Update On Our Family Just Grew... (Long)

Leggadine08 · March 2011

Ok there was some miscommunication on Friday so I would like to clear up a few points, DF wasnt communicating with me clearly.

As I mentioned before his bio family had got in contact with and wanted to meet up. I mistakenly thought for lack of clarification that they all loved in NC but it turns out just his aunt, two uncles and a cousin live in NC. His bio dad, siblings and grandpa live in a town only an hour away from us. He also learned of another sibling from a different mother and as it turns out this sister actually went to the same school as DF only she was a few years younger. So random he had all this family so close to him but never knew.

Well he spent his entire Friday evening on the phone, IM-ing them and texting his siblings. Which was fine Im sure they have alot to talk to about, he literally didnt say a single word to me about anything other than what they said/did ect. Saturday he made plans to drive down and meet them for lunch. He was acting weird and hinted around that he didnt want me to go and I guess I respect that so I stayed home and he left at 11:30. The town is in a valley so he didnt get cell service the whole time he was there so I didnt hear from him all day. He didnt get home til 9:30 pm and again spent the whole evening IM-ing and FB-ing them, adding pictures and such. I was happy he had a good time and he even got to meet his dad which was emotional for him. He wanted to spend more time with is dad and meet his grandpa so he told me they were going fishing the next day.

Sunday morning he left at 8:30 and I didnt hear from him all day until he was on his way home at almost 10pm. I understand not having cell service but do these people not have house phones so you can let me know your ok? He got really put off when I mentioned I wish he would have called me, I cant help that I worry when I dont hear from him. I didnt wanna argue so I let it go, wasnt worth a fight. Once agian his whole evening was spent on the computer and phone with them. I know this might be flameful because hes only just met them and they have so much to talk about but I literally have not had one single conversation with him since Friday morning if it wasnt about them. Well other than "Wheres the ironing board?" and "I need the computer are you done?" He hasnt cuddled me, spent any time with me whatsoever. We were supposed to watch a movie together Saturday night but he spent the entire time texting so it was pointless anyways.

He told me this morning we are going down there tonight so I can meet them and Im a little nervous. Not so much about metting them as I am about their home. From what Ive seen from pics and from what hes told me, they all chainsmoke, even his 19 year old sis and boyfriend. The rooms literally have a smoky haze in the pictures he has taken. I have never smoked and its always bothered me but its 100x worse now that Im pregnant. The smell turns my stomach and gives me headaches, I cant even hug my dad because hes a smoker. I expressed concern about it to DF and he got mad saying they are now a part of his life and I need ti meet them. I agree I just dont wanna spend a lot of time in a smoky enviroment, its not good for the baby.

Oh and the last thing he is going to NC to meet the rest of the family this weekend but hes leaving Friday morning and wont be home til Monday evening. I cant get time off from work so he will be going alone, yet another weekend I wont get to see him. I guess it bothers me because he starts his month of night shifts tomorrow so I will only see him for an hour a day anyways so I just wanted to spend some time with him. I know Im probably sounding like a whining child, it just sucks a little bit that he hasnt had interest in any of the things we were supposed to do this weekend.

Im trying my best to be supportive but I hope he finds the balance between everything soon. Damn hormones.

Wow that was a book Im sorry!

Callidryas · March 2011

Wow..I would be a bit pissed, too. Sure, it is his new family he didn't know he had and wanted to meet them, but to exclude you so much? And then when he wants to include you he puts you in an uncomfortable situation? Why not meet on neutral ground and go out for dinner. Clean air and time restraints! As for his trip to NC - he knew you couldn't get off work for that, and probably planned it that way. I would put my foot down and say no. They need to wait until later, after your baby prep is done and after his work hours change. They will still be there this summer, and maybe if you take the time to plan it out you could make a nice little vacation of it.

Leggadine08 · March 2011

Callidryas:
Wow..I would be a bit pissed, too. Sure, it is his new family he didn't know he had and wanted to meet them, but to exclude you so much? And then when he wants to include you he puts you in an uncomfortable situation? Why not meet on neutral ground and go out for dinner. Clean air and time restraints! As for his trip to NC - he knew you couldn't get off work for that, and probably planned it that way. I would put my foot down and say no. They need to wait until later, after your baby prep is done and after his work hours change. They will still be there this summer, and maybe if you take the time to plan it out you could make a nice little vacation of it.

He keeps asking me to take the time off but he didnt give me any notice. Theres no way I can get the PTO approved, especially since one of my coworkers is currently on FMLA. I already have to take 4 hours tomorrow to get my 3 GTT done so I cant use up any more, I need to have enough to last me til my short term disabilty kicks in after the baby is here. Plus she will need to go to doctors appts, Im sure I might have to stay home with her if shes sick and since Im returning to work after mat leave I need to try to save the PTO.

I agree about the resteraunt but apparently his grandpa wants to cook dinner. I will go meet them but I really cant stay all evening, he will just have to understand. This is DFs personality though, when he puts his attention on something it can be a bit obsessive, he doesnt divide his atttention very well. Seeing as its only been a few days Im not going to make a ruckus about it but we will have a conversation tonight if he gets on that computer again instead of coming to bed with me.

NJMom050911 · March 2011

Callidryas:
Wow..I would be a bit pissed, too. Sure, it is his new family he didn't know he had and wanted to meet them, but to exclude you so much? And then when he wants to include you he puts you in an uncomfortable situation? Why not meet on neutral ground and go out for dinner. Clean air and time restraints! As for his trip to NC - he knew you couldn't get off work for that, and probably planned it that way. I would put my foot down and say no. They need to wait until later, after your baby prep is done and after his work hours change. They will still be there this summer, and maybe if you take the time to plan it out you could make a nice little vacation of it.

I agree with this. I understand he is excited to have reconnected with his family but he's about to have a child and that should be his priority. The family can wait until after the baby is here and you can all make a road trip to NC, what is the rush? Also, no way would I be going to the smoky house, dinner at a restaurant is more than reasonable.

MommyHarrison · March 2011

I totally see your point.

I think it's good that you're trying to be understanding and are venting on here instead of to DH. While I do think being honest with him is important, it's also important that you are considering his feelings in this situation. All this happening out of the blue... it's hard for him, I'm sure, to truly digest it all and even know how he's feeling. So once he's over the newness of it, if his absent behavior is still continuing, then you should say something and make sure he's aware of what he's doing.

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