back of my neck or climbs right on top of me (so we are belly to belly) and drifts off to sleep. Once they are asleep, I just lay there and stare at those faces. Those are some of the most precious moments I have.

I won't have a foot in my back or a hand down my shirt forever. For now, I enjoy the hell out of it. Some (most?) people think I am crazy, but it works for my family and Parker and I BOTH enjoy it... so it is all good

Lucky_N_Love · March 2011

Not much more to add but wanted to tell you that you're not alone. We are open bed sharers and have been for as long as I can remember. Didn't plan on it but it happened and I wouldn't have it any other way. Not sure when we will make the transition out of our bed (She is 16 months now) Good to see some closet bed sharers coming out Smile

KristenBtobe · March 2011

We bedshared pretty regularly with both as newborns. O slept in a cosleeper until 6 months or so, and he had a stretch where he was in bed with us for a portion of the night between 6-9 months. Maggie's been having nightmares and coming in bed with us occasionally, but she kicks and hates that I snore.

. full time bedsharing isn't for us, but I understand why people choose it.

allobosc · March 2011

It wasn't for us, particularly my DH, but I didn't mind b/c the boys are both great sleepers. We also have friends where their 5 yr. old still sleeps with them. It just wasn't our style, but I get while people do it. When we've had to share a bed with Alex, it is like sleeping with a fish out of water and DH & I end up bruised and tired ourselves, lol.

That all said...with Cameron, while I've been on break when he gets up in the morning, I do his feeding and then we snuggle back to bed together and I love it. He doesn't sleep nearly as well this way as he does in his crib, but I know how quickly the time passes at this stage and I want it to linger as long as possible. I'm not afraid of spoiling this guy

curlypie1 · March 2011

We partially bed share. We do the same with Iris as we did with Nora. It's a whole lot easier now that we've pushed our bed against a wall. Once she wakes in the night, she comes to our bed and remains there the rest of the night. I don't use covers and layer a nice warm fleece sweat shirt instead. I turn my pillow lengthwise to give her less to roll into. She's been restless the last couple weeks but up until then, she has slept so soundly next to me. I love that first morning smile I get when she raises her little head up off the mattress. I know we won't do this forever and I love being able to snuggle with her while I can.

mrs.george2be04 · March 2011

I swore we'd never do it (because I'm typically such a heavy sleeper), but we did. I feel like all 3 of us got more sleep that way, especially in the beginning when he was nursing so often. We did it until we Ferbered at around 8 months. I still get the warm and fuzzies thinking about my sweet baby snuggled up next to me.

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