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What do you tell your kids/stepkids?

taagenttaagent member
in Blended Families

SD has mentioned on a few occassions that she wants to be a country singer...the problem is that, well...she is tone deaf!  She can't hear herself sing (obviously) and thinks she has a voice like Carrie Underwood or Taylor Swift.  I am not sure that being tone deaf is something you grow out of or it just is what it is.

Here is my issue, although I want to support her, we tell her all the time that she can be whatever she wants to be (must go to college however), I have a hard time telling her that she has the ability to become a country star.  I try to explain how difficult it is and that it really is a one in a million chance.

I used to work as a junior talent agent in NYC and worked with child actors.  I have also seen parents build up their child's hopes and beliefs way beyond their actual ability and I swore I wouldn't do that to my kids, because it is such a hard industry.  I tried to explain just how difficult getting a break is, whether it is in music or acting but I also don't want to crush her dreams.  DH thinks that I am insensitive when it comes to the subject (maybe just because of experience), but when she asks if I think she has what it takes what am I supposed to say?

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Re: What do you tell your kids/stepkids?

  • GSDloverGSDlover
    Can she get involved in chorus or choir or something that might not only improve her skills, but it's likely that someone ELSE will tell her she doesn't have what it takes to be a soloist. And then it's not on you. And hopefully...she'll get better.
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  • taagenttaagent member
    I have thought about that and I am hoping that she will be able to do that!
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  • PlannedChaosPlannedChaos

    Well, I think you do things to support what she wants to be, but at the same time emphasize how important it is to have more practical skills.  SO, get her in chorus or voice lessons, but also push more practical jobs as well.

    My daughter LOVES art, and admittedly, her drawing is VERY good.  But it's not good enough right now to make a living with.  So - I encourage her to take lessons and do art classes and keep drawing, but at the same time, I encourage her to do other thing to round out her "college resume", so she has broader exposure when trying to get into college.

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  • j+kj+k

    Don't squash her dreams. She's young. She'll more than likely grow out of it.  Just tell her she can do anything she puts her mind to but it will take a lot of really, really hard work.  The chances of her actually trying to become a country music star will fade in time as she matures and understands the reality of it.  She'll probably end up in the business promoting or writing music...something equally as (if not more) satisfying and you should just encourage her to pursue music in any form and fashion that makes her happy.  

    The music business sucks. Nashville especially. It's tough and it's cut throat.   I have friends who are musicians and recording artists. One in particular - a music artist himself - was married to huge country music star.  Ugh. The stories I heard...there is nothing wrong with preparing her for the worst, but do it in a positive way.  Spin it hte best you can and prepare her for disappointment.  Just like any parent should in any interest a child has. 

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  • J&A2008J&A2008 member
    When I was 8, I wanted to be Miss America.  My mom didn't enroll me in any pagents, but she did make me a great Halloween costume with a shiny sash.  At that age, it's alll about a glamorous fantasy.
    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
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  • taagenttaagent member
    Thanks ladies, I am hoping it is a stage.  She does have other interests which DH and I fully support.  We put her in cheerleading last year and realized the girl has no rhythm at all, she still wants to cheer so we said that next year she can cheer again.  I definitely don't want to stifle her but want to be realistic, so I guess will just try to avoid her direct questions for now and hopefully she will either grow out of it or someone else will be able to give her a more realistic view of her talent, and heck she may be able to grow out of being tone deaf and learn rhythm (she is just like DH!).
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  • MrsHeidiRMrsHeidiR

    I dreamed of being a singing star at 8 years old also.  I was nothing fabulously talented, but I thought I was.  I loved to sing.  My parents encouraged me to gain experience and improve if that was my dream.  They told me of course I could do it if that is what I REALLY wanted and put my mind to it.  I got involved in music in every way that I could.  I was heavily involved in choir and singing was a huge part of my life as well as learning several instruments (guitar, piano and trumpet.)  However, as I got to be a teenager, the reality was that while I was "good" I wasn't great enough to be a star.  I did however end up continuing my studies and began to pursue college for vocal performance and music education. 

    At 8 years old you don't need reality yet.  That will come with maturity.  Encourage her to take the steps necessary to gain skills and let it take it's course.  You don't have to be brutally honest unless she is pushing to unhealthy expectation (i.e. trying to get a recording contract in the next 3 years.)  I wouldn't be putting her in auditions, but get her lessons, find choir opportunities etc.  She will find her own way.

    I never did end up doing much performing or finishing music education degree.  However, I am sitting here right now as my 2 children are practicing their new instruments.  My oldest recently took up Cello and joined orchestra.  My youngest decided to play guitar.  Because my parents encouraged me in music, I am able to give lessens and encourage and assist my children in their goals.  There is so much benefit to the encouragement and letting her take her own path.

    I would tell her "I hope you can make that dream come true.  It will take a lot of hard work....we'll support you in any way that we can.  How about we start with voice lessens?"

    You may find that her tone deafness can be corrected and if she loves it enough to put in the hours of practice she may find a wonderful path in it. 

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  • ca0918ca0918
    If she were 18 and wanting to run off to Hollywood you might need to address it but since she is 8 it is probably just a phase that she will grow out of.
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  • jamieandlindseyjamieandlindsey
    Well, if she is just 8 like your siggy says, it won't really matter what you say now.  She will change her mind approximately 2000 times between now and college!  My SD is 8 also and thinks that she is the best singer in the world - unfortunately she took after her mother on that and not her father.  We just let her know that if she wants to really do that then she has to taken singing lessons and listen to what the teacher tells her.  No one knows everything about every subject.
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  • MrsSledgeMrsSledge
    I tell them that when I was their age I wanted to a vegetarian veterinarian (I'm not one now), and that we'll see how it all works out.
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