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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
my story & how to preserve the memory
Hi Ladies-
I just started posting on this board today after reading through a few of the most recent posts and responding to a few. Here's my story...my husband and I were married in July and found out we were pregnant on 1.14.11, while nervous because it was unplanned (I was actually on bc at the time) we were super excited and fully embraced what we thought was our good fortune from the beginning. We thought it was perfect timing...2 of my good friends and my sil were all pregnant and due the month before us and we were closing on our new house in a couple weeks. The pregnancy changed our lives almost instantly, we had previously thought we didn't want kids for several more years as we thought all we wanted to do was party with our friends, travel and work on our house for a few more years. However, after finding out we were pregnant we no longer cared about that stuff, well except the house stuff because we wanted to make it perfect for our new little one. We went in for our first doctors appointment after getting a positive pregnancy test, they took me right away because I had no idea when I conceived. We couldn't see anything at that appointment except the sac (we were only about 4 weeks) so I had bloodwork done to make sure my hormone levels were rising and I was so excited when they were. Our next appointment was at 7 weeks, we could see our little baby and a strong heartbeat. The doctor told us that once there is cardiac movement the risk of miscarriage decreases significantly so we were just excited and not even nervous. I couldn't wait for my next appointment which was at 10w5d so I could see my baby looking more like a little person. Well, when he tried to find the heartbeat on the doppler he couldn't but said that was normal, he usually can't pick it up until 10-12 wks but when he did the ultrasound he could see a perfectly formed baby with no heartbeat. I was so shocked and upset I burst into uncontrollable tears almost instantly. He said it likely passed on a few days ago. He scheduled me for a follow up ultrasound 5 days later. The follow up showed the exact same thing. He recommended medical intervention by giving me pills to soften the cervix and get my body to start the miscarriage on it own, based on my case he felt this was the safest way to go. I took 21 pills (under doctor's direction) over a span of 36 hours before anything started happening but when it did I had excessive bleeding and after just a couple hours I was lightheaded and dizzy- there was so much blood I couldn't physically leave the bathroom. My husband called the doctor and I went to his office within 10 minutes so he could check me out. Since nothing had been passed (I had to see my lifeless baby for the 3rd time on the ultrasound- but as hard as it was to see at least I was 100% positive of the no heartbeat) he scheduled my d&c (that was thursday 3.10.11) for just an 1 hour and 1/2 later. Recovery from that has been easy so far- minimal pain and bleeding HOWEVER the emotional part has been hard. I cry randomly even if there isn't an obvious "trigger". Talking to my friends who have also been through this has really helped as well as opening up on this board (sorry its long but typing out my story is therapeutic for me). My last piece to this whole process is preserving my child's memory as well as packing up my pregnancy books, creams etc.
My question is how did you guys preserve your baby's memory or did you not? My thought was to put my ultrasound pictures pictures in a special box with a note that I write in it. While I may not open that box for a long time I feel that at least I am honoring the memory in some way. Any suggestion would be really helpful as I am hoping to do this in the next couple of days.
Thanks!
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Re: my story & how to preserve the memory
sorry for you loss. I wanted to tell you that as far as the baby's memory, i have a beautiful necklace. A friend of mine gave it to me after she found out. She had a m/c too and someone gave her a necklace that she wears all the time. It has a charm that says "remember" and another charm that is a ribbon with a pink and a blue bead. i haven't taken it off yet.
maybe you should get something like that to help. https://www.etsy.com/listing/56738975/pregnancy-and-infant-loss-ribbon-pendant
Dx: Me: Recurrent Pregnancy Loss; DH: Low Morphology (2%)
BFP#1: MC 3/1/11 at 6w1d - EDD 10/21/11
BFP#3: MC 2/8/14 at 4w5d - EDD 10/13/14
BFP#6: CP 11/6/14 at 4w2d - EDD 7/14/15
IVF #1 with ICSI & PGS: May/June 2015, ER 6/3/15, 17R/17M/15F
IVF #2 with ICSI & PGS: July 2015, ER 7/16/15, 16R/11M/9F
PGS results = 6 normal embryos (4 boys, 2 girls)
FET 9/23/15 = BFFN
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I am also making a memory box and keeping a short journal to try and remember everything, i am also getting a necklace with the baby's birthstone.
in hindsight i am grateful i had a d&c because i don't think i could handle much physical pain in addition to all the emotions.
I cry when I feel sad and i feel that my mood ebbs and flows. some times i think i'm doing good then i her a sad song and sob all over again. hope each day gets easier for you
So sorry for your loss! To remember our baby, my husband surprised me by making a memory shadow box sort of thing. It has a glass front, so we can see inside it, and he arranged a few of the baby things(a onsie we picked out together, a stuffed elephant, and a pregnancy journal I had started) that we had bought inside it. It's really nice to have the reminder of the happy times we had while pregnant and shopping and things. We also plan to each write a letter to our baby to put inside, and we put the congrats and condolence cards we had got inside it as well. I also plan to get a necklace with what would have been the baby's birthstone.
Also, if it was helpful to write out your story, maybe you could start a blog or journal to write in. I did, and I find that it is really nice to have somewhere to write about my emotions and things.
BFP #1 10/02/06, EDD 5/1/07 Natural Miscarriage 1 week after BFP
BFP #2 3/28/07, EDD 11/19/07 Natural Miscarriage 2 weeks after BFP
BFP #3 1/16/11, 1st U/S - 1/28/11 HR 132bpm, Missed Miscarriage- 2/28/11, D&C 3/8/11
March 2011, diagnosed with MTHFR gene mutation
"Dear Lord, I would have loved to have held my babies on my lap and tell them about You, but since I didn't get the chance, would You please hold them on Your lap and tell them about me?
BFP #4 6/26/13, EDD 3/8/14, Delivered @ 40w6d
Bethany Elizabeth born on 3/14/14 @ 6:48am weighing almost 8lbs 1oz and measuring 20 1/2 inches.
I am very sorry for your loss.
I had my loss 1 week before I was to go for my 8 week ultrasound so I did not have any pictures. Instead I bought myself the first necklace on this page, and used the February birth stone (month we found out we were pregnant) and October birth stone (month our baby was due)
https://www.labelledame.com/miscarriage-infant-loss.html
BFP#2 5/28/2011, EDD 2/1/2012, chemical pg
BFP#3 10/22/2011, EDD 6/30/2012, natural m/c 11/3/2011 @ 6 weeks
BFP#4 4/16/2012, EDD 12/24/2012, Beta #1 23 @ 10dpo, Beta #2 68 @ 12dpo, Beta #3 370 @ 16dpo, Saw baby and heartbeat on 5/11/2012.
It's a boy!
I am so so sorry for your loss. It is so horrible planning for the baby, being excited for the baby and loving your baby every single day, and then one day all that changes and there's nothing you can do about it. It sucks.
My husband bought me this in memory of our baby:
https://www.amazon.com/Willow-Tree-Embrace-Figurine-26084/dp/B000ODPBAC
It still brings tears to my eyes every time I see it, but I'm so glad I have something to remind me of our baby and the love/excitement we had for him/her.
We lost ours two weeks ago today. This weekend DH starts asking me if I want to go to Harrris' (our family jeweler, my dad's bf), I was like, no I don't want to go and I'd rather save the money then buy something just because. Last night I got to thinking about closure and preserving the memory of our "plus one" and that I'd like to get something with sapphire, maybe earrings or something in honor of our plus one's due date in September. I tell DH and his response "why do you think I was asking you about Harris'?" Sometimes I guess I can be pretty dense but I have been pretty wrapped up with this lately. Anyways he tells me today that he was going to buy me diamond earrings with a tiny sapphire under them in the setting to match my engagement ring. I tell him I don't need anything that extravagent and he says he wants to because I deserve it and he knows I wouldn't do anything like that for myself. I love him.
This organization is a fantastic way to honor the memory of your little one. There's an example of her work for my son in my siggy.
https://namesinthesand.blogspot.com/
BFP#1 5.27.10 DS became an angel at 21 weeks on 9.22.10
BFP#2 4.16.11 Healthy baby girl born 12.14.11
BFP#3 9.3.12 A healthy, bouncing baby SISTER on the way! EDD 5.12.13