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Tell me what to do...CIO vs. preemie guilt

LuckyMom0203LuckyMom0203
in Preemies

Okay, so Annabelle is 13 months (10 months adjusted) and has regressed to newborn status in the sleep department.  She's up sometimes every hour.  We go in and comfort her, give her a bottle, pacifier; we rock her, etc.-- whatever it takes to get her to go back to sleep.  It's always easy to get her back down but then she's up again in an hour or two. We've tried everything to fix this.  Nothing is working.  So....

We've come to the cry it out option (which is what everyone--friends, family, pediatrician-- recommends).  And I don't want to play the preemie card but this is how I feel:  after spending 78 days in the NICU, I don't want my daughter to ever feel like she's alone or in pain again.  Ever.  I realize this is not possible for her whole life but it is something we can control now.  I watched that little child go through more in her first three months of life than I've ever been through in my 30 years.  I don't want to say this to anyone else b/c I don't want to be that Mom who inserts the fact that her child was premature into every conversation.  But there is so much guilt and trauma that I just cannot get over and I feel like it's spilling over into this decision.

On the flip side, my husband and I are beyond exhausted.  In fact, I don't even know if I'm really writing this post right now or if it's a hallucination.  This is insane and perhaps does call for drastic measures.  I just don't know. 

I don't know if I'm looking for reassurance here to do CIO or alternate options or just a sympathetic ear.  I just feel like there's no one else I can say this to and would like to hear what you Mamas (and Daddies) think.  

As usual, TIA!

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Re: Tell me what to do...CIO vs. preemie guilt

  • msalinardi@live.commsalinardi@live.com
    Is she teething? When DD started teething that was how she acted. Some tylenol before bed really helped. My DD was also very premature and while she didn't cut her first tooth until she was 15 months, she officially started teething around 13 months. I'd give the tylenol a try before I went to CIO. Also, we don't believe in CIO. If she is inconsolable we just bring her to bed with us and we are usually able to comfort her before she gets hysterical. Good luck!
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  • ShannonSkyShannonSky member
    Unfortunately sometimes they just go through sleep issues. DD will have 2 weeks or so of terrible sleep about once every other month. It SUCKS, but I've tried every idea under the sun and nothing works. In those times, I just do whatever I can to get her through and get her to sleep, and I nap whenever I can. The last time I tried CIO, DD threw up on herself - never again. I will, however, let her cry so long as it doesn't really turn into crazy screaming. I use my judgment. GL!
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  • kaylaaimeekaylaaimee

    Do whatever feels right to you. I decided I didn't want to CIO with Scarlette before she was born. I have no issues with other people going that route, but it isn't for me. Th Dr. Sears Preemie Book stresses not using CIO for preemies though, so it reinforced what I wanted to do. Since then, I'm SHOCKED at the amount of pressure to CIO- even from our NICU nurses right now! It is tough to stay committed to it but no one says you have to CIO if you don't want to. I don't think the way you feel is wrong at all.

    The lack of sleep is really tough though. I don't even have the baby home, I just am up all night pumping so I can only imagine it must be so much worse for you. I'm so sorry :( Is she eating at all during the times she wakes? Can you let her sleep with you? I'm not planning on co-sleeping so I don't know much about it other than I remember the dr. sears book recommending it when babies have sleep issues- that sleeping next to the mom regulates their sleep patterns. May be worth a shot?

     

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  • luvdv8luvdv8 member

    If you're not comfortable with CIO then it isn't going to work anyways- so do what you're comfortable with. Regression in sleeping can be linked to growth spurts, teething, illness, etc. While it feels eternal when you;re sleep deprived it might just be a quick phase LO is going through.

    With DD, when she goes through these phases, we sit in the rocking chair next to her crib (now on her bed) and pat her- let her know you're there without picking her up or giving her another feed. DD sometimes just needs to hear our voices to calm down enough to make her go back to sleep. Is your LO crying frantically, or is it more of a sleeping cry? DD has different cries- one that is her crying but not being quite awake.

    GL- sleepless nights are so much harder when you're used to having a good sleeper, but at least that means that you probably have a temporary problem on your hands. Hopefully it's just teeth or something.

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  • Million$$BabyMillion$$Baby
    I don't know how to help you make a decision, but I just wanted to say that I did CIO with my kids. I swore I wouldn't, but there came a point where I was literally up 10 times a night and just couldn't take it anymore. I wasn't able to be the mom I wanted to be during the day because I was up all night long. I reached a breaking point at one night, when I was sitting on my bed at 4:00am trying to rock Lily back to sleep and sobbing "I can't take it anymore!" I need to do CIO for my own mental health. But I was lucky in the fact that my kids took to it very easily, and life just became so much better for all of us. You need to do what you're comfortable with though. Different things work for different people.
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  • Wally3Wally3 member

    I really liked the sleep lady shuffle - you stay with LO as they try to fall asleep and slowly move out of the room over a serise of night.  It takes a few nights - the whole thing says 2 weeks but ds was fine by about a week. Her book is goodnight sleep tight which a really like but she has a blog and website.  If you don't like that you can try ferber - checking a certian intervals rather than straight CIO.  I also would send DH in for middle of night wakings DS would go back to sleep quicker for him. 

    Do what you feel comfortable doing and what works.  I would suggest keeping a sleep log of when LO wakes and how long it takes to go back to sleep so you can see if you are making progress.  In the middle of the night - when you are sleep deprived it is hard to keep track.  DH 1 morning said "it was great DS slept through the night"  I was like you were in his room for 20 minutes putting him back to sleep.


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  • LuckyMom0203LuckyMom0203

    Thank you so for all your support and suggestions.  We're not doing CIO; we're going in to comfort her but not take her out of her crib.  We've been doing this for a couple nights so we'll see if it helps.  I just couldn't go cold turkey on her-- no picking up, no bottle, no rocking and no mommy in the room-- all in one night.  She (and I) need to build up to that, I think. 

    Thanks again for the help!

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