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redshoegirl
member
s/o independent play time - how much?
redshoegirl
member
I noticed in the weekly check-in that I'm not the only one who gets mommy guilt over independent play time. (BTW Leah, this is probably my favorite line ever: "When we're playing, but all I'm doing is sitting with him while he plays with his toys (happily, I might add), but I'm not, you know, teaching him how to do calculus at the moment = lazy mommy!" SO true.)
So I'm curious...if you break it down, how much independent play time does your LO actually do?
Will and Dash's day lasts from 7am-7pm. In that period there are about 4 hours of naptime, and let's say 2 hours that are taken up with food (meals, snacks, sippy cups, etc.), leaving ~6 hours of total play time. Of that, they usually play independently for maybe 2 hours a day? Not in a single stretch, but probably 4x 30 minute blocks? Some days it's less, some days it's more, but that's probably the average.
I know that independent play time is a good thing - learning doesn't always have to be structured, and it's good for imagination development - but I worry that perhaps I let them do too much of it since I don't know what's considered appropriate at their age and google isn't much help. They're completely happy to play alone or with each other while I just sit
back and watch - hell, they would probably be happy with even more independent play, but I'd feel too guilty lol!
*sigh* Why don't babies come with a manual? 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: s/o independent play time - how much?
Libby has a similar schedule as your dudes but with less nap time (she's never napped more than 2 hours a day since she was about 6 months old)...
I am not sure what you mean about independent play. You mean letting them do their thing, explore, etc. while you're in the room doing something else? I'd say with Libby we do that about half the day! That said, she's rarely in a different room from us. Although, sometimes she is. Like she'll be playing in the living room while I get dinner ready. Or she'll play in her room while I run her bath. She's never unattended for longer than 5-7 minutes and our place is SO small that she can be seen and heard easily (1300 sq. ft. and all one level, no stairs, etc.)...the living room and her room are completely baby proofed as is the hallway that connects them. We close off the other rooms of the house to her (our room, my mom's room, the bathroom, and kitchen).
When we're together we're not always playing directly with her. For example, she'll be on the floor in the living room playing with her toys and I'll be folding laundry. Or we'll be in her room and she'll be reading her books and every few minutes bring me one and I'll read it to her. Then she'll get down and go play with some toys (usually related to the story we've just read...i.e. she'll get her cars out if the book we just read was about cars or go find her polar bear if we've read a book about arctic animals). When she does this, I don't get down and "play with her" I just observe and let her do her thing.Othertimes we're directly engaging with her...with blocks, play scarves, singing songs, playing with her dolls and stuffed animals, etc. But again, I'm going to say it's probably 50-50 with independent vs. playing together. Never long stretches of either one...maybe 15 minutes on and 15 minutes off...
HTH!
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Yup that's what I mean - you're not necessarily absent, but you're also not actively interacting with them. It sounds like you and I do similar things, which makes me feel better!
My guys spend most of their day in their play area but even then they're seldom unattended. I let them out to explore the dining area a few times a day - the living room still hasn't been properly baby-proofed (power cables galore!) so they don't tend to come in here unless Ben and I are both home so we can each grab a kid if necessary. They pretty much never play in their room (I don't think they even have toys in there aside from their teddy bears) and it's really only used for sleeping - is that weird?
I'd say that our schedule breakdown sounds similar to yours, Lisa. On the weekends, anyway. He probably gets ~6 hours of total playtime a day, some of which are at Kindermusik on Saturdays, or direct play together. But he probably get ~2 hours of playing while I'm sitting nearby folding laundry, or making dinner, etc.
During the week, though, honestly he probably only gets about 10 minutes of independent play at home, usually while I'm sticking dinner in the oven or diapers in the laundry (not counting the 15 minutes in the morning while I shower and get dressed). Lately we've been eating after he goes to bed, so all I need to do is pop it in or something. Occasionally we eat right before he goes to bed (depends on MH's schedule), then he he gets more as he plays in his jumperoo or highchair while we eat. Typically I try to play directly with him the whole time we're home together (when not feeding him dinner or bathing him), since we only get 2-2.5 total hours together before he goes to bed. I want to maximize that time. Besides, he gets plenty of independent play at school.
On the days when I work, I do the same thing - either Ben or I play directly with them the entire time. We don't get to see them much on those days (only about 2.5 hours total, and most of that is consumed by feeding and getting ready in the morning/bedtime) so we try to maximize the bit of time we have with them.
I let him explore a lot on his own. He doesn't sit in one place for long, though, so I feel like I'm always following him or redirecting him (away from danger or whatnot) even when he's playing independently.
After breakfast, I'll let him loose in the living room while I get my day started. He'll usually play for an hour to an hour and a half, most of which is independent time. I talk to him a lot and will jump in and interact every so often, but mostly I just keep my eye on him. Then he naps and we usually go somewhere. We play together while we're out -- at the library, park, store, Gymboree, etc -- and some when we're home later in the day, but there's a fair amount of independent time throughout the day. I think that's good for both of us!
I'd say we're 60-40, 60% we're playing with her. She always wants to be "up" or by us. She's a social butterfly. It's been a little different now that DS is here because she has to be a little more independent with play time especially if I'm nursing and DH is gone or cooking or something. We let her help mix or let her stand on a chair (yeah totally unsafe I know but we're RIGHT there) and watch us cut veggies or whatever and we talk about what each veggie is and what color. I read to her while I'm BFing if she brings me a book or I sing to her. Today I sang the ABC's about 50 times because she kept saying more
She's generally always in the same room as us though. We do have a small basket in her room with toys and her cozy coupe is in her room. She gets in it and drives it down the hall or brings toys out of her room to us. Her books are also in her room in a basket so she gets out the ones she wants.
I recently read an article that said modern mom's spend like 40% more quality time with their kids than their mother did and yet we still feel guilty that we're not spending enough time with them. Back in the day, before modern conveniences, moms typically had more children at home and more chores to do. So I doubt there was much interactive play going on...not like today, for sure. I wonder if they felt guilty about that? Probably not since they were doing their "woman's work" of keeping the household going and in some places, working their land, etc.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/03/19/AR2007031901972.html
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/7560004/Parents-spend-more-time-with-children-than-generation-ago.html
I don't think that's weird. Libby's bedroom IS her playroom too since we don't have a big house and only have one common living space. She does have some toys and books in the living room but the majority of her playthings are in her room. There's about a 20 foot hallway between both areas and we can literally see her in her room from the living room as long as her bedroom door is open (which it is unless she's in there sleeping). Someday, I hope to have a larger home that has at least two living areas (some homes here have three!) so we can have an "adult space" and a "family space" and if there's a 3rd area (typically what they call a "game room" which is in the attic space or basement) then a fully dedicated kid space (other than their rooms).
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