DS ladies....a long term question

vanessagorc · March 2011

OK, please don't think i'm NUTS....

We met w our lawyer the other nite, doing our wills etc. DH started his own firm last yr, w 3 partners...so we have a lot of legal issues of late, to iron out.

We have provisions in place for when we have kids...and what DH's legal obligation is if we were to divorce. (It's not bc i think that way...bc our lawyer wants us to have it in place while things are good. Not to deal with it, if we hate each other down the line). It's really to protect DH's business and to protect kids. Again, i don't foresee this as our future, but i want us to be smart.

I was wondering, do there need to be special provisions for DS? Bc tech DH would not be bio related to the child. I tech could do dIUI on my own...

I'm asking bc we know DS is something we may have to consider. Also...we didn't want to open up to our lawyer about this right now.

Just wondering if you ladies have any insight.

PS- I know DH's name would go on the birth certificate. I mean more like long term legal issues.

Edwina.McDunnough · March 2011

It's not a nutso question. I can't answer for DS, but we did look into this for DE, and in NY state the birth mother is the ONLY mother.

Aren't lawyers sworn to client confidentiality? Otherwise, crmi may have this information for you.

GL!

Did you go out with your clients for dinner or lay low? I hope your stomach is feeling better today.

theworms · March 2011

honestly, we've never discussed it.

DH is the father regardless of biology and his name will be on birth certificate.

IMO if you agree together to move onto DS then he is the parent, bottom line and responsible for the children.

Let me know if you get any more info about this.

I hope you are feeling better cutie

vanessagorc · March 2011

Edwina.McDunnough:

It's not a nutso question. I can't answer for DS, but we did look into this for DE, and in NY state the birth mother is the ONLY mother.

Aren't lawyers sworn to client confidentiality? Otherwise, crmi may have this information for you.

GL!

Did you go out with your clients for dinner or lay low? I hope your stomach is feeling better today.

Yes the lawyer can't say anything....DH just doesn't want to share it w her right now, bc he really sees it as "not happening" at this point. I'm looking for a little info, in case our next IVF's are not BFP's.

I laid low. Thank the lord LOL!!!!

Faith722 · March 2011

I don't have any experience with DS, even though I feel like it's on the back burner. I think if he'd raise a DS child as his own, then legally he should have the same responsibilities as if it weren't a DS child.

I don't know if this is true, but I think it'd be like if he'd adopted a child. Your responsibilites to an adopted child wouldn't end with a divorce, right?

vanessagorc · March 2011

theworms:

honestly, we've never discussed it.

DH is the father regardless of biology and his name will be on birth certificate.

IMO if you agree together to move onto DS then he is the parent, bottom line and responsible for the children.

Let me know if you get any more info about this.

I hope you are feeling better cutie

I totally agree, we are just very "legally minded" bc of DH owning a business. And our lawyer is SUPER "you must consider everything". She is very upset EVERY couple in the world doesn't have a pre-nup.

U know, typical NYC lawyer LOL.

vanessagorc · March 2011

Faith722:

I don't have any experience with DS, even though I feel like it's on the back burner. I think if he'd raise a DS child as his own, then legally he should have the same responsibilities as if it weren't a DS child.

I don't know if this is true, but I think it'd be like if he'd adopted a child. Your responsibilites to an adopted child wouldn't end with a divorce, right?

I agree. I just wonder about DS, if there are laws in place. My DH is a great guy...i'm just curious how the law protects these children.

Edwina.McDunnough · March 2011

You clients still

you.

vanessagorc · March 2011

Edwina.McDunnough:
You clients still you.

Well they were text bombing me..my boss covered for me, and they think she is a bit too "ra ra" LOL.

But she gave them mucho vino...so they were happy!

theworms · March 2011

vanessagorc:
Edwina.McDunnough:
You clients still you.

Well they were text bombing me..my boss covered for me, and they think she is a bit too "ra ra" LOL.

But she gave them mucho vino...so they were happy!

who doesn't love mucho wine

unless it's mucho wine drunk in your company cutie

vanessagorc · March 2011

theworms:
vanessagorc:

Edwina.McDunnough:
You clients still you.

Well they were text bombing me..my boss covered for me, and they think she is a bit too "ra ra" LOL.

But she gave them mucho vino...so they were happy!

who doesn't love mucho wine

unless it's mucho wine drunk in your company cutie

luckily i was safely in my bed!!!

kthappy76 · March 2011

I'm not sure if there are customary legal docs for this, and it may vary by state, but there is nothing saying you can't have your lawyer draft a doc to define this specifically in your case. My understanding is that he would have the same legal responsibilities for any children (bio, donor, adopted, etc.) that come from the marriage. I think that you also probably sign something when you get the DS that precludes the D from any responsibility, so by default he's the legal daddy...

mariposa_atl · March 2011

Legally, the man on the birth certificate is the father. It doesn't matter if you used DS or he adopted the child in the eyes of the law. They are just going by the birth certificate. If you have a child while you are married, your husband is legally presumed the father. In some states, the father could rebut this presumption with other evidence, in others, there is no rebuttal if no other father is coming forward.

So you don't have to worry about the DNA, if you are married and your husband is on the birth certificate, he has all the legal rights and obligations of a biological father. Good luck on your cycle!

Delta04 · March 2011

YGPM!

meg_koole · March 2011

It may vary from state to state, but our doctor said regardless of the DS, DH is still the father, legally. So, say someone used DS and then got divorced and the man was arguing that he was not the bio father, it wouldn't work, he would still have to pay support.

At my clinic, you sign a consent when you do donor sperm and I think it has some of that information in it as well....

vanessagorc · March 2011

Delta04:
YGPM!

Thanks! YGPM back!

Yellow_Daisy · March 2011

The laws on how DS affects DH's differ from state to state. In CA any child born in into a marriage is considered legally to be the child of the spouse regardless of biology. So if wife cheats and gets KU doesn't matter, if you use DS it doesn't matter, etc. HTH

HitchedinIN · March 2011

This is late since I don't check this board often. We're in Europe and our clinic required us to meet with a Notar (not quite a lawyer, but does legal documents) who made up a document for us stating that DH is the legal father and that in the event of a divorce DH cannot contest paternity. They did point out that we'll have to follow the laws of our own country. But perhaps you could have something like this drafted up, if you end up going the DS route in the future. This would state that he has knowledge that you are using DS and he will accept responsibility for the resulting child(ren).

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