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Two Under 2
kelleighxnicole
member
Co-Sleeping at 17 months w/ a newborn DS on the way.
kelleighxnicole
member
in Two Under 2
I'm not sure that I am ready to 'break' my 17 month old DD of co-sleeping just yet, or if I can at this point. However, my anxiety of if it's going to be more or less manageable with a newborn DS coming Tuesday via C-Section -- has me really biting my nails on finding a 'solution.'
The problem isn't as much the co-sleeping as it is the fact it's difficult getting her to sleep without laying down with her. How it usually works is, one of us will hold her and rock her 'til she falls asleep, put her in her pack-n-play (where she sleeps because her crib was a dropside and we had to get rid of it) and at some point in the night she wakes up and comes to bed with us. It's been this way since she was 3 weeks old. It started because I had been EBF her and my nipples were torn apart and chafed, and I had to be careful feeding her to avoid hurting myself and not depriving her -- so the easiest way to do that was having her in bed with me and laying on my side. My DH is anxious to put her in her pack and play and let her 'cry it out,' but we did that last week and she made herself sick. As stressful as it is getting her asleep, it is more stressful to hear her crying and picturing her doing so in the next room over. I'd love to find a happy medium in this area. Like I said I do not mind her being in bed with me, but I'd love to find a way to get her comfortable going to sleep on her own and without 'assistance'. If she wakes up during the night to come to bed with us then so be it, but I'd like to break that at some point soon, just in case DS decides to be a co-sleeper, too! I kind of dread trying to get comfortable in a bed with DH, and two babies!
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Re: Co-Sleeping at 17 months w/ a newborn DS on the way.
Have you tried anything besides CIO? NCSS is a lot easier on babes and parents from my experience, it helped me night wean and get DD to STTN in her crib and she was only 11 months so I would assume it would work with a 17 month old with better understanding, however trying to change everything right now may have a negative impact on her as she may feel that she has been replaced by the new baby. I'm not sure what the best route would be, since I only have 1 so far
HTH
DS is still cosleeping and we're doing just fine with a new baby. For me, I was really glad we were still cosleeping especially in those first few weeks after a c-section. It would have sucked to pick DS and put him in/out of a crib. Getting him in bed is much easier, and now he climbs in bed himself. Luckily DD does not need to cosleep and she sleeps just fine in a bassinet next to our bed. What about bringing her crib in your bedroom so you can comfort her? We did this when we transitioned DS to his crib (he did sleep in his crib for a few months-we havent coslept his whole life).
Personally, we are planning to transition him to his own bed in the upcoming months. We started to, but then he started cutting molars and was miserable so we decided to wait. Honestly, at this point in time I would not change anything with a new baby coming any day now. Wait a few months until he has adjusted.
Eh, I'm new here so I do not know what the abbreviations mean!!
Her pack -n- play is in our bedroom, that's where we put her down to sleep ; however, somewhere in the middle of the night she gets up and needs to get in bed with us to go back to sleep & stay that way.
My hope is that the new addition won't need to co-sleep. We have a rocking infant seat for him to sleep in that we got from Target, so I hope that he is comfortable enough to sleep in that. Our 17 m/o sleeps through the night if she is in bed with us, otherwise she will get up to come to bed with us at some point before the middle of the night.
CIO is definitely not my cup of tea, and it just stresses me out even more.
Just curious if you are planning on getting her a crib? Why did you get rid of the drop-down side crib? We have been using one for years (and it is over 10 years old...gasp!) and it is FINE.
The pack n plays really are not that comfortable (especially for a 17 month old....), which is why she might be waking up. I would really try getting her a crib and let her learn how to fall asleep in it on her own.
I don't have too much advice because we don't co-sleep, but personally I cannot even begin to imagine co-sleeping AND dealing with the newborn. The thought of having both kids in my room/bed would drive me crazy.....no one will ever get any sleep! The baby will most likely wake up your DD and if not that, then you will end up with 2 babies in bed.
This will sound harsh: Your baby doesn't NEED to co-sleep. Neither your DD does, nor will your new DS. YOU are choosing to co-sleep.
I personally would avoid co-sleeping at all costs. Look at my second link about sleep help, in my siggy. From day 1, swaddle your DS, put him in his crib in his own room, and let him fall asleep on his own (no rocking to sleep). No CIO required at all.
For DD, we did do CIO at 6 months. It took 3 nights and then it was great. She sleeps 12-13 hrs straight in her own room, no rocking to sleep, and no more crying.
Oh, for the record, DD has a drop side crib and she uses it. No problems, since this particular one was never recalled.
I completely disagree with your point on cosleeping. Some babies do need to cosleep, especially in the early months. They have spent 9 months in your stomach hearing your heartbeat and feeling your warmth. Some are not ready to give that up.
Sure, many (probably most) will fall asleep if you swaddle them just right and put them in their crib. However, I read many sleep books before/during the early months with DS-we have healthy sleep habits happy child, the baby whsiperer, happiest baby on the block, you name it.I did to the T what you said on your links. My DS would not sleep without me. I tried everything-the 5s, swaddling (with a receiving blanket and swaddle mes), adjusting the temp, white noise and nothing would make him sleep without me. Don't get me wrong-he would fall asleep fairly easily but wake within 15 minutes crying. Unless I wanted to be up at 15 minute intervals, cosleeping was our only option. He wouldnt just fuss to try to put himself back to sleep-it was full blown, red faced crying. I suppose I could have let him CIO at 3 days old, but I think that would be pretty crappy parenting. Plus, he had (and still has) severe reflux and was in pain. Being with me was comforting. Cosleeping was the only way he got the appropriate amount of sleep he needed.
That's great those tips worked for YOUR kid, but everyone is different. There isnt a magic formula that will work with every child/every situation.
We'll have to agree to disagree, because I believe it is the magic formula.
It worked for my two kids as well as my niece. Yes, that's only 3 kids, but it worked for each. So far I'm at 3/3 = 100% success rate.
Well, since it didnt work for me, you're only 3/4. I'm not trying to say that your advice isn't sound-I'm sure it works for most babies. It worked for my DD. My point is it isnt going to work for 100% of people 100% of the time because every child is different. Nothing in this world will work for every kid in every situation and if it did, the maker of that book would be very, very wealthy. TRUST ME-I tried not only what you said, but many other techniques as well from just about every sleep training book on the market. There isnt a sleep training book I DIDNT try besides elimination CIO-I dont have the heart to let my child cry for long periods of time without comfort. I even tried Ferber (when DS was much older), and all he did was make him cry so hysterically that he was gasping for breath and vomiting.
Trust me when I say for some kids, cosleeping is the ONLY option. It might not be the majority, but there are kids that are like my DS and he certainly isnt the first case I read on these boards of parents who tried everything else but had no other option to cosleep.
You might also check the Attachment Parenting board, they might have some good advice there.
My 17-month-old still sleeps with us, as well. We're trying to move her to her own crib in our room as the next step, and we'll probably end up with her crib and a cosleeper bassinet in our room for a while.
Good luck, I hope it works out, I'll be in your shoes soon!
I phrased that wrong. My new baby won't "need" to co-sleep, in one sense, but in another if I encounter issues breastfeeding/recovering from my surgery, I will need to have him in bed to comfortably feed him and since he NEEDS to eat in that case he WOULD need to co-sleep to do so.
The drop-side we had was an older model, and I'm sorry, but if I see something get recalled I don't use it, because I could never let myself live it down if something DID happen and I didn't heed the warning of the recall. When I hear things about baby's neck's snapping or strangulation/suffocation whatever, I don't take a second thought to discontinuing or not using a product.
Her pack-n-play is comfortable, it has two layers of memory foam and very comfortable bedding. We don't have a crib because we were supposed to be getting one for our baby shower but half the people who planned to attend bailed on it, and we ended up with bare minimum baby things. That and, since DD has been co-sleeping since birth, where she sleeps for the few choice hours she will stay sleeping outside our bed hasn't been too big a concern to us. She's just more comfortable against me. Even in bed with us, she is right against me. I will be getting her a crib, and then DS can use the crib once he outgrows a pack-n-play and bedside co-sleeper rocking thing we have, then DD will most likely be ready for a toddler bed since she's good at getting in and out of our bed without any issue, and she no longer falls off of the bed. So I think she will be ready for a bed when he's ready to move to the crib.
The whole thing for me is that I want to do this as painlessly and affectionately as possible. I don't want to force DD into any new routines, and I don't want to make her feel pushed aside. My goal for DS is for him to NOT co-sleep, other than to come to bed to eat. I'm also hoping to get more use out of my breast pump so that if I encounter issues with sore nipples and so forth, I can have a ready bottle.
Formula is anything but magic, to me. I'm not ANTI-formula by any means or one of those nutso-nursers that needs to push her lactation envy on everyone else, I just do it because I feel it's what works best for me, and after a c-section - just having the baby on you, and whipping out a boob is easier than getting up and making a bottle. Gotta do what works, you know.
But thanks for all the advice.
Why dont you get the arms reach cosleeper? Then baby can be in bed with you for nursing, you'll get the benefits of cosleeping, and you dont have to worry about changing DS's routine so close to giving birth.
GL and hope everything works out for you.
I just wanted to clarify what I meant when I said "it is the magic formula". I didn't literally mean formula feeding is magic, what I meant was that the magic "thing" we do is keep an eye on awake times & let my kids fall asleep on their own.