Is BM being unreasonable ....?

HisChamaoleGirl · March 2011

DH and I are currently deployed to Iraq and my SS is with his BM in Guam. I emailed her today and asked her to send us a copy of SS 1st grade school picture. Her response was "only if you pay for shipping." We already send her $800/month (on average for the area is $300/month) and she lives with her mother and the only bill she has is her cell phone bill. Is she being unreasonable by asking for the $1.34 it will cost for shipping?

Ilumine · March 2011

First and foremost, you have to get over the amount your DH is paying for Child Support, (CS). I get that it may or may not be more than the norm, but I just read the calculator for Guam. It's pretty straight forward on what criteria it uses, especially when calculating military specialty pays, ohas, BAH, and step parent salaries. Given that, I can see why it may be more than a local's CS payment. And if this child were living with his father, he would be benefiting from these extra monies, no? ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... If the CS is too much, you can AND SHOULD review it. You get to do it every 3 years OR at a reduction/increase in pay at the 10%mark (I may be off the amount since I am working off my iPad). If you really think this amount is wrong based on DH's INCOME (not local average) THEN ADDRESS IT. ... ... ... ... ... ... ... As for the pictures, is she buckling and dining you? Sure. But at the same time, we have a BM who asks for the same things. It started to add up. And since we spent the money on the proofs/copies, the least she could do is pay for the stamp. ... ... ... ... ... ... ... Instead of ruminating on the inequities, start working on changing them. The crankies lessen.

Jmollo28 · March 2011

I think it is rude that BM is asking for shipping money.. and are you supposed to send her the money first or refund her?

Jessys_Girl · March 2011

Honestly, I would seriously let it go.

It's one of those "Pick your battles" things.

It's a buck and some change...it's really not that big of a deal.

The BM in my situation RARELY gives us pictures of the kids unless we really push for them. So something we've started doing is taking the kids and having a family photo session once a year. Is it a pain in the arse? Sure. Do I want to start World War III with BM over some dang pictures? No.

jaminjeff · March 2011

Yes, she is being unreasonable but it's probably not worth fighting over. I'd just take the high road and do it. Be the bigger person and not argue with her over it. You're just giving her the satisfaction of knowing she got to the two of you.

Good luck!

J&A2008 · March 2011

I always asked BM (the non-custod. parent in our situation) if she wanted to buy school pics. For several years she purchased her own package.

I'd ask her if next time school pics rolls around, you'd like to purchase some and ask if she'll pass on the info to you so you can get your own.

summerlilly2008 · March 2011

My H has never gotten any school pictures so we always just go to a park on a pretty day and take some. It's so much easier than having to deal with BM.

Littlejen22 · March 2011

She is being a PITA asking for the shipping but honestly she could also be asking you to pay for the pictures since she had to pay for them. This might not be possible b/c you are in Iraq but I would suggest purchasing your own package instead of asking her to give you a few of her photos, DH always mailed BM and her Mom a photo of SD and I will admit that I found it annoying that we never had enough photos to give to my family b/c of it (and yes I realize we are taking BM and her family versus my family but BM moved across the country and chose not to see SD and the grandparents lived 2 hours away from us and never once came to visit her in over 4 years of us living here.) My point, get your own and you have enough to share with your families and you don't have the annoyance.

knmommy · March 2011

I would say it is an annoyance, but pick your battles. This is nothing.

Karma1969 · March 2011

Yes, it seems unreasonable. That being said, if you want the picture send her the $1.84. It's not worth an arguement.

nickelbabi · March 2011

I think she's being unreasonable, but there's nothing you can do about it if you want the pics. BM has rarely ever given us any school photos and we've tried to get the school to send us the order form, but they always forget. The past two years we take SS to a portrait studio to get photos done for our families, so I would pay the money if BM was willing to send us pics.

fauxshelley · March 2011

You see the professional pics in my siggy? I gave him one copy in a nice frame and the photographer's info so he could order more if he wanted. I wouldn't have shipped him one only because I don't use postal mail unless needed, I use email. See if you can have her email you the picture. It's easier and free.

loriedy · March 2011

Yes I think she's being pretty rediculous. I also agree that if you are paying her more than the usual for child support then she shouldn't be complaining about postage or paying for the pictures like other said.

My advice is not to even respond to her and have your own professional pictures taken next time. If you really want the pictures then ask her to email or just pay the postage because I agree to pick your battles and this one seems pretty small. With that being said I still think even though it's small it's still pretty frustrating especially if you're already paying her so much extra CS.

HisChamaoleGirl · March 2011

loriedy:

Yes I think she's being pretty rediculous. I also agree that if you are paying her more than the usual for child support then she shouldn't be complaining about postage or paying for the pictures like other said.

My advice is not to even respond to her and have your own professional pictures taken next time. If you really want the pictures then ask her to email or just pay the postage because I agree to pick your battles and this one seems pretty small. With that being said I still think even though it's small it's still pretty frustrating especially if you're already paying her so much extra CS.

I definatly agree with the pick your battles statement and by no means am I fighting with her on this issue...I was just wondering if I was wrong to think she was being unreasonable.

Everytime we are able to visit with SS we do a family photo shoot just so we have our own pictures and we make the ones of SS by himself available to BM. Its just that we are away so much with our deployments and I would love to be able to see SS grow up even if it is just through pictures. The last time she sent us pictures of him was from easter when he was 4 years old. He is now 7. I just dont see why she has to be so difficult when it comes to sharing pictures especially when its so easy with networks like email and facebook.

MrsBPO · March 2011

You can contact the photographer and order your own set. Find out who took the pictures (you can get the information from the school) and request a copy for yourself.

Costs more than $1.84 but hey, at least you won't have to pay for her postage, just the photographer.

jpowell3 · March 2011

I would send her 2$ and tell her to keep the change. It isn't worth the stress & in the end you would loose because you didn't get what you wanted - a picture. (or you had to argue over it, cave and then get it)

loriedy · March 2011

*HiS ChAmAoLe GiRL*:
loriedy:

Yes I think she's being pretty rediculous. I also agree that if you are paying her more than the usual for child support then she shouldn't be complaining about postage or paying for the pictures like other said.

My advice is not to even respond to her and have your own professional pictures taken next time. If you really want the pictures then ask her to email or just pay the postage because I agree to pick your battles and this one seems pretty small. With that being said I still think even though it's small it's still pretty frustrating especially if you're already paying her so much extra CS.

I definatly agree with the pick your battles statement and by no means am I fighting with her on this issue...I was just wondering if I was wrong to think she was being unreasonable.

Everytime we are able to visit with SS we do a family photo shoot just so we have our own pictures and we make the ones of SS by himself available to BM. Its just that we are away so much with our deployments and I would love to be able to see SS grow up even if it is just through pictures. The last time she sent us pictures of him was from easter when he was 4 years old. He is now 7. I just dont see why she has to be so difficult when it comes to sharing pictures especially when its so easy with networks like email and facebook.

Oh ok so that's good that you're not arguing with her on this one. Well, no it was not wrong to think she is being unreasonable.

I understand, since you don't see him often you're not able to set up photoshoots as often as you'd like. Have you asked her about email or facebook? Does she have email or FB?

Trust me we have problems with SS and pictures all the time. BM send pictures to MIL and when we ask SS for one he says he'll bring it next time, next time, next time and it turns into never. Since DH nor I have contact with SM we figure she just doesn't want to give SS a picture for us so we just let it go. BM had SS ask DH for $ for his football pictures and DH paid for them and STILL NEVER got a single picture! Trust me I can understand your frustration.

Work on her emailing them or FBing them. Good luck.

HisChamaoleGirl · March 2011

loriedy:
*HiS ChAmAoLe GiRL*:
loriedy:

Yes I think she's being pretty rediculous. I also agree that if you are paying her more than the usual for child support then she shouldn't be complaining about postage or paying for the pictures like other said.

My advice is not to even respond to her and have your own professional pictures taken next time. If you really want the pictures then ask her to email or just pay the postage because I agree to pick your battles and this one seems pretty small. With that being said I still think even though it's small it's still pretty frustrating especially if you're already paying her so much extra CS.

I definatly agree with the pick your battles statement and by no means am I fighting with her on this issue...I was just wondering if I was wrong to think she was being unreasonable.

Everytime we are able to visit with SS we do a family photo shoot just so we have our own pictures and we make the ones of SS by himself available to BM. Its just that we are away so much with our deployments and I would love to be able to see SS grow up even if it is just through pictures. The last time she sent us pictures of him was from easter when he was 4 years old. He is now 7. I just dont see why she has to be so difficult when it comes to sharing pictures especially when its so easy with networks like email and facebook.

I understand, since you don't see him often you're not able to set up photoshoots as often as you'd like. Have you asked her about email or facebook? Does she have email or FB?

I have suggested the "email of upload them on fb" option but she claims she doesnt have time .... and then uploads 200+pics from the club the night before ..... :-(

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