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New to The Bump
Hey (: New here. In need of advice already :/
First off I want to apolgize n advance since ths s PRETTY LONG but im in desperate need of advice.
Well my MIL and I get along and stuff but lately OH man has she been on my last nerve!
My Fianc? has an ex-wife and a 4 year old daughter he has absolutely no custody of, Ex went psycho, kidnapped his child and moved 3,000 miles away and screws my Fianc? over for everything he has. Well when went out with my sister to LA the other day she mentioned to me, that she went over to one of our old neighbors house who moved away a while ago and she said that my MIL told her EVERYTHING about what happened between them at my baby shower! And it wasn?t just to her it was to everybody who attended my baby shower! Seriously like that IS OUR business nobody else?s! I had told her before when she first mentioned having a baby shower for me that Nobody in my family (except sister, parents and brothers) or family friends knew about that and there she goes opening her damn mouth telling everybody! This isn?t the first, she tells complete strangers about our life and how we live it and everything about his past and it pisses me off! She even goes and tells his EX and her mom about OUR baby when I told her I wanted them to know nothing about us and she still goes and talks to them like it makes them suffer to know he?s happy and dong well. Well it doesn?t! It only gives them a reason for her to make things up about him like she has before. I completely understand that she is happy and everything about the baby since I am her only hope for any more grandchildren but it also pisses me off that she is so damn clingy! My Fianc? lives with his parents because we have financial issues and can?t move out until about June and she is all up in his business and nagging at him for every little thing! When I go over to see him, (he works 12 hour shifts 5-6 days a week) She is knocking on the door EVERY 5 minutes and I swear she is a chatterbox, she comes to ask a question and goes off on theses other things and leaves like 3 hours later. Its pretty annoying that im still pregnant and it doesnt help that she always saying when r u gonna pop that baby out! Or when she ?tries to talk to my belly? and say Kaden come out already! EVERRY SINGLE DAY! I?m like HELLO if it was up to me he would?ve been out already! And she?s constantly texting me about everything! When we go somewhere with them its like the only thing she can talk about is his past about her and about things that happened and seriously could give two ****s about the ***** and she repeats everything like 6 times and this is EVERYTIME we go out so ive heard the same crap for 3 years. Another thing that bothers me is that they have a dog and 2 annoying cats.There house constantly smells like crap because they let the cats do whatever the hell they want and ruin everything and there couches and rug and everything is full of cat and dog hair since there almost always inside. I am always congested whenever I go over and when I get up I have hair all over me I don?t want my NEWBORN around that! She kisses the dog and lets her lick her face, I never see them wash their hands as much as they should and lets the dog rub all over her and the dog always smells. I don?t know how I can avoid an argument or her hating me for saying something but I HATE being at their house, but we have no choice. I cant not let her see her own grandchild but at the same time don?t want her carrying my baby when she just got done holding the dog and has dog and cat hair all over her.
Anybody have any advice to what can do?
I have already brought this up to my Fianc? but there?s not much he can do since he?s in their house.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Hey (: New here. In need of advice already :/
I'm really not sure where to start...
Welcome to the Bump. I hope you are able to gain a lot of useful info and maybe advice and encouragement in your stay--I'm pretty new here, but I have enjoyed the time so far.
I want to warn you that you probably (from what I've seen) aren't going to get a lot of advice/response to this post. First of all, it is on the "New to the Bump" board--which most people seem to use for getting to know how to use the Bump, put things in their signatures, and general technical issues, and so on. Second, you're right, your post is very long...and there are no paragraphs, which makes it extremely difficult to follow and is generally not appreciated (again, from what I've seen). Third, this is only your second post, so I'm guessing you don't know anyone on here yet and people might just not respond for that reason--imagine if you walked into a coffee shop and just blurted all this out to whoever was there without introducing yourself or getting to know anything about them--you probably wouldn't get much response or advice.
All that aside, I'm sorry that you're having a difficult time--it can't be easy especially being pregnant and going through drama. I had trouble following everything, so your situation isn't really clear to me, but what I noticed is that the whole trouble seems to be issues between you and your future mother-in-law, a lot of which is stemming from tension because she is supporting your fiance. If I'm misinterpreting the situation I'm sorry.
The only really advice I can give you is to find a way to get along with this woman. She may drive you crazy, but she is going to be part of your life for a looooong time--there is no getting around that. Especially because you and your fiance are dependant on her support, there are going to be some things that you will have to relinquish control over. It may not be your ideal situation to have dogs in the house or around your baby, but it is her house and you can't very well demand that she get rid of her pets because you/your fiance are accepting support from her. You could try respectfully discussing changes but you shouldn't put demands on her. From what you've said she sounds like she is excited and wants to be part of your lives and that is not such a bad thing. Try to work out some boundaries, respectfully tell her that you'd like some time alone, etc. but again, ultimately you are in her house and need to respect her.
When you are in a better position and able to provide for yourselves without her support you'll have much more flexibility to determine the degree to which she is involved in your lives...for now, you may have to grin and bear many of your personality differences.
Hope your situation works out