In-Laws seem uninterested.

DHYGchica3 · March 2011

So, I'm just curious if anyone else is in a similar situation as I am.

Our baby is the first grandchild on both sides of the family. My parents and sister for one are ecstatic, they always ask me about how me and Lucas are doing, always saying how excited they are for him, and always doing things or buying things for when he gets here. My dad always talks about how he can't wait to teach him how to play hockey and go on camping trips with him once he's older. My sister is excited to have a captive photo op participant for when ever she babysits. My mom is just excited to have a grandson to spoil.

My IL's not so much... when I talked to my MIL the other day, all she asked was if I invited her sister that no one likes to the baby shower. No, "how you feeling?" or "how's the baby?"... nothing. The fact that she even mentioned the shower was shocking to me, since it's the only baby related thing she has ever talked about since me getting pregnant, other than that she never mentions it ever. My BIL and his wife are the same... never ask about their nephew and seem generally uninterested and unexcited.

Maybe I'm nuts and expecting too much? Or maybe my family is just crazy? Haha. I'm glad that they are at least really excited for Lucas.

ring_pop · March 2011

It's not unreasonable to expect that close family members would be interested, but you can't force them to be. I'd say to focus on the positive - the fact that your family is so excited.

Maybe your ILs are excited but just reserved in the way they communicate.

duhdaisy86 · March 2011

My ILs never asked about DS either...so i would just say little things to them. Like wow he is moving a ton lately or tell them how big he is, SO they feel like I am including them.

I am doing that this time too...My ILs had two boys so having two DILs is really different for them. Hell having a Granddaughter will be weird at first, but they are already buying her clothes.

Don't think too much into it....some people just know how to ask questions.

GL hun

LnR70707 · March 2011

Some people don't get excited until the baby is actually here (and sometimes not at all). At least the grandparents aren't in major competition with each other and creating endless drama.

DHYGchica3 · March 2011

L&R70707:
Some people don't get excited until the baby is actually here (and sometimes not at all). At least the grandparents aren't in major competition with each other and creating endless drama.

Very true.

soontobemrsdavis · March 2011

ring_pop:
It's not unreasonable to expect that close family members would be interested, but you can't force them to be. I'd say to focus on the positive - the fact that your family is so excited.
Maybe your ILs are excited but just reserved in the way they communicate.

This exactly!

damabo80 · March 2011

ring_pop:

It's not unreasonable to expect that close family members would be interested, but you can't force them to be. I'd say to focus on the positive - the fact that your family is so excited.

Maybe your ILs are excited but just reserved in the way they communicate.

This.

I would say that my family is a lot more "squeee!" about it than my ILs are. Meh, whatevs. I'm sure they'll love her once she gets here.

pinkforme · March 2011

ring_pop:
It's not unreasonable to expect that close family members would be interested, but you can't force them to be. I'd say to focus on the positive - the fact that your family is so excited.
Maybe your ILs are excited but just reserved in the way they communicate.

I agree. Also, what was your relationship with them like before you were pregnant? Are they typically very reserved non affectionate people? It seems like you have a very supportive and loving family on your side which is awesome.

MrsCase1 · March 2011

i wouldnt say my family is uninterested, per se, but i would say neither side is excited the way i have heard of some families being excited. another poster pretty much told me that it is MY baby and so therefore I am excited but not to expect that sort of enthusiasm from others. even if it stings, it's true.

i can relate. i especially thought my own mom would be much more excited. so far mt dad and my fil are the top two people thrilled for a grandbaby. my mil has not even called me once since i announced my pregnancy in december. at first i was hust but then i just accepted that we have a "different" relationship and that she is trying her best. i saw her last week and she took me maternity clothes shopping so i took that as a loving gesture of trying to show her excitement. i definitely dont suggest analyzing everyone's words and actions but maybe theyre trying in their own way to be excited? i TOTALLY empathize with the let-down of not feeling "special" during the most special time, literally, ever, in your life. big hugs to you!

DHYGchica3 · March 2011

Mrs Case:
i wouldnt say my family is uninterested, per se, but i would say neither side is excited the way i have heard of some families being excited. another poster pretty much told me that it is MY baby and so therefore I am excited but not to expect that sort of enthusiasm from others. even if it stings, it's true. i can relate. i especially thought my own mom would be much more excited. so far mt dad and my fil are the top two people thrilled for a grandbaby. my mil has not even called me once since i announced my pregnancy in december. at first i was hust but then i just accepted that we have a "different" relationship and that she is trying her best. i saw her last week and she took me maternity clothes shopping so i took that as a loving gesture of trying to show her excitement. i definitely dont suggest analyzing everyone's words and actions but maybe theyre trying in their own way to be excited? i TOTALLY empathize with the let-down of not feeling "special" during the most special time, literally, ever, in your life. big hugs to you!

Ouch. That wasn't very nice of them! I know it's my baby, but it's a new member of their family too, and their first grandchild. I guess because my parents have been so excited I expected the same from them.

I bet anyone $100 if I were getting a new puppy my MIL would be over the moon and buying it toys and asking about it all the time. She loves animals more than people and makes a point of telling everyone. It just irks me sometimes.

Pooka8 · March 2011

I feel like I'm in a similar situation. However, all of my contact with both sets of parents is long distance.

This is also the first grand child for both families. My mom is thrilled (She has a 37 year old son... I'm pretty much the youngest of 4 and I'm giving her her first grandbaby). Every member of my immediate family asks about the pg and is excited.

His parents seem pretty neutral on the topic. DH is their oldest son. When He told his dad about the pregnancy his response was "Thanks for making me feel old" (Jokingly of course). I haven't really let it bother me much because his parents just aren't very "excitable" people. His dad has some pretty dry humor, so to him, that joke was probably hilarious. So far the only way that I've discussed the pregnancy with his mom, was when I asked her about her 3 pregnancies (to find out how big her babies were). Also, she sent me a book with our package from christmas. It was a copy of "Motherhood The Second Oldest Profession" by Erma Bombeck. Her MIL gave it to her when she was pregnant with DH. She wrote a heart felt note in the book, so I know that even if she doesn't ask questions and doesn't seem that interested lately, she cares in her own way.

lansingteacherbride · March 2011

As a PP mentioned try and focus on your families happiness. There may be some other explanation for their silence on the topic.

My friend mentioned this same thing to me the other day. When she was pregnant with her first she thought her mother in law was totally uninterested in her first grandchild. It was only when she spoke to a good friend of the mother in laws that she found out how much she talked about the baby and how excited she was to be a grandma.The MIL was just a more reserved person with her daughter in law.

cajunrunner · March 2011

I'm in the opposite situation. This isn't the first for either side but my ILs are ECSTATIC! They buy her little things every now and then, always ask how I'm feeling and if she moves a lot. My parents on the other hand never say a word. My family is a lot more reserved than IL's but they never even ask questions and when I mention something about LO they act like they don't care. I have to say my sisters are excited about it though, it's just my parents that act like they don't care.

queeniecrayon · March 2011

i feel ya on this one! the difference, our li'l girl is my il's 13th grandkid! but it is seriously annoying. the few times my mil does call it's to update us about my paranoid sil (for goodness sake, this her fifth pregnancy and she acts likes it's her first!). i just wish she'd call, just once, and ask how we are before going into a rant about sil. maybe it'll get better once she delivers, but i'm not holding my breath. and i'm not super close with my il's anyways. i'm just happy i have one excited sil and my family

HJOHNSTON411 · March 2011

I can understand how you feel, and it would bother me too.

Unfortunately, I think it's just something you have to let not bother you though. Easier said that done (sorry!). All families are different, and it's hard to say whether they really are uninterested, or if that's just how his parents are.

My ILs are the type that don't make a big fuss about weddings, showers, etc. while my family does. Sometimes it can seem a little like they're disinterested, but I think they just grew up that way. And financials can have a lot to do with. However, they're the ones who would LOVE to take the baby for a weekend. My MIL would gladly move in for a few wks to cook and clean after the baby is born. My Mom would come over for the afternoon and give me $50 to order takeout ha.

I guess the best you can do is recognize what each family 'does' the best and try to focus on it!

MFAinNYC · March 2011

I married the Golden Child, so I am pretty sure his offspring is going to be held up for the entire "pride" like Simba and then worshipped as the Second Coming.

There are a few less interested people but I try not to let it bother me. My eldest brother seems to not be as excited as the one who is only 17 months older than me. When I got a great u/s pic of LO's profile, my one brother DEMANDED it be sent to his phone, and I sent it to my other brother with no response. It's a little weird, lol.

At least your in-laws aren't like the one someone posted about last night. Someone works with a woman who wanted to video tape and Facebook update her DIL giving birth. There needs to be a happy medium, right? LOL

Five_letter · March 2011

The mothers of my brother's children probably felt the exact same way about my parents (heck, sometimes I feel that way too). People react differently to pregnancy and some don't really feel a connection until after the baby is born.

The milestones aren't happening to them, and you're not their daughter, so it's hard to feel that bond. My inlaws only bring up the baby if I'm in front of them and others are discussing it. But once the baby is here, I know things will be completely different.

Hang in there...

lisamoe · March 2011

Unfortunately, I can relate. We are not close to my IL's at all. Long story. We called them the 2 days after we found out we were pregnant...his Mom's response? Congratulations!! What else is new? Ugghhh!! Then we didnt here from them again until I was 20 weeks pregnant. (Except for a birthday card they mailed me at end of January saying "hope you are enjoying your pregnancy"

Its very sad not having a close relationship, or really any relationship at all. I don't like knowing my child will be born into his family that seems so uninterested. Thank God we have my family, who all are super excited. So, I feel your pain. You are definately not alone on this one. Hope things get better for you :-)

outlandartist · March 2011

DHYGchica3:
I bet anyone $100 if I were getting a new puppy my MIL would be over the moon and buying it toys and asking about it all the time. She loves animals more than people and makes a point of telling everyone. It just irks me sometimes.

This reminds me of my DH's insensitive Aunt. My MIL showed this Aunt (her SIL) a photo of her baby grandson and Aunt's response was something to the effect of, "we prefer dogs," or, "we're more dog people." Didn't say he was cute or anything. Rude!

katie4253 · March 2011

Hs parents are not. They are very reserved by nature. And, they grew up in Portugal during a time that lots of babies died before birth or shortly after birth. They are getting more and more interested as my pregnancy progresses. I know once the baby is born they'll be super excited. They are coming to stay for all of September so I can go back to work and not have to use daycare right away.

JessandIgli · March 2011

MFAinNYC:
I married the Golden Child, so I am pretty sure his offspring is going to be held up for the entire "pride" like Simba and then worshipped as the Second Coming.
There are a few less interested people but I try not to let it bother me. My eldest brother seems to not be as excited as the one who is only 17 months older than me. When I got a great u/s pic of LO's profile, my one brother DEMANDED it be sent to his phone, and I sent it to my other brother with no response. It's a little weird, lol.
At least your in-laws aren't like the one someone posted about last night. Someone works with a woman who wanted to video tape and Facebook update her DIL giving birth. There needs to be a happy medium, right? LOL

Hahahaha..I almost spit out my water just now!

ITA. Everyone will be interested but in their own way..try not to let it bug you. I'm sure they'll be excited once LO gets here.

christa62908 · March 2011

I completely understand! I just had this discussion with DH just a little bit ago. MIL has NEVER even asked me about this pregnancy! She is very overwhelmed with SIL and her cancer that she never calls, emails, texts - nothing!!! We call her once a month or so but she has a policy of not calling her kids and DH has to call her-no exceptions! I update her once in awhile but that's it. It's hard to put the energy and excitement out there and not get it back. My family isn't much more interested either. Everyone has their own kids and lives so this LO is only getting attention from us! Oh well, I am used to it after DD-have no expectations-you won't get hurt!

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