Breakdown--tell me my feelings are normal!

lalabee0425 · March 2011

So last night I was laying in bed and it hit me. HARD. That in less than 3 weeks we will have a new baby and Keira's world will be changed forever. It made me SO sad. I felt/feel like I am taking away her mommy.

I stay at home with her and she truly is my best little friend. I LOVE being her mom. I love that I am with her all of the time (minus the times of horrible meltdowns!) and that I have shared so many special memories with her. Because I SAH I spend ALL of my time with her. We really are the best of buddies and she is a total momm's girl. Some days we will just snuggle up together on the couch and read, watch a few shows, play puzzles and work on colors, shapes, alphabet, etc. It's just me and her and we both love it.

I am panicking. Big time. I know everyone SAYS that you will not have a favorite and each baby comes with their own set of love, but I just can't imagine loving anyone close to how I love Keira. I always wanted 2 kids. I am an only child and I HATE it. I never wanted her to be alone. I want her to have a person (SO thrilled she will have a sister) other than her parents and not be alone. Having 1 was never my plan.

But here I sit. Staring 2 weeks 5 days in the face and I'm scared. I'm scared of what it will do to Keira. What it will do to our special bond. I'm SAD. It makes me hurt inside to take away what we have---our alone time. Our special just me and her time. My life is her. Everything is about her. My husband works really long hours and weekends since he owns his own business, so I really am alone with her 90% of the time. And when we are all together, she still is all about me.

I know things will fall into place. Logically, I know. Emotionally, I'm a wreck. I am already mourning the loss of what my life is like with just my little Keira. I hate the thought that she will be sad or miss me or miss what life was like before the tiny screaming invader. I know she is young enough so she wont' remember what it was like when it was just her, but she will feel it now. And I will remember it. I am afraid I will miss it. Don't get me wrong. I am excited to meet my baby, that I wanted VERY badly. I'm just scared, sad and really feeling anxiety about all of this.

Tell me I'm not crazy for feeling this way.

raceyrae · March 2011

You are not crazy! These are definitely all normal feels and feelings I went through myself. The morning of my c/s, I cried for the life I thought I was taking from Natalie -- 100% of our attention. Leading up to the c/s I would snuggle her more, get teary eyed when I read books to her, and think there was no way I would love another as much or that Natalie would be as happy as when she has all my attention, etc.

But as you said, it all works out! You will love DD#2 as much and in different ways that you love DD#1. You will share new moments with each both together, and individually. Before you know it, you won't remember or want a life without DD#2 in it, sharing it with DD#1. And Keira will feel ths same. The best is when Natalie tells me her best friend is Claire

I won't lie, I don't think you love each child the same way. For me, I love them both 100%, but my love is different for each of them, for differences in their personalities, etc.

I have found I need to and want to make one-on-one time with each girl so they have those special mommy and me moments. For instance, Natalie and I go to Starbucks and get hot chocolate while we play her memory game; or Claire and I go to the park by ourselves. These moments help to make me feel that I'm not denying either of what they may need.

Plus, I found it hard in the beginning to not feel that Claire was not getting the same amount of attention that Natalie got and thus, I was taking away from her because everyone was so worried that Natalie was struggling with not being the only child, my relatives and others seemed to ignore that Claire was around (my momma bear for my newborn came roaring out the first week when I noticed this happening).

You're definitely experiencing very normal feelings and though it's so hard to picture right now, it will all come together and you'll love each 100%. Keira and DD#2 will love having a sister and playmate. And remember, your heart doesn't split in 2, it doubles.

dbertagni · March 2011

That is totally normal. I feel the same way, but then I think about how much she will love having a little brother and being a big sister. It makes me nervous about her understanding that she can't be with mommy 100% of the time anymore, but I know that she will adjust. The other thing that makes me feel good is that she is starting Preschool in the fall 2x a week so that will be something really big and fun for her, and also give me alone time with the baby. I also know that at first the baby will sleep a lot and that will still allow us to have special time together.

My sister told me the day of her c/s with her 2nd she stood outside her son's room and sobbed because she felt like she was ruining his whole life. It all worked out just fine though.

A mom in our preschool group just had a 2nd baby and she came back to class today and she said it has been going well. She went to the dollar store and got several special things to give to #1 when she is having a tough time adjusting. She said that when she is nursing she sets #1 up with an activity and this has helped her learn to play alone a bit as well. I have no doubt that it is going to be hard, but like you said, it is so worth it for them to have a sibling and have that special bond.

sophabelle · March 2011

you are not crazy. i could have written your post word for word. i feel exactly the same as you. i know it's going to be different, and hard, but it's going to be SO worth it! just remember, different doesn't mean bad. i just keep telling myself that lol.

MelBee12 · March 2011

Your post made me very teary eyed reading it. I have no experience with what you're going through but I can totally see myself feeling the same way when we decide to have #2. Probably because of the very same things, I'm not wanting to have #2 as soon as I thought I would. (remember my baby fever just a few months ago?? lol). Since Dylan has become more independent, sitting up on his own, playing with his blocks, etc..it makes me excited to spend time with just him. I couldn't imagine putting another baby in the mix until he's around at least a year and a half or two. In fact, I don't think we're even going to talk seriously about TTC until Dylan is at least a year...but I'm thinking we'll start trying for sure around 18 months. I want to enjoy him as much as I can. The same that you've for sure enjoyed your little girl. I'm sure that it will all fall into place and soon she will get to meet her little sister and enjoy her along with you. Hang in there mama!!! It always gets better!

NatPhoto09 · March 2011

I can sort of relate. I've cried a bunch during this move b/c I'm not able to spend as much time with Nic as I used to. We changed his whole world around by moving, changing him daycares, not having the same friends, etc. I feel so guilty but I know it will pass and it was the best for our family.

Like racey said you will find your groove and you will love your girls to pieces. Don't feel sad, Hugs!

lalabee0425 · March 2011

thanks everyone. I was sobbing last night. I know it will be ok. It's just hard to imagine HOW with so much changing.

Time flew this pregnancy so I am trying to soak up every tiny second with Keira while I can.

XtraKristi · March 2011

Just wanted to re-iterate what everyone else said. It is completely normal, and it is hard! Her world will change, but for the good. Will it be hard to adjust, yes. It's hard for everyone. All of a sudden your normal every day routine/dynamic has changed. But you know what, you build a new routine. My youngest is now almost 8 months. I keep waiting for her oldest sister to get to that stage where she resents her or ignores her or whatever but she is still so thrilled to be a big sister. It literally brings tears to my eyes to watch them interact. They love each other and are fascnated with each other. No one can make my little one laugh as hard as her big sister. She literally can just walk by her and her eyes light up.

I know they are definitely going to have their moments especially now that the little one is almost mobile but I also know that having her as an addition to our family has only brought us all closer. I literally treasure every moment I have with them, especially during our alone time. It makes you really appreciate it.

veronicacorningstone · March 2011

I can't really relate, but I just wanted to give you a virtual hug. This time you've spent with your little girl will never, ever be replaced. I'm sure, once your new baby arrives, things might be a little different and you will have a whole new reality, but it will be your new life. Your new everything. One day you'll look back and wonder what was life like before your two children.

That doesn't mean I'm begrudging your fears and concerns. Of course you're worried, it's only normal. I don't know what it's like to be in your shoes, though. Sometimes I feel cheated. Well, not really cheated, but I sometimes regret that I never had a special one-on-one time with a baby. My time has always been spent between two. I wouldn't change it for a thing, but I do feel like I've not been able to give 100% of myself to one child for an extended period of time.

I guess this is what this whole mom stuff they talked about is all about!

MrsJones2005 · March 2011

veronicacorningstone:
Sometimes I feel cheated. Well, not really cheated, but I sometimes regret that I never had a special one-on-one time with a baby. My time has always been spent between two. I wouldn't change it for a thing, but I do feel like I've not been able to give 100% of myself to one child for an extended period of time.
I guess this is what this whole mom stuff they talked about is all about!

I couldn't tell you how many times I have felt this...I can't say anything to help, just want you to know you're not alone!

Lala...BIG HUGS!! Just know its normal to be such an emotional mess over such a big change in your life. this too shall pass!

erin_aaronsbaby · March 2011

You're SO not crazy. I think about it all the time now that I'm expecting #2. I love Wesley SO much, it's hard to imagine splitting my time between him and another baby - plus, I'm so afraid he'll feel left out or neglected, and I don't want that to happen. I know it will get better, but GEEZ. It's hard trying to work it all out in my head right now. Hang in there, L. You'll be fine. We're all here if you need support.

Want a personalized experience?

Breakdown--tell me my feelings are normal!

Re: Breakdown--tell me my feelings are normal!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards