SAHM to Working Mom - Need some encouragement...

KNemo · March 2011

So I am going the opposite way of many of the moms on this board. The last 2+ years have been a blessing, but we need to have more financial stability and security than my current Vendor position is offering us.

So I am filling out applications and starting the exhaustive job search in a field that is unstable at best. I will be lucky to even get a teaching job at this point, but I need to try for the good of my family.

For those of you that went from SAH to Working, how did you get through it. Just typing this and finally admitting that I have to do this is making me cry my eyes out (could also be the impending AF). I know this is what's best for my family, but I am dying a little inside.

It's time to admit defeat and jump on the job search band wagon. Thanks for any advice or encouragement you can offer. I am a wreck right now!

IdahoGirl · March 2011

I knew in my head I was going to have to go back after my maternity leave (so SAHM for a few months at least), but I kept praying that somehow something major would change and I could stay home.

Like, we win the lottery or I get laid off or something....

And I cried my eyes out too, sweet girl

So here's the positive....

Madelyn, after two weeks, LOVES her provider. In the morning when I'm picking her up out of bed, she'll snuggle into my neck and say "Mama, Stashia?" and then smile and close her eyes and go back to sleep.

She loves to play with the other little kids every day. I think she gets bored here at the house if we're not CONSTANTLY on the go.

I get a few hours of not having anyone under the age of 21 cry and I have to solve the problem.

And here's another positive....I think my kids would be lucky to have you as a teacher

ckmommy · March 2011

I don't have any advice unfortunately because I am in the same situation. It hurts my heart that I am doing this and while we can get by, I made the decision to pursue more work options because in the long run, it would be what is best. Hugs, I totally know how you feel.

DAWNNA76 · March 2011

I may be in a bit of a different postition. yes I need to go back so we have the finicial stabilty we need. Brians new job does not pay as well as his old career but it still pays better than average. We "could" get by if we sold more stuff, like get rid of our 2nd car, but I would rather not do that. The other reason I may be different is that after being home for 2.5 years. I KNOW that I am ready to go back to work fulltime. I need the fulfillment that working and earning a paycheck brings. I have treasured my time at home but have learned that stay at home iss not the only title I want to have.

babyaustin725 · March 2011

ckmommy:
I don't have any advice unfortunately because I am in the same situation. It hurts my heart that I am doing this and while we can get by, I made the decision to pursue more work options because in the long run, it would be what is best. Hugs, I totally know how you feel.

Me too. Tillman is in school now, but it's still going to be hard. Hugs to both of you.

I had an interview today and I'm really excited about it, but so sad to be working again.

Mrs.Kiltlifter · March 2011

I knew from the very beginning that I had to work. Clearly with two the financial aspect was a no brainer and the type of job that I have can be fairly flexible in days and hours. I cried the first day leaving my sweet babies with their "auntie" but I knew they were in awesome hands. Once you accept that this is just how it has to be, there is no windfall or lottery winnings to stop it, you just move forward. I know I miss things every day but I agree with IG, I think my kids would be bored at home with me!

dawnies79 · March 2011

You're an amazing Mommy and you are doing whats best for your family. It will be hard but you can do it! {{HUGS}}

KNemo · March 2011

Mrs.Kiltlifter:
I cried the first day leaving my sweet babies with their "auntie" but I knew they were in awesome hands.

I wish that I had the twins "auntie" as an option for daycare. That would make this decision a whole lot easier. But alas, the dirty is too far of a drive for me!

itskacie · March 2011

You can do it K! I know it will suck at first and you love your time with M. I never intended/wanted to stay home (you know that though) but I LOVE what daycare does for Camb. She learns SO much and plays SO hard all day, she hardly knows I am gone! And when I pick her up she is always happy and tired! She gets to do so much more every single day than I could do with her on my own. Also, at least in your field you have fairly steady hours, no travel, and summers off (mostly anyway right?) so you will still get a lot of quality time with your men PLUS having a self fufilling career too! Those kids will be lucky to have you each day and M will be lucky to have a mommy who cares enough to do what ever she needs to do to make sure his family is comfortable and totally provided for! Good Luck Mamma, you can do it and you WILL rock it!

MelodyFerg · March 2011

I am no help with advice (since I am the lady that couldn't wait to get back to work...Ha!), but I am sending you HUGS!!!!

Jas*sGirl · March 2011

Major hugs mama!! Those first few days BLOW A$$, but then after that it gets a lot easier....plus the kiddos usually are excited to go and play so that helps! One thing I love is when you come to pick them up after work and they are soooo happy to see you. I makes my heart go pitter pitter. It will be a good thing for all 3 of you guys! You can do it!!

Oh and you could move to the MV and M could catch a ride on the "aunties" bus!? TOOT TOOT!

StellaZ · March 2011

I only SAH for 6 months. It's funny cause I was ready to go back then, and I feel the pull to be home more NOW because he is so much damn FUN....but, I also know those 3 early months with the grandparents were invaluable -and now he loves "school". What he gets there is more than I can offer. He is learning teamwork and sharing and social skills - eats amazingly healthy and has an extremely reliable schedule - all things that would be daunting to offer him consistently at home. Plus I really like my job, and a happy Mommy = a happy family. I am saving up for a lot of 1/2 days when the weather perks up. Here's hoping you find something with a little flexibility.

Zista · March 2011

I always thought I'd be a SAHM, but am loving being back at work. It's great to use my brain in the adult world for a bit, and I think he enjoys the break and variety he gets away from me too. It helps that I'm part time, but I'm beginning to think about upping my hours.

KNemo · March 2011

StellaZ:
Here's hoping you find something with a little flexibility.

I'm a teacher, so if I can find a good fit, and they are willing to hire a teacher with a Masters, over a teacher w/o (I cost more), then we are good to go. I will still get 3+ months with him and have short days. It's just a matter of finding a school that is a good fit for both of us!

Daycare scares the crap out of me. I don't even know how to go about finding a reliable place. Center vs. in-home. Proximity to us. Where I will be vs. closer to DH's work, etc. It is just such an all-around sucktastic experience for me right now. But I am jumping in because I have to! There's no other way.

And then I am taking all my freelance money and buying myself a new wardrobe and a trip to Belize! Dammit!!!

Seattle_JiLLn · March 2011

Hugs to you!! I know it will be hard, but at his age he will probably love preschool or day care. You'll get loads of cuddles when you get home every day. Is there any possibilty of finding a job share and only working part time?

pixelvixen · March 2011

Awwhhh mama, I'm so sorry. It is hard at first, but it does get easier. Especially when you know that Max is having fun and learning new things and in good hands with his provider. I hope you find peace with going back to work. I'm here if you need to talk (or drink)! xoxo

KNemo · March 2011

pixelvixen:

I'm here if you need to talk (or drink)! xoxo

I WILL take you up on both these offers.

IdahoGirl · March 2011

Being that I worked in Bellevue and live in Auburn and now work in Seattle and live in Auburn, here's my take on where to get daycare.

Get it close to your house. That way either of you can pick him up. If you're sick and *really* need a few hours of sleep, you can drop him off. It's just more central.

As far as in home vs. center - I've found in homes to be more what we're looking at - a more touchy feelly kind of feel to them. We went with in home. This does mean that their day isn't as much like a "school", but honestly - she's 2. I don't want that *just* yet. I was lucky to find a day care that will take her to preschool when the time comes.

I really, really recommend childcare.org. It's free if you call as opposed to use the online service. They sent me 36(!!!) day cares within a 3 mile radius of my home and I picked out the ones that sounded the best and visited them - and found the one that fit best.

keri1013 · March 2011

Hugs K! I would SAH in a heartbeat if we could afford it, but we can't. I agree with everyone else, when you first go back it is really hard, but it does get easier. I remind myself that I am doing what's best for our family, and that I had working parents and I think I turned out pretty well, and have a great relationship with my parents today. I also give myself permission to feel a little jealous of the fun things and gtg's I see SAHM mom friends doing. I do that as much as possible on my one day off, and I treasure those days. When I miss out on something because of work, I recognize that it sucks a bit, and then move on, and maybe schedule a moms' dinner out or something like that. You're a great mama and Max is lucky to have you, whether you're working or not.

Bri&Shane_3/8/08 · March 2011

I am no help because I couldn't handle it, but I wanted to respond and let you know that I am sending BIG zombie hugs Left Hug

your way. I cried almost every.single.day when I dropped off Jackson at his auntie/nana's house. He was fine though, and with family - so I knew he would be okay, but I will say that he did NOT get the stimulation/social aspect that he would have gotten in a daycare setting (and still doesn't - he watches TV the ENTIRE day he is there).

When I do go back to work full-time (and I will because we can only live like this for probably the next year), I will definitely be looking into a daycare setting for both of my kids (rather than family). Jackson especially NEEDS that stimulation.

And the best part? Like Tami said, when he sees you when you pick him up and RUNS into your arms....it's priceless!

StellaZ · March 2011

IdahoGirl:
Get it close to your house. As far as in home vs. center - I've found in homes to be more what we're looking at - a more touchy feelly kind of feel to them. We went with in home.

See? It's funny, because I specifically chose near work and a center. Near work so he would be nearby if I needed to get him quickly due to illness (which happened a few times), closer to his pediatrician and god forbid in the event of a natural disaster or a simple power outage. I don't love that he's in the car that much (one of the reasons for moving) but we have fun, sing songs etc. But that's me. So in the end, really it ALL depends on your schedule, geography..and ultimately your comfort level on school you like the best! Tour your heart out. And question any school that won't let you tour if you just stop by. That is a red flag to me.

IdahoGirl · March 2011

StellaZ:

IdahoGirl:
Get it close to your house. As far as in home vs. center - I've found in homes to be more what we're looking at - a more touchy feelly kind of feel to them. We went with in home.

See? It's funny, because I specifically chose near work and a center. Near work so he would be nearby if I needed to get him quickly due to illness (which happened a few times), closer to his pediatrician and god forbid in the event of a natural disaster or a simple power outage. I don't love that he's in the car that much (one of the reasons for moving) but we have fun, sing songs etc. But that's me. So in the end, really it ALL depends on your schedule, geography..and ultimately your comfort level on school you like the best! Tour your heart out. And question any school that won't let you tour if you just stop by. That is a red flag to me.

Agreed!

If you both work in the same area - this works...but since my H doesn't work anywhere close to me and he does pick up while I do drop off, this wouldn't work. Being that H is home sleeping during the day, he's close by for natural disaster and sickness issues.

KNemo · March 2011

Thanks so much for all your encouragement and e-hugs, ladies.

After talking it over with DH and family, this is really the best decision. I am feeling a lot better about. And the amount of money that will be coming in will finally afford us some freedom. I will be able to pay off all the debt we accrued during DH's unemployment, we will be able to rebuild our nest egg, and we will be able to finally live like normal people do. Gone are the days of being jealous of my more financially stable friends.

And I have a pretty cool job lead, thanks to an awesome Bumpie. Things are looking up! You girls are the BEST!!! I don't know what I would do without your support and encouragement!

Octoberlove · March 2011

The best thing anyone said to me when I had to go back to work was this: It's not the quantity but the quality of time you spend with your child. And it's true. I make every hour count and I treasure our time so much now : ) DD is my reward for a hard day's work and I'm setting her a great example of a smart, strong woman who does what is needed to take care of her loved ones.

Eventually you will get to the good side of this. In the meantime, cry as much as you need to and know there are tons of moms here who are sending you hugs!

mishquiche · March 2011

Oh Katie, I'm so sorry. That would be very difficult for me as well. Max is such a happy, social child that I know he will thrive in a daycare setting. Big hugs, and I hope your job search is very quick!

JDCSKF · March 2011

After being a SAHM for 3 1/2 years I decided I was ready to go back to work part time. I found a job, but I had to work full time for 4 months before I could drop to part time. As a family we had a big adjustment, but DD handled it well overall and DH definitely stepped up to the plate and started doing 50% or more of the housework. He also had to take DD to daycare everyday (which meant getting DD dressed, breakfast, and pack a lunch) since I was leaving for work before daycare even opened. The hardest part for us right now is dinner when we both get home at 5pm and DD goes to bed at 7:30pm. We usually end up with takeout because neither of us are good at 30 meals. I've also had to let some housework go, since being home to do them is rare. We also make family date nights once in a while since my schedule keeps me away from home in the evenings sometimes. Good Luck finding a job and a daycare you love.

ChubbyCheekiesMom · March 2011

I don't have any advice, but wanted to tell you that you are an amazing mom! And if ever you need to talk, cry, or get drunk just give me call. ((hugs)).

KNemo · March 2011

ChubbyCheekiesMom:
I don't have any advice, but wanted to tell you that you are an amazing mom! And if ever you need to talk, cry, or get drunk just give me call. ((hugs)).

I PPH you. You can make me one (or 5) of your mean Appletinis! I will let you! Big Smile

skenyon · March 2011

I have no real advice. Just hugs, know that no matter what you do as long as your doing it for the good of your family it's the right thing.

JRS72206 · March 2011

Hang in there momma!! I heart ya!! Left Hug

doublem · March 2011

Octoberlove:
The best thing anyone said to me when I had to go back to work was this: It's not the quantity but the quality of time you spend with your child. And it's true. I make every hour count and I treasure our time so much now : ) DD is my reward for a hard day's work and I'm setting her a great example of a smart, strong woman who does what is needed to take care of her loved ones.

This is exactly what I wanted to share! I knew I had to work, and I love, LOVE my job and co-workers, and am excited for my work community to be a part of E's life, too. I think I am a much better mommy for knowing that I am providing for her and giving her lots of love and fun when I am home - and not feeling burnt out.

mrssmith717 · March 2011

I can't say much that hasn't already been said, but think about these things:

1. When you go to work, while there are definitely difficult days teaching, you'll be going to a job that you love! You make a difference! You influence the lives and thinking of those awesome kiddos! It would be much harder for me to go back to work if I wasn't a teacher.

2. The summers are so much sweeter. We appreciate those long breaks with our kiddos and make sure to get out and spend quality time together.

3. The childcare search can be overwhelming, but you can do it.

Other than that, it's all been said! Let me know if you want some mama-teacher advice.

newmommy74 · March 2011

HUGS Katie!!! I definitely know how you feel as I have now been back at work for 6 weeks and to tell you the truth it was really hard at first. I think it took me until week 3 to realize that I actually do love being back at my job and Coop ABSOLUTELY loves going to daycare for 2 days a week.

There was a couple of mornings that I know I just had a meltdown crying as I drove to work and wondering if I had made the right decision in returning to my job. I think it was just a settling process I had to go through. Now DH spends alot more one on one time with Coop as well as helping out more around the house. Also, I find that I am spending by far more quality time with Coop now than I ever had before. And as PP, when I get that smile and a "Hello Mommy" when I walk in the door I know it's the best reward at the end of the workday!

Hang in there - hopefully with your new business up and running you will get a tonne of clients and be able to just go back to teaching part time. Best of luck!!

IkesHawaiian06 · March 2011

You are a wonderful mom, K! I don't have any advice, but I wanted to send a hug your way! And you are so lucky to have such a wonderful group of moms who have been in your shoes and offered up such great advice! I hope everything goes smoothly and you're able to find a job right away that is perfect for you and your family!

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