Do you ever feel like you're setting yourself up to be majorly disappointed?

love2b_mrst · March 2011

I know we're all crushed when our treatments don't work, but I am starting to get worried that I am setting myself up to be devastated if this round doesn't work. I think it's a combination of waiting so long for it to happen, and because so many people I know are pregnant (including my best friend with #2). I lurk waaaaay too much on PAIF and Multiples (wishful thinking) and keep relating everything that is coming up in my life to how pregnant I will be, when my baby will be born, etc.

I am so torn between being hopeful and positive that it's going to work (which is how my H is and he really pushes me to stay positive) or being guarded and realistic that there is a huge chance it won't work.

Ugh. I just want it all to be here and to know already. The waiting and worrying is the hardest part. Like the Tom Petty song lol!

07may07 · March 2011

I feel like this so often! Sometimes I am really pessimistic about cycles b/c it's my way of coping and not getting my hopes up, only to be disappointed. This cycle, I have really worked to remain positive. While it has made some of my days a little less anxiety ridden, I am worried that I am setting myself up for a big letdown.

I don't know where the balance is between not being too pessimistic, not being too optimistic, and being realistic.

Edwina.McDunnough · March 2011

We have long term plans (2 or so more OE cycles, then DE) that help keep things in perspective.

DeputiesWife · March 2011

Yes. Absolutely.

I try to always remain positive and hopeful and be thankful for the wonderful life I do have.

My doctor was so positive this time around - I was so hopeful - everyone here was rooting for me - and then BAM. Negative. I was disappointed. Big time. But I am really ok, I try to look beyond this and focus on what is coming up next.

madelyn07 · March 2011

I absolutely do.

That's why I've accepted that we will be living child-free and probably why I have no desire to every cycle again. It won't work.

But I also guess I've accepted the defeat...accepted the disappointment.

vanessagorc · March 2011

I do too, and i know what u mean about waiting so long for the cycle (im like u that way too UGH).

I'm also like E, and have a long term plan. I'd be willing to do 6 ivf's w DH's sperm (or as many as the RE/uro suggest). Then we would have to seriously look at DS.

Part of what keeps me going, is knowing we prob wont end up childless. It may just be a VERY LONG journey.

love2b_mrst · March 2011

07may07:

I don't know where the balance is between not being too pessimistic, not being too optimistic, and being realistic.

This exactly...how do you find the right balance??? I don't know if it's even possible.

love2b_mrst · March 2011

vanessagorc:

Part of what keeps me going, is knowing we prob wont end up childless. It may just be a VERY LONG journey.

This is what we say all the time. H always reminds me we will be parents, we just don't know how yet. I am just not a patient waiter!!!

love2b_mrst · March 2011

madelyn07:

But I also guess I've accepted the defeat...accepted the disappointment.

Hugs. I can't imagine how hard this must be, especially since you seem like someone who goes after what she wants and is very successful.

mikeandangie · March 2011

I have a lot of difficulty staying optimistic. I think my defense mechanism is to expect the worse, but I wonder if that really makes a difference, because I am still heartbroken when things don't work out. Everyone tells me to be optimistic and that makes me feel guilty, because I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. We do have long term plans, but part of me of course thinks "what if those don't work either"

abbe19 · March 2011

I struggle with this too. Lately when anyone asks me what I think about my current cycle, I end up saying 'I am hoping for the best but expecting the worst'. I just cannot imagine myself pregnant but I also cannot imagine us giving up either. So I don't know what the heck to do. My husband is unfailingly positive and pushes me to be as well. I actually had a friend (fertile myrtle, of course) suggest my negative attitude was keeping me from getting pregnant. As if.

Faith722 · March 2011

I'm with you. I had such high hopes for our first cycle. And any time I questioned whether it would work, MH would say of course it will work. Now I feel jaded. The waiting doesn't help at all. It's just more time on your hands to doubt things.

Jlynn3 · March 2011

Yep... right there with you.

Facing the reality that this FET is likely our last shot, I'm scared to death of it not working... but then I get all hopeful with well then it just has to work.

IF sucks.

matt'sbride · March 2011

I know EXACTLY what you mean and how you're feeling! That's how I'm feeling about our upcoming cycle too. Mh is always so optimistic about our cycles and is great at trying to keep me positive, but I just don't have a good feeling about this.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. We're here for you no matter what the outcome of your cycle. ((HUGS))

Sunshine05 · March 2011

Every month I'd get AF and start plugging in dates. If this one worked, I'd be due on this date... hit this major milestone at this date, could announce here... blah blah blah. It got so bad that I was so hopeful with my Dec/Jan cycle that I was lurking not just on PAIF but on what would be my BMB. Ridiculous. That cycle failed and I was crushed b/c I was so sure it was going to work.

The next one I knew I had to distance myself. I didn't do everything right the way I had the month before, completely avoiding caffeine/alcohol/carbs, etc. I just lived my life and tried my best not to think about things. I think it all comes down to having to remain hopeful but not overly-confident and cocky to the point that you're just going to be crushed if it doesn't work. It's just so hard to find that middle ground. *hugs*

Ginger71 · March 2011

Totally. It's one of the reasons I haven't been more proactive about DE. I'm so scared to spend so much money and what if it doesn't work? I'm afraid my heart will be broken beyond repair.

(((hugs)))

meg_koole · March 2011

Ummmmmmmm, yes. Big time....

I think it was Edwina that told me no matter what, you are going to be crushed, whether you were hopeful or not. I am trying to follow her advice, but easier said then done;.

You are definitely not alone!

helloshannon · March 2011

I feel the EXACT same way.

illinigal · March 2011

Unfortunately, I think we can all relate. The waiting is definitely the hardest part, but I choose to believe that it will all be worth it.... someday.

hopefulmommy · March 2011

I can relate! I struggle sometimes with being optimistic and safe gaurding myself by expecting the worst.

While I can't help it but to sometimes worry and upset myself at the fleeting thought that I may not ever be a mom, I really don't believe that to be true.

For the most part, I choose to let myself dream, plan and invision myself pregnant, and see myself as a mom. Im not sure if it'll make a difference on the outcome (im also not convinced that it wont) but it feels better to have faith.

I read a quote the other day by Paola Coelho. This post reminded me of it:

"A fall from the third floor hurts just as much as a fall from the hundreth. If I have to fall, let it be from a high place"

Tanya+Da · March 2011

I could have written this word for word!!!

But then I think to myself, I am going to be devastated no matter if I am hopeful or not. I might as well be as optimistic and happy for now.

Good luck to you!!

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