- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Parenting after 35
NewMrs07
member
Early (or late) FFFC
NewMrs07
member
There are more times when I am pissed at DH than happy for him to be home. Sometimes I'd rather he stay at work than be home and do things that infuriate me. He says I'm too rigid (sooo not true) and have to do things on schedule. Excuse me, but if Adrian naps, eats or goes to bed at random times, all hell breaks loose. Proof of that is this week. With the time change, his naps and bedtime have been all over the place and it's a problem. I prefer it if LO is in bed by 8:30 instead of 10 so that I can have some peace at the end of the day (with or w/o DH).
DH is like a big kid. Sure, he loves A and bathes him most days, but that's about it. 90% of the baby/household duties are done by me. He has never even done a load of laundry. Sure, he sometimes cooks (and it's good, much better than my cooking) and he does work long hours, but he does minimal chores at home.
I wake up every single day at 7 to go get A. I can count the days he's woken up instead on the palm of my hand.
OK, so he did bring me flowers on Saturday but that's b/c he knew he was in the doghouse. I was so pissed at his lack of help that I lashed out at him at a party. Totally wrong on my part, but my patience was wearing really thin.
Sex? What is that? Never. We never have sex. Forget about TTC #2, what a joke. I don't know if he doesn't want sex b/c he's afraid I'll get pregnant (right, first of all, I doubt I'll get pg with one try once a month and second, I wouldn't trick him like that). It's like he doesn't trust me. I don't know, but the word "divorce" crosses my mind many times lately. I was reading that the toddler years are the hardest on a marriage, and it's true!
There are other issues, like the fact that he keeps talking about moving to Turkey (where he's from) and I have no desire to do so. That's a big issue. I'm not saying I would never move there, but now is not the time. I want my son to grow up here, in the States. What the heck is he going to do with Turkish? I'd much rather he learn English and Spanish and get educated here. Then we can go wherever. DH of course wants DS to grow up in Turkey.
Why I didn't think about all those things before, I don't know. He's not happy at his job here so he's got a classic case of the "grass is greener". But I know the grass is not greener over there.
Anyway, I could keep going, but bottom line, my marriage is kind of sucky right now. I love DH but I'm tired of all the uncertainty and the lack of intimacy. This blows,
Me: 44 DH: 42.
DS born healthy at 40 weeks 8/24/09.
TTC since then with no luck or ART.
Surprise BFP 8/6/14... MMC @ 8 weeks 4 days... Miss you everyday sweet baby angel.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Early (or late) FFFC
No, not a cultural thing, a LAZY thing. He's not macho or anything like that, he did a whole lot more before we got married. He seems to be getting lazier with each year we're marriage, like he takes things for granted. I'm sure I take things for granted too. I know his work is tiring but for me, working PT, running the house and taking care of an extremely energetic toddler all day is very tiring too. I guess he thinks that since I don't work FT, I got it easy. Let me tell you, taking care of A is much more tiring than being in an office all day.
Sorry that life is kinda sucky right now. Having a toddler is tough on a marriage, it's really true. DH understands that sexy time is diminshed right now due to lack of motivation on my part to do much of anything extra. But really try to keep to a schedule. If your DH wants to not adhere to a schedule, then let him take care of DS. Several times I've gone to bed and let him take care of DS, and that little boy is on his schedule the following night.
What worked for DH & I is assignment of household duties. My DH does all of the laundry, and he does a better job than I do. But I let him do it his way. Also, I encourage him to cook one night a week. That means clean-up, too. It's a lot of compromising on both parts. Sounds easy, but it's really hard.
As for being educated in Turkey, your son would have the option of going to an English speaking school there. Good luck, on whatever you decide.
I am so sorry, it sounds like things totally suck right now. I hope he comes through a little more, and soon.
Oh, and we somehow managed to conceive this new baby trying only ONCE that month. Totally freaky and lucky, but there it is.
My Blog
Sorry for what you are going through. Having a baby is hard on the relationship. From my own experience, the relationship either deteriorates or gets stronger (I have experienced both outcomes with two different H's).
My H only cleans the litter boxes and takes out the garbage (on weekends), but we do have a lot of help. Not sure what would have happened if we didn't. As for moving to Turkey, being three times an immigrant myself, I don't think it's such a good idea. If he likes it there so much, why did he come to this country in the first place?
Thanks for the support ladies
I'm feeling a little better about the whole thing, at least the housework part. DH has no days off for the next 7 days so it's best if I forget about him doing anything right now. We'll have to put sex on the back burner too. If he has no energy, forget it. I guess we'll just have to wait for calmer times to think about TTC again. If I'm too old by then, then so be it. It's like fighting against the current, sometimes you just have to forget about your plan and let it go.
Re: the moving thing, I don't think it's going to happen soon, but I told DH that if it makes him happy, he can apply to high positions with huge salaries wherever he wants. The only way I'm moving is if he gets a much better and lucrative position than what he has now. I don't want to quit my job now, so it has to be worth it.
If I could have just one more year of peace and a semi-stable life, I would be happy. I'm tired of moving, switching jobs, etc.