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November 2011 Moms
JacquelineTyler
member
Baby Shower Question.. do I or don't I
JacquelineTyler
member
To have this question make sense, I should first explain my brother has a different mother then me. So when I parents divorced I moved in with my dad and his g/f. So I was raised with my brothers cousins, so they are some what like my cousins as well.
So heres my question, his one cousin got married back in July I attended two wedding showers for her (yes I was invited to both and bought gifts for both) a Buck and Doe and the wedding. Which adds up to a lot of money when you do the math.
MH and I were married in September she declined to the bridal shower for me that she was invited to, didn't come to our Buck and Doe and did RSVP yes to our wedding but her and her husband never showed up. I ultimatey paid for two meals that were never eatten. (still annoyed by this)
She is expecting her first child and I have been invited to two baby showers already for her, I know she won't come to my baby shower. She never goes to anything. So my question is, is it in poor taste to RSVP no to the showers?
Do I still send a gift or just say no all together?
I don't care about gifts or money spent, but why should I make the effort to attend events for someone who doesn't make the effort for me.
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Re: Baby Shower Question.. do I or don't I
This.
Wow, this is a tough one.
You don't have to go to the baby shower, so it's proper to respond no so she can properly plan. Even though she doesn't seem to have the decency to be honest when RSVPing, that doesn't mean you have to be the same way she is. It's the harder road, but the right road. I had a handful of people who RSVP'd yes to my wedding, but didn't show. I don't care to be upset with them - it's their loss! So I wouldn't even continue to be upset with them for saying yes and not showing up. Yeah, it's rude, but you probably had a fabulous wedding and it sucks for them that they weren't there.
As for whether you should give her a gift, that's wholly up to you. I would probably get her something small, but practical, but then again, I could also see myself not giving her anything if she were my cousin and behaved this way. Either way, after this, I wouldn't buy anymore gifts for her.
It's sad that she won't make the effort to be a little more involved, but at the same time, she may also be completely ditsy and does not get it. Who knows why she's the way she is.
Good luck with this. Family can be tough to deal with!
Army Girl, been in since Feb 2003 married to an Army Man, in since 1990.
I actually feel like I don't even want to make the effort to go to a store and purchase a gift.
I'm just tired of constantly going out of my way for people who don't do the same for me. You know.
Maybe I'll wait and go see the baby once he/she are born and bring something small.
All it is honestly is an excuse to get drunk, the bridal party sells tickets, you host it at a hall. There are games, you sell drink tickets and all the proceeds go to the bride and goom to put towards their wedding. There alot of fun, they are really popular where I'm from.
People call them Jack and Jills, Buck and Does. Stag and Does
I don't base my own conduct or manners on the conduct or manners of other people - meaning, just because someone else acts badly doesn't mean you have to. So above all else, be gracious, it's a reflection of you, not her.
That being said, I'm not much for silly obligations. My rule is, if I like you, I'll send a gift. If I don't, forget it. So - do you like this couple? Are you happy about their having a kid and want to see the kid? If so, send a gift. If you really don't care about them then just RSVP no and forget it.
DMoney will be a kickass big sister
Even though I may be in the minority, I wouldn't go or send a gift.
At my wedding, I had no shows and last minute cancels that told me via.....yup, I'm gonna say it.....Facebook. Some of these were people I had spent hundreds on at their weddings, showers, etc. So, while it maybe is really catty, I promised myself that I wouldn't do anything for those people who couldn't at least be respectful on one of the most important days of my life. So, if I were in your shoes I'd politely RSVP no to both showers.
But that's just me...clearly I'm a grudge holder.
I agree with above...
I would send a card, probably wouldn't RSVP, and would not go.
I'm awful. I know it's not about money spent, or gifts, or any of that..
But all the money that you spent on her for 3 separate party things for the same occasion... Then you paid for their meals but they didn't show up even after an RSVP..
I wouldn't send them anything, OR show up lol. Buy yourself a gift with the money you save.
I told you I'm awful.
I think i posted on the 1st Tri already but i'll say it again.
I wouldn't go and I would RSVP no and I wouldn't get them a gift either.
By your description of this cousin she sounds pretty self-centered to me. If it were my cousin I would politely RSVP no and not send a gift. It doesn't sound like you two are close or else she would of offered you some reason or apology for her behavior.
DH actually does have a cousin who is similar to this - she RSVP'd to our wedding for 4 (herself, BF and 2 kids) and none of them showed up. She never offered any reason why - never even said congrats or acknowledged that we got married. She also is the sort that will participate in the family's secret santa and then not come with gifts for her person (she'll "owe" them).