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August 2011 Moms
DestinedtobeDomestic
member
It must have been the full moon (LONG vent)
DestinedtobeDomestic
member
This weekend was all sorts of crazy for DH and I. Since before I was pregnant we have had first names picked out for a boy and a girl, we finally settled on middle names to go with them when I was 14 weeks (so about 3 weeks ago now). We agreed from day one that we won't be sharing the name of our baby, because we wanted to avoid unwanted opinions from family members. The only people who know the name of our little girl are his parents and siblings and my parents & brother. And now you girls get to know too, because it just makes the story that much easier: We're naming our daughter Harper Mae and we absolutely love it, and having been calling her Harper since we found out a week ago she was a little girl.
Well Saturday, my MIL found out via facebook that her half-sister's daughter who is pregnant out of wedlock and due at the end of April finally decided on a name for her baby boy: Harper.
Freaking greeaaaaaaat. I immediately said we're not changing our daughter's name because birth certificate or not...she's already Harper to us. DH hasn't seen this cousin in probably 10 years...maybe even longer, and our kids will probably never even meet. To me it's equivalent to a distant friend on facebook naming their child the same as ours...But it still sucks. I mean, what are the chances!? DH and I have never met a Harper in our lives.
We've decided not to say anything to them that we're naming our daughter Harper for a few reasons, I don't want them to expect us to change our daughter's name and I don't want her to feel like we expect her to change her son's name. And two, I don't want to listen to the drama. We've decided to just wait until our daughter is born and when we announce her name, MIL will just explain to her sister and niece what I just explained above.
Oh, and to top it all off, yesterday I decided to share on facebook that I was already becoming addicted to cloth diapers and basically got chastised by a friend who isn't even a mom and one of DH's cousins (sister to cousin who is naming her son Harper). Lesson learned-don't share parenting styles.
Please no flamming...I've already had a $h!!ty enough couple days as it is.
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Re: It must have been the full moon (LONG vent)
I see no reason to change your name if DH hasn't seen his cousin in so long - I don't even know the names of my parents cousins, and maybe one of them has the same name as me!
Oh, and I brought up the idea of cloth diapering to my mom and brother - they also criticized me - my mom said I'll get sick of dealing with the mess, and my brother told me I'll be hurting the environment with all of the water I'll use cleaning them. I'll do my own research and see what side is more environmentally friendly -my little brother has opinions on everything whether he knows anything or not!
I don't see any reason why you need to change your daughter's name. For what it's worth I think its a beautiful girl name! Not a fan for a boy.
I saw your cloth diaper post and I saw the first comment on it. I rolled my eyes for you just so you know
.
We aren't going to use cloth diapers, H begged me not to even consider it. I decided to pick my battles and let him have this one. LOL
I can't tell you how many times I have typed out a status of facebook and then deleted it thinking of all the annoying things that people could say to me.
Ugh Destined, that sucks!! What are the odds? I totally agree with you guys, the likelihood that this baby even meets the cousin's son is not nearly enough to change your name. And P.S.-with this name, I like Harper better for a girl, anyways.
And sorry to hear about your fb "friend"-I LOVE the comments that I get from people who aren't parents the most
. Give me a break!! Unsolicited crap is NO fun to hear, ever.
I dirty deleted my own status because I didn't feel like arguing with them. Dumb b!tches...didn't their mother's teach them if they don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all!?
Don't let it phase you hun. That's such distant relation that it really doesn't matter. Even if they both have the same name, Harper sounds way better for a girl and like you said, they'll likely never meet.
As for the CD's, I've decided to only talk about it with other mom's I know who CD and/or close friends and family (who still give me a bit of grief). The world doesn't need to know what's on my kid's butt or other similar details, so I keep that stuff off facebook status'.
Hope your week improves
Harper is definitely more of a girl name than boy name, so you're baby is better off already! (no offense to anyone naming their boys Harper btw!)
dont change your girl's name. 1/4 of my cousins are named Sean and another 1/4 are Patricks...and no one seems to care. if they have a problem with it its their fault!
I love the name you have chosen fro your little girl. You are nicer than I am by even telling anyone her name. I think my parents and H's parents are the most opinionated out of our bunch.
About cloth diapers,I've been getting flack too, but you know what I don't give 2 craps b/c this is my child and I will raise/parent him/her how I please.
I'm sorry you are going through these shenanigans already. Relax and enjoy your pregnancy
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You girls don't even understand how much I appreciate your kinds words. You've all just made my day 10x better. Thank you so much for the reassurance.
Dear Destined,
I definitely agree with the pps about sticking to your guns with your name - Harper is a girl name I LOVE too, but being from Canada, it's also our prime minister's last name so I had to discard it as soon as I realized that.
I think it's totally a non-issue if distant cousins have the same name regardless of gender even. Even if they meet, it will be very rarely I'm sure, and they'll probably think it's kinda neat to hang out with "the other Harper" if/when it ever even happens.
I'm actually being even more secretive than you (similar to some pps) about our name ideas. We haven't found a final, for sure name yet, and I don't think we will make a final decision until we actually see him/her (team green), but I'm not telling anyone ANYTHING about name ideas we're thinking about. The last think I want is for someone to give an opinion on a name we really like and try to ruin the name for us.
As for CDing, my family and DH's family all CDed for generations so I know I will have nothing but support there. However, I had a friend say similar mean things (she's older than me and has 12 and 8 yo girls). I told her I was really excited about CDing and had been doing lots of research, and she said basically the same thing about water and how you're just hurting the environment somewhere else. She also said that I won't be able to do it and I'll have to buy disposables anyway, blah blah blah. It hurt my feelings a lot, plus the thing is, who cares if i have to buy like 2 packs of disposables for emergencies or travel. I'll still be saving about $1900 by my calculations, and it's still thousands of diapers less that would be going to the landfill.
Oh, and funny story: my husband's buddy at work said to him "don't even try CDing. We tried it, gave up after a week, and now we have $500 worth of brand new diapers that we'll never use!".
Guess who's buying those dipes for $150??? Us! They're the fitteds with covers, which isn't the kind I plan to use for the first 6 months or so (planning to use gdiapers with cloth inserts) but they will be AWESOME once the babe is bigger, and I'm so excited to have our stash started!
You'll rock those CDs and don't stress about what other people say. They only know what worked for them, and CD technology has changed a tonne since they had kids in dipes.
Sorry this is so long! woops
Kate
Ugh, that sucks! I agree, keep the name. There is no reason that you should change it. I can understand the frustration too, (we are actually also planning on Harper, if it's a girl
and I have never met another Harper) and I can't imagine how irked I'd be if I found out that someone else was going to name their baby that! I also agree that it doesn't sound nearly as great for a boy.
Holy steal on the dipes Kate! Nice! I busted out laughing at using the name Harper in Canada. Stephan Harper hadn't even come to my mind!
Yeah, the name thing isn't a big deal because like you said, you never see this cousin anyway! Your girl is Harper and that's just fine
As for the CDs - the comments will stop when you've been at it for a while. Just nod and smile and then make your own decisions when people criticize. We got flack in the beginning too, but now that we've been CDing DS for 2 years, people don't say a thing and are actually pretty impressed with how easy it is when they pay attention!
If you like the name, keep it. FWIW, I've only known one Harper and she was a beautiful girl.
As for cloth diapering, I've found that people need educating on it. It's completely different now than it used to be. The old cloth diapers were awful. I used them (when babysitting) and they were terrible. Most people that either don't have children or have older children have not experienced the new and improved cloth diapers and think they're just like they were 10 and even 20 years ago. So, you have to teach them that they're different now and don't suck any more.
LUCKY!!! I'm jellies.
And, OP, I wouldn't worry about the name coincidence or the disparaging CD remarks. Do your thing, mama, and don't let anybody stop you! You're going to be awesome!
// I love you too. //