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Military Families
Stupid ILs on top of deployment confirmation: XP from May 2011
DH is in the National Guard and yesterday we had to go to a Deployment Briefing.
His unit would have provided us with hotel rooms in the same hotel the conference was in. But no, his sister said she couldn't leave her kids overnight and all day alone, which I understood. Then late Saturday afternoon she calls to say she isn't going because she doesn't want to leave them alone all day. She does all the time, so it was a load of sh!t. So instead of staying at a Hilton free of charge, I got my happy as$ up at 5am (after losing an hour due to daylight savings time) to drive to this thing.
A lot of the information was boring, but it was things we needed to know. Halfway through the day his other sister that did come started "cramping" from her hysterectomy a couple weeks ago. I'm sure she was hurting, but she new it was 3 hours in the car both ways and sitting in meetings all day. Luckily there wasn't anything else we REALLY needed and DH was able to ask to be released without getting in trouble.
It pissed both DH and I off so much that he said he doesn't even want to invite them to his going away ceremony right now.
Of course, this was all on top of hearing that yes, DH is getting deployed sometime this summer.
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Re: Stupid ILs on top of deployment confirmation: XP from May 2011
Why were his sisters attending the deployment briefing? I've seen family members attend if the Soldier wasn't married, but never in addition to the wife attending.
Should the sister that had surgery recently have attended? Probably not. But leaving her out of the deployment ceremony because she was in pain after the trip is juvenile.
This...
I don't understand why his sisters had to be at a deployment briefing. None of my sisters came to mine, and DH's sister didn't go to his either. Weird.
DH's choice on all counts. When I asked why he was inviting them (because it didn't make since to me either) he said that maybe they would listen better if they heard the deployment information from someone else. They have been in denial about the whole thing. As for leaving her out of the ceremony, DH doesn't truely believe she was having that much pain, but that she was bored and didn't want to stay.
As for staying in the hotel, its because DH's unit is 3 hours away and we all traveled together.
I guess as much of my irritation should be aimed at DH as anyone else. Usually I speak up about things, but I'd never done this before and didn't know a whole lot on information about it. (His unit is really bad on the whole information thing).
She had a hysterectomy 2 weeks ago, and you're doubting her pain level? I had a measly wall cut out of my uterus, which is nowhere near the level of having your entire uterus and tubes taken out, and I was in pain on and off for almost a month, especially if I sat in a car or anywhere really for a long amount of time. A family friend had a hysterectomy almost 6 weeks ago, and she's just now able to do things like go to the grocery store or even drive by herself, and even then she says she'll be fine and then be in almost instant pain if she tries to do too much.
It would be really shiitty, and incredibly immature, on both of your parts if either of you banned her from being there when he deploys over this, especially if she was willing to drive 3 hours one way, a mere 2 weeks after a MAJOR surgery, just to hear what was going on. Should she have stayed home that soon after surgery? Probably, but you guys allowed/invited her to come and she wanted to understand what her brother is about to go through, so it is what it is at this point. Don't punish her for overestimating what she would physically be able to handle.
All of that said, I do find it incredibly odd that your plans for this briefing revolved at all around his sisters since he's married, but whatever, his decision I guess. Next time make plans, do what needs to be done, and if they want to tag along fine, and if they can't/won't then their loss.
You're both about to go through a hell of a ride if this is your first deployment. Don't make things more difficult than they need to be by playing tit for tat with his family. You may find that you need their support when he's gone, and it'll suck for you if you alienate them now.
Your post makes absolutely no sense.
I now understand that you are talking about your DH's family not attending a pre-deployment briefing. I am still stumped as to why it had anything to do with the Hilton?
His unit can't be that bad on information if they are hosting some huge deployment prep for families at a Hilton. Seriously. My unit had a 1 hour powerpoint held in the mechanic's bay where they normally work on the FLAs.
It sounds like you are doing a good job of going along with things, which is actually good. Your DH on the other hand, is becoming a bit of a pill (probably predeployment stress). You can't control your DH, but you can control your relationship with his sisters. My advice is to not alienate them at all- you will probably need their support later on. If they are in denial, well, that's one coping mechanism that they will hopefully eventually get out of.
Deployment does crazy things to families. Good luck.
ILs are tough, and I second the part of WTH were they were? I don't get that.
As for the post-surgery, I had a c-section with my son, and it's a tough-go. LOTS of time to recoup. They completely cut through muscles, etc. I mean, it's tolerable though, but the pain is harsh. So, I wouldn't be quick to dog her. (I also wouldn't call you a *** either.)
Just take it one day at a time, just put your foot down with the ILs EARLY! I made the mistake of waiting to voice my opinion and let them get away with a lot too soon and then when I finally spoke up... it was like I was speaking in tongues. LOL
It's a lot on your plate but nothing you can do about it now. At least you get a briefing as well. My hubby is navy and we just get a call from his Chief saying "you're going on this date". (About 3 months in advance.)
He's going this summer (I'm due with a baby in late April), so it'll be fun.
Just take it one step at a time, and don't back down to what your hubby wants. You need to think of your needs too. You are a family now and have to make appropriate decisions for Y'ALL. Not the entire extended family... especially when there are deployments involved.