Why do I miss him tonight??

fromthewomb · March 2011

This is stupid. I know I don't want HIM. I want the idea of him. I want the father of my daughter to love us more than his partying and his girls he has to constantly surround himself with. I see tv shows and movies with father/daughter relationships and it breaks my heart. I am supposed to be happy that he cannot hurt us anymore, but I didn't have my father in my life and I don't want this to hurt her in the future. It's so stupid because she isn't even born. I don't know why my mind is plagued tonight. She deserves a better man than him. She deserves childhood memories of playing games with him and them going places together. He doesn't. He doesn't deserve to ever see her.

I feel like I should have known I guess.

SoulfulWhim5862 · March 2011

I know how you feel. It's been 9 months since my exhusband left me and I still miss him every day dispite what he did. Everything was chaotic after he left and we couldn't get along. We started communicating better for our son and were talking once a week, to a couple times a week, to daily now. Even though we are divorced now, we are still very close. We are trying to keep it civil for our son. I guess I just miss what we used to have before everything turned sour because I know how good everything could be between us. I miss him mostly at night too. It used to feel so comforting falling asleep next to him every night. The lonliness is painful. I just try to focus on my little one to get me through each day.

fromthewomb · March 2011

It's just awful. I do not want to feel like that. I should be singing that he is not allowed near me or her. Most days I do, but sometimes when I cannot sleep or a certain mood strikes, it's all I think about!

fromthewomb · March 2011

I was deleting stuff of us and saw on his fb his default is them together. I laughed until I cried. It's unfortunate when someones hair resembles a pink and white brillo pad.

SoulfulWhim5862 · March 2011

I still have all of our little sentimental stuff and haven't been emotionally ready to toss them out. I still have our marriage license reciept in my wallet. It's been there for 4 years. My exhusband isn't with the woman he left me for anymore. When he left me we were still intimate with eachother and I told her so she ended it. They were together for 6 weeks.

He is not seeing anyone and claims he isn't looking because he wants to work on himself. I feel like a fool because I am not over him. I still have feelings for him and he says the same for me. I feel stupid for holding on. He still wants to move back to cali to be in his life to be a good father to him. I just wish he was capable of change. He says he needs to work on himself but would like the chance for us to try again when he moves back. I just feel it's not a good idea since we get along better apart and we need to be civil for our son. My life is still a huge confusing mess. I just want to do what is best for my son.

kjohn091 · March 2011

Why is it that at night I can't stop thinking about him. Its been almost 2 weeks since I found out he was cheating and I hate him most of the time but at night I miss him. I'm so lonely. I hate going to bed alone and worrying it will be this way forever. I don't know how you guys cope with alll the feelings cuz I'm doing a pretty sucky job at it right now. Tonght has been especially. Hard so sorry for my vent. Wish I had WOW for the poster but I feel the same way. Does anyone else ever wonder how did my life end up here/ this way? Definitely was not the dream I pictured for LO's or my future.

fromthewomb · March 2011

I've been talking to my mom about this, because she went through something very similar with my BD, and she said that at first, it's all you think about. Then you will think about him a little less. Then the thoughts of him won't bother you as much. Until finally one day you look back, and look at the loser he still is, and always will be, and you will wonder WTH you were so upset over. It's a roller coaster for me with these thoughts, but I must admit, I do feel a little bit better every day.

SoulfulWhim5862 · March 2011

I haven't reached the point yet where it's not painful to think about him. I do think every day how I never wished this upon myself and my son. My parents have been married for over 30 years and are happy together. They have their moment like all of us do but they make it work. I dreamed of having that kind of stability for my son. Now that me and my exhusband are talking, we've been able to open up to eachother again. I am still cautious and feel as if I am playing with fire...and I have openly told him this and it hurts him because he doesn't want to hurt me again. I am going through a lot right now and my self confidence is at an all time low. My exhusband is being very supportive of me and is being there for me. Something that he hasn't done in quite a while. He wants to be a good father. I tell him all about the little things Nathan does and I hear the hurt in his voice when he says he hates not being here to see it for himself. He still hasn't seen our son and he will be 8 weeks old tomorrow. According to him he is looking for a job but hasn't found one. But I think if he really wanted to be here to see him he would be. He says he is taking this time to work on himself to be a better man, He doesn't want to date anyone else because he is far from ready and hopes that we can give it another try when he moves back. I just don't think I can even though feelings and love is still there. I'm just an emotional mess I fear it will take years to get over the pain I am feeling. The lonely nights are the worst.

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