Just need to vent: pretty long.

brockli · March 2011

So DH is not super close with his family but we have now been married for a year. I always try to include his family in things we do. Like tonight called to let his mom know we were going to be at church if she wanted to join us.

My SILs are notorious for going against what I choose and never include me in anything they do although they are constantly together. For example for our wedding his mom and one sister were out and offered to pick up ribbon for our wedding center pieces and asked if I wanted sheer or solid. I asked for solid. Got a text about 30 minutes later saying they had picked the sheer. Had a party for DHs birthday. They were nice enough to get the cake for me. Asked if I thought they should get Spongebob (DH watches it with DS quite a bit) or Vikings hes a fan. I told them should probably just go with a regular birthday cake since he hasn't been too into either lately. Show up at his party to a Vikings cake after they agreed to just a regular cake.

Oh and when we announce on fb that we are having a boy, only after sending texts to everyone in our family. Youngest sil comments on his status and calls him an @ss for not telling her. 10 minutes later updates her status to she had forgotten her phone at home today. I comment on both statuses apologizing if she didn't get the text and she comments back to other people but acts as if I have written nothing at all.

So back to tonight DH left a message for MIL to say we were going to church tonight and not tomorrow if she wanted to come. When we get home she has left a message saying she and SILs have been shopping out of town all day at the nearest outlet mall. I was not invited, the trip was never mentioned to me at all. And they have many different kid outlet stores.

So DH tells me they went and I get very upset and start crying because it just really hurts my feelings to not be asked to join in anything. They have never so much as invited me to lunch even. Well DH says he is pissed and is going to call and yell at his mom. So I ask him to please not yell at her but if he feels like he wants to talk to her to maybe just ask why I am never included. MIL apparently apologized repeatedly and said it wasn't intentional, she was just referring to today. No mention of never asking me to anything else.

Sorry for the long vent. Go get a cookie if you made it all the way through! Just a very tiring day for me. And feel bad DH was upset.

kjuryfl · March 2011

I'm sorry to hear that! It sounds like they have a 'tight unit' (MIL and SIL's) and are not welcoming of newcomers. Kill 'em with kindness.. works like a charm.

Jelliebean1982 · March 2011

I'm sorry. Why do they even ask for your opinion on things if they aren't going to pay attention to what you say anyways? That's frustrating. My DH has three sisters from their mother's first marriage. They are always getting together and doing stuff. I have to remember that even though we are related through marriage that their relationship with me isn't the same as their relationship with each other. It sucks sometimes to feel left out, though. It has gotten better with time, but I find that usually if I'm included in an activity that I'm the one who has brought it up. I try and think of the bright side though as my SILs are generally high maintenance and high drama. It does make me wish that my own sister lived closer.

Oh, and FIL was upset because he was the "last to know" that our baby was a boy. Which is ironic, because MIL was the first to know, even before my own mother! He was just in the other room at the time and MIL never bothered to tell him. Not my fault!!

brockli · March 2011

Jelliebean1982:
I'm sorry. Why do they even ask for your opinion on things if they aren't going to pay attention to what you say anyways? That's frustrating. My DH has three sisters from their mother's first marriage. They are always getting together and doing stuff. I have to remember that even though we are related through marriage that their relationship with me isn't the same as their relationship with each other. It sucks sometimes to feel left out, though. It has gotten better with time, but I find that usually if I'm included in an activity that I'm the one who has brought it up. I try and think of the bright side though as my SILs are generally high maintenance and high drama. It does make me wish that my own sister lived closer.
Oh, and FIL was upset because he was the "last to know" that our baby was a boy. Which is ironic, because MIL was the first to know, even before my own mother! He was just in the other room at the time and MIL never bothered to tell him. Not my fault!!

That's what I say to DH, its not like they're ignoring my opinions on important things. Had they never asked me I never would have thought twice. But why bother to ask and then do the opposite. I don't get it at all.

And that is crazy about your FIL. You can't help it if his own wife doesn't tell him something. Geesh! And I agree having my own sister closer would change everything. She is only an hour and a half away but she used to be in town and SILs are both in town. And my mom is in Texas and not involved in anything. So I'm basically lonely.

skirby · March 2011

I totally get your frustrations, some of my in-laws are just plain crazy....I'm lucky in a sense because DH decided he didn't need his mother's drama in our lives, and she's been out of the picture for almost two years now. Sounds sad, but life really has been so much better this way for us.

Your DH handled the situation well. I think it's best he started the dialogue with your in-laws. Hopefully the communication will just keep getting better. In the meantime, I would pour yourself into your friends. Ask them to go shopping and fill the void your feeling. Or, if they are far away maybe you can do a weekend trip to your sisters. I'm sorry you're feeling lonely.

Mrs.Jay-Mac · March 2011

It sounds like the girls in his family are really close. Try not to get upset, they may really just not think about you and are doing it unintentionally. Though I have to admit getting a different kind of ribbon for your center pieces is just plain rude. In our family, my sister and I are really close to our mom and we would never think to include my brother's fianc?e in anything that the three of us do because it changes the dynamic and she really would be the odd man out.

michellecoge · March 2011

I know your going through a rough time with his family. It totally sucks and you have every right to have hurt feelings. My SIL is not the nicest person in the world, and she lets me know exactly how she feels, though of course not in front of others. My husband still thinks highly of her, but I keep a little list of everything she has done (he knows and has read the list) so when something happens, like your ribbon and cake story, all I say is "I'm adding it to the list" and he knows in that moment how I feel about something she just did. Recently when were were talking about god parents and he mentioned her, I said never in a million years would I let a woman who ( and I started listing all the shitty things she's done or said in the past) be the godparent of my child. He just agreed, b/c you can't go against the list!

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