Toddler Safety Harness Buddies (aka Toddler Leashes) Yay or Nay?

Married2MrWright · March 2011

I never thought I'd be a parent who'd consider such a thing but now that I have a fiercly independent little who walks and runs, I am seriously considering getting her one of those plush "backpacks" that buckle in the front and have a long tail for me to hold on to...essentially a harness and a leash for my kid!

She wants to walk by herself and not hold my hand...which is fine if we're at the park or in a safe area, but now, when we shop or run errands she doesn't want to be in the Ergo or cart and wants down. I've tried letting her walk and holding her hand but she wants nothing to do with that! She's also REALLY into holding her little shoulder bag that I got for her and is always trying to put my DH's backpack on herself. So I am thinking she might actually think wearing the backpack that's really a harness is fun. I dunno...whaddya girls think? If you're against the whole harness/leash thing how do you keep track of your independent and mobile little? And if you do use them...how do you deal with the looks of scorn and nasty comments from others?

https://www.helium.com/debates/253012-toddler-leashes-good-or-bad-idea

vanilla15 · March 2011

all for them! I used to think it was terrible to have your kid on a leash, but now that I have a baby of my own & see how mobile she is without being able to crawl or walk yet...all about them! I do think they need their independence, but I need to know that she is safe. Of course, you need to also need to teach LO not to run into the street or climb shelves in Target, but until they really understand the lesson, I think a "leash" is ok (IMO anyway) Stick out tongue

sanae78 · March 2011

Haha...did you see Lori's blog post? She borrowed one from her cousin I think (or it was sitting just sitting at their house) and used it on Brooke when they went to walk the dog. Brooke seemed to love it!

I personally don't see a problem with it. I think it's funny, actually. And those comments about not needing it if you're an attentive parent are ridiculous. Kaya is like Libby. She doesn't want to hold my hand half the time. They want to be independent and how can you shop at all if you're running after them. And for you, since you're so tall, I'm sure it's a strain to bend over to hold her hand anyways. Not too much of an issue for me since I'm only 5'1"-ish. :P

inamra · March 2011

Heh...I wonder if they make toddler "handcuffs", to get them used to holding your hand =P I dunno for sure cuz we're not there yet but some of those backpacks are pretty cute IMO--I don't think I'm really against or for it per-se, but more neutral and open to the idea if need-be when we get to that running toddler stage. If you do decide to go with it, let us know how it works out! To be honest, I've seen parents with it around and their kids always seemed perfectly content with it.

Married2MrWright · March 2011

sanae78:

And for you, since you're so tall, I'm sure it's a strain to bend over to hold her hand anyways. Not too much of an issue for me since I'm only 5'1"-ish. :P

Actually, since Libby's tall too I don't really have to bend as long as she'll have her hand up from her elbow (rather than straight down by her side). That said, she doesn't ever want to hold my hand. Even when nursing...she doesn't want her hand held or for me to even touch my boob. She'll move my hand away! When I carry her on my hip, she doesn't hold on either...she just really isn't into being held. She likes to sit on my lap, but not have me hold/hug her. Make sense?

Anyway, I am going to get one of those backpack/leash thingies and see how it goes. If someone gives me the side-eye....oh well! They're not living my life AND it sure beats having my LO run into harm's way.

lola808 · March 2011

Haha, I asked this a few months ago. It'd be funny to dig that up and see if any of our opinions have changed. I think I'm still open to using them... probably more so now that I see that my boy is full of energy and not always understanding how to stay safe. I think as long as you still try to teach your child some self-control and rule-following, it's an OK thing to use if it sometimes helps you keep your child safe and helps you to be productive.

MauiWedding08 · March 2011

lola808:
I think as long as you still try to teach your child some self-control and rule-following

this. I work on "stay close to me" at our house and then keep testing it in child safe areas (daycare, parks, stores that are not busy) because I really want him to learn to listen to me and start to correlate certain situations and be able to gauge proper actions.

if you think it will help you and your child go for it.

inamra · March 2011

lola808:
Haha, I asked this a few months ago. It'd be funny to dig that up and see if any of our opinions have changed.

lol, I remember we had this post earlier =P I don't even remember what I had thought back then!

redshoegirl · March 2011

As long as the parent isn't using it as an excuse to be lazy (i.e., just strapping the kid to a leash vs still working on teaching them to hold hands, not run off, etc.), I have zero problem with it - and since I know you're not a lazy parent, I think it's totally fine in your case. Smile

The only situations where I have a problem with it is when the parent just can't be bothered to keep trying to teach their child to stay close by without the leash - that, to me, is a big no-no.

myday1708 · March 2011

sanae78:
Haha...did you see Lori's blog post? She borrowed one from her cousin I think (or it was sitting just sitting at their house) and used it on Brooke when they went to walk the dog. Brooke seemed to love it!

I was going to say this too! The photos of Brook were adorable!

Pre-baby, I would have said NO WAY! Now, eh, I'm pretty close to getting one myself! Haha. I have not been able to bring myself to do it, but I TOTALLY get why you'd want one and absolutely would not fault anyone for using one! I think the back packs with the animal tail leishes are brilliant. I don't really like the harneses that look like leishes.

Married2MrWright · March 2011

Hrm...well..I am conflicted. Obviously, even here, there's a sentiment that somehow kiddie leashes = lazy parenting. Not sure how much I am willing to compromise Libby's physical safety on the off-chance that she decides her impulse to act is stronger than knowing that she's supposed to listen/mind mommy or daddy (or grandma, etc.). The leash would at least provide us with a tool to intervene if she doesn't listen to our instructions. Toddlers under 2.5 don't have much impulse control even if they do know the right thing to do. So, I don't know. We're constantly working with her to do what we ask of her and for the most part she's quite cooperative. When she's not, we go on to something else and come back to it in a few minutes. There are times, however, no matter what, she's just gonna do what she wants, even if it's opposite of what we want.

Right now, we just let there be natural consequences... we don't punish or reprimand. For example, we tell her not to throw her food on the floor. If she does, that's the end of the meal. Because we don't eat food off the floor. We don't get upset with her but we also don't give her more food. We just matter of factly end the meal. If she hits us or the pets (which she has been doing lately) we tell her gentle touches and show her how to touch softly. But if she continues to hit we remove her from the situation. If she hits me, I say "Ouch. Mommy doesn't like to be hit. and then I'll put her down or walk out of the room." But we don't scold her. And we reserve "no" for only truly dangerous situations (like touching hot things or electrical cords, etc.) otherwise we find other language to indicate she should be doing something else. She really likes my magazines, but tears them up, so when she heads towards them I'll say, "Those are not for you, but we can go look at your books" and then take her to her board books that she cannot tear. We're just at the beginning of a lifetime of teaching her discipline...and there are times where I question myself, but I know I want to do it differently than how I was raised (with lots of scolding/shaming, time-outs/ostracizing and a few times, physical punishments too).

Anyway, I bought this Eddie Bauer Buddy Harness today while I was Target. Libby was with me and she chose the brown puppy over the tan bear or monkey. When we got home she wanted to try it on. We put in on and she liked it. We walked around the house and she held onto the tail (aka "leash") right below my hand. But she wouldn't hold my hand.

When we were in Target, earlier, she wanted out of the cart so I let her walk with me. But after about 5 minutes, she didn't really want to walk anymore. She wanted to play on the floor, pull things off the shelves, etc. I tried to put her back in the cart but she threw a fit. So I ended up carrying her. I had left the Ergo in the car and wished I had brought it with me. So...we shall see...obviously a "leash" isn't going to keep her from wanting to play while we're shopping.

redshoegirl · March 2011

Married2MrWright:
Hrm...well..I am conflicted. Obviously, even here, there's a sentiment that somehow kiddie leashes = lazy parenting. Not sure how much I am willing to compromise Libby's physical safety on the off-chance that she decides her impulse to act is stronger than knowing that she's supposed to listen/mind mommy or daddy (or grandma, etc.). The leash would at least provide us with a tool to intervene if she doesn't listen to our instructions.

Yup, that's exactly why I don't object to them. I think of the leash as a backup - obviously you're going to keep working on hand holding and sticking close to you and J, but if she decides she wants to take off then at least you have some recourse (which is a good thing, especially if you're next to a road or in a busy shopping mall, etc.).

HulaLove · March 2011

I've always been pretty neutral about the leash back packs.

Last weekend we were at a Trailer/ATV show. There were SO many people there. Elyse wanted to walk but in no way shape or form wanted me touching her. I think that it's fairly normal to be so independant at this age. So she just toodled along on her own. I was constantly having to lean over to heard her in a different direction or make sure she wasn't picking anything up. I was seriously wishing for a back pack leash then!!

Lori, let us know how the back pack works out!!

mrspresley · March 2011

Married2MrWright:
She wants to walk by herself and not hold my hand...which is fine if we're at the park or in a safe area, but now, when we shop or run errands she doesn't want to be in the Ergo or cart and wants down.

haha, I had read on another mama's FB page a comment where someone said "don't ever let your kid out of the cart to run around the store... b/c once they know they can, they won't ever want to be in the cart again!" I guess I never really thought about it, but we've always had Miss A in the cart when we go shopping. so even though she loves running around and sometimes does not want to be carried, she doesn't know any different when we are out and about shopping.

myday1708:
Pre-baby, I would have said NO WAY! Now, eh, I'm pretty close to getting one myself! Haha.

me, too! I used to look at people with leashes on their kids and think it was ridiculous, like "why can't they keep an eye on their kids w/o a leash?!" but now I can totally see the allure of it LOL

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