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Single Parents
Hola. Need advice, TIA.
New to this board, not the bump.
Lots has changed since last year when I was a regular on the boards.
First, my son is doing so well. He's such a great kid and I'm really lucky. He's been the light of my life and what has gotten me through this crap and kept me strong.
Ok second- divorce will be final in fourteen days (the 29th). Third- four orders of protection keep me safe from my exhusb. Fourth- we can be civil at times regarding our son (one of the OOP is modified to set out terms for visitation and drop off/pick up and communication via text only and only about our son).
So... my question is this- for those of you who have successfully escaped violent relationships- how do you deal with the lingering verbal/text etc harassment and BS? What I mean by this is- random texts at all hours of the night, ranting, flipping out, sending me pic messages of our son with nasty texts.
Anything too intense- and I would def. file another violation of the order of protection- but for the most part its annoying and harassing- I can deal with it from a distance- but what are some of your ideas- family court is a major time suck and if i went for every thing he said to me outside of the provisions of the OOP, (barring threats of violence- which I would obviously go back for)- how do you deal with it- I can't keep being at court and also keep working. I can't block his texts because I get updates via text while he has visitation of our son per the court order. I would love to run to my lawyer to tell him every little thing, but lawyers are expensive and being that my divorce is done in fourteen days, I don't want this to drag out and I dont want to keep racking up more atty fees for this douchecanoe.
TIA for your thoughts. Sorry to just bombard you guys with the rando questions.
If you need a good idea as to what I am dealing with think: charlie sheen, but totally broke. awesome.
Feel free to ask any questions at all.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Hola. Need advice, TIA.
I really don't have much advice but I recognize you from the other boards and I'm sorry you're here. But it sounds like you're in a better situation now and it can only get better from now on.
Is there a way you can block his texts when he doesn't have your LO and unlock him when he does? I know Verizon has this option but not sure about other carriers.
Also, document all of these texts/calls/pics. If things do get worse you may need them.
Thanks! Everything is a zillion times better now thank god. It was really horrible at first, but I built a really great support system and my family is amazing and so supportive so I am really fortunate to have all these angels in my life.
I was just actually checking out the block features on my vzw acct. I am going to call them tomorrow to see if that's an option - i.e. to block and unblock periodically.
And yeah I absolutely keep everything he sends me. It's sad- I automatically email it to myself and print copies for court- just in case. So sad to live this way but worth it for the sake of my son.
Ugh he's such a teabagger it hurts.
I went through something similar with my XH. I had a OOP in place but it stipulated he could contact me regarding DD. He ended up harrassing me to no end, sending me texts and emails at all times of the day, continuously throughout the day to the extent that it would impact my ability to get my job done because I was having to respond and deal with him. And unfortunately, most of the time he would do and say things that were in the "gray" area of violating the OOP. I just had to document everything and eventually had the OOP amended to limit his contact (he was allowed one email per week). He ended up not being able to abide by that and decided to grossly violate the order and threaten to kill me. I pressed charges, he was found guilty, and now there is a no contact order in place (he can't even contact me about our DD).
My situation is a little different because XH only has supervised visitation so there is no need for us to have any contact, but your best bet is to continue to document, file police reports every time he violates the order, and eventually go for modification (Not what you wanted to hear, I know, but I'm a firm believer of working within the system and getting everything in writing). It's a sticky situation and I understand how difficult it can be. Good luck!
Thanks for that information. It's good to hear info from someone who went through a situation similar in intensity. Looks like I am going to have to make a trip to family court this week. I was thinking that I would need to end up doing this (violating him out every time)- which is a hassle on my end- but consistency is key in this kind of thing so it's obviously totally necessary.
I am sorry you had to go through that. Very frustrating and scary, isn't it?
Document, document, document, and get an order of protection, if possible.
I had a temporary order of protection because XH punched through a door, was on drugs (had pics of the drugs and the door) and he called and left ten voicemails over the course of two hours.
Of course, my situation is different, he no longer has visitation rights and I have full physical and legal custody. I actually just blocked his number today.
I saw your post about that. I've actually seen some of the posts you wrote about him- super scary. I lurked a bit while this all started going on. I am so sorry you had to go through that. I never ever imagined the craziness that I (or you or anyone of us) has had to go through.
You're a strong lady. It's like fighting a war. How do you do it without literally feeling like losing your marbles? I started running- but still even then sometimes I just feel like my head is going to explode. echhh
It is crazy to think that you knew someone who you are now so afraid of. Drugs are a very bad thing.
How do I do it? Honestly, I'm not sure! I think I just knew I had to, for P's sake. My life is actually very calm now though, since XH no longer has any visitation and I don't have to have any dealings with him.
I exercise every day to relieve stress. Wine is also my friend!
Seriously, the little man has been my pillar of strength. And wine helps. a lot.
I feel so duped that I didn't see this going in. Talking to his ex gf- I am hearing stories about him that make me shudder. Literally shudder. I am so smart, but I was so so so so stupid.