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May 2011 Moms
trixie2003
member
when ru allowing fam n after L&D? 2nd moms-thoughts from last D?
trixie2003
member
Question: When will you be letting family after delivery?(this would be a great question for second time moms!)
So DH and I just had a big fight over this one, and maybe I overacted a little bit (dang hormones) but I don't think I am completely out of my mind, just being realistic based off of what I've read, where he is coming from a media portrayal of delivery.(i.e. baby born. Walk out and tell everyone "its a ___! "holding the baby)
I told him to start letting his family know that I do not really want family members in the delivery room right after the baby is born for the following reasons:
1) I still have to delivery the placenta which can take up to 30 minutes
2) I want us to have some time to bond with the baby before the mass of faces enter
3) I want to breastfeed within an hour after delivery, which I've heard is the recommended amount of time from most professionals.
4) Both baby and mom have to get checked over after delivery to ensure all is well.
5) Chances are, I'm going to feel miserable
Anyways he got all mad saying how he didn't want to have to wait two hours before people where allowed to come in. Then he said "well I really doubt you are making your mom wait 2 hours" and I said "yeah, that's different. It's my mom and I may want to see her for a couple of minutes after the baby is born, but not my siblings or in laws." I also went onto say that I wasn't saying 2 hours is the golden number before I let ppl in. I may let ppl in after 40 minutes, but only for a couple of minutes before I want to try breastfeeding. He was still annoyed.
We ended with me saying "everything we just talked about right now is probably going to change on the day of delivery just because you can't predict how we'll react and what will happen with the delivery, but I still want your family members to be aware that its not like the movies where the baby is born and everyone can walk in with balloons and cake." ...now he's sitting across the room and hasn't talked to me for an hour...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: when ru allowing fam n after L&D? 2nd moms-thoughts from last D?
I'm having a c-section and want at least an hour after being wheeled into recovery with DH and the baby. With DD, I was brought into a room filled with both of our families and it sucked. I was still shaking from the meds and completely overwhelmed.
I know my family will probably be waiting in the lobby, but I want some time to adjust and get to know my son with my husband before everyone else gets all up in my space.
Plus, I'm vain. I want to wash my face, brush my hair, and put on some lip gloss before people come in wanting to play papz.
I don't think you're overreacting at all.
The hospital where we are delivering says that we'll get about an hour with her after birth (during which I'll breastfeed for the first time and we'll bond with her) and then they will take her (& DH will go with) for up to 2 hours.. During that. I'd love to let the family see her right away, but I do want our family of 3 bonding time and I don't want to try to breastfeed for the first time with an audience. It's possible I'll let them poke in for about 10 minutes before they take her so they can actually see her, but I won't be passing her around for people to hold her until she's back. I think that's reasonable and I hope they understand!
Hopefully your DH will warm up to the idea.
ugh I'm so not looking forward to this discussion with DH, we've started talking about it and haven't finished it because I don't want to fight.
I agree that the first hour of bonding is super important for both mom and dad.
Hopefully we'll all be able to figure this out! I want this to be a happy time for everyone.
well, i'm having a scheduled c-section and i am pretty much planning on telling people they could come the next day. we can send them photos or whatever, but there's no way i will feel like visiting and everyone will want to hold the baby i just got to meet. no way. i don't want to feel rushed to nurse, i'm going to be freaking exhausted, and i just want some snuggle time with my new babe and dh.
i'm sure that's going to go over great with everyone lol. but whatever, my baby, the last one we're going to have and i had a crazy emergency c-section with ds. i only saw him for two minutes until the following day. i'm going to do this exactly how i want to.
I think everyone feels differently about this situation. I know many people who have their entire extended families in the room right after the baby is delievered.
My opinion is the same as yours. Even the day after I had my family wait in the waiting room for over an hour because I was nursing and my son was feeding for what felt like forever. Luckily, my emergency c-section was at night so only my mother was waiting after the baby is born.
This time, I am going to call everyone as soon as she is born, and wait at least an hour or so before I let people come to see us. Probably after we've been settled in our recovery room.
Last time, there were people everywhere the whole time, and it was chaos. I never felt like I got a good chance to relax the whole time I was there! I'm going to take advantage of my hospital stay this time and rest and catch up before I head home!
Hopefully, no one is going to be called until after she is here. I do not want them waiting. We will call them when we want to see them. They all live within 30 minutes of the hospital and that is plenty of time. I want time to hold my daughter, clean up and attempt to nurse her and just try to relax a bit before I have to entertain. Plus, if I see my SIL too soon after I push this child out of my vag I will most likely not be able to nicely ignore her ignorance and stupidity. If we have to have a c section they will all be informed that they will not be seeing/holding her until I do anyway so they might as well stay at home. I believe I deserve to be selfish about my daughter's first day of life.
It is always my opinion that whomever is pushing the watermelon out gets to decide and my husband agrees 100%, regardless of how bad people complain.
After DS was born, it took almost an hour and a half after delivery to get me stitched up. When my bottom half was covered up, we let my MIL in while I was bf'ing. When we were done bf'ing, we let my SFIL in. Poor man was waiting in the hallway for over two hours. My mom was in the room when DS was born because I wanted her in there. My MIL and SFIL didn't stay long and no one else came that day. People were allowed to come the next day during visiting hours but I really felt awful and no one stayed long.
https://www.yourlaborroom.com/2011/01/for-your-family.html
Give him this article and MAKE HIM READ IT! Then have him send it to his parents, and who ever else thinks they NEED to be there.
I am only allowing my parents in because they will be watching DD and she has to have a companion while there. DH will be mine and baby's companion since I am having a spinal block (RCS). MIL/FIL are more than happy to wait until I am settled in my room on the Mother & Baby floor. Other than that, I am not allowing ANY visitors to the hospital, they can see me at church in a week or two or arrange to come by the house.
This whole thing annoys me too. I don't think you are being unreasonable. Maybe in the moment we will feel differently but I do feel like I want an hour or so just to be selfish and spend time with DH and our baby. It is OUR baby after all and as much as I absolutely love my parents, sister and inlaws I do not want them in the room 3 seconds after I push the baby out. I also want to try breastfeeding and I do not want my family around for that.
DH and I have had two mini arguments about this, he understands I want to bond afterwards but he thinks 30 minutes is sufficient before we can at least allow our moms to come in. I feel like I can't put a time on whats "sufficient." And he wants to call our families the moment we are on the way to the hospital. That annoys me because my family lives up the street from the hospital and I don't want them beating us there. Especially because my parents worry about everything and even when they are trying to be calm I will be able to read it all over them and that will stress me out. I also don't want people hanging out in the room while I'm in labor because I can see myself getting easily annoyed and do not like being the center of attention. *Sigh* I do not want to be asked 50 times, "how are you feeling?"
Oh and my mom told me the other day that for at least the first week she is going to want to stop by everyday when she gets off work to see her grandson. Again, LOVE my mom but DH will be off for two weeks after LO arrives. I'm sure that along with her would be my sister and probably inlaws since they live close by. I do not want to feel like I need to entertain everyday the first few weeks of his life. Won't I already be overwhelmed enough?
Sorry, I think I made this about me!
But again, I get your pain!
Ladies, thanks SO much. I thought I was being selfish, and really appreciate your feedback. I'm thinking about once things settle having my husband read this post....bad idea?
BTW, the labor room blog for parents is AMAZING!!!!!!
Have you checked your hospital's policies? Some have a "golden hour" rule where they make everyone leave except for the mom and dad for the hour after birth. Unless you want them there while you are in labor, I don't see why you need to have anyone waiting at the hospital and you could just call them after and tell them when to visit. If you want to compromise, you could let them in the room for a minute to see the baby (not hold it) and then have the nurses kick them out. I def. wouldn't want random family members there while I'm delivering the placenta.
A lot of men have a "TV" version of birth in their heads but the childbirth class seemed to help my DH with that. If your DH thinks you won't know how you feel until the day, tell him fine, but that he better respect your wishes for whatever you decide and you can have the nurses enforce it.
Have you asked your hospital what their policy is (if they have one)? Ours recommends waiting until about 4 hours after delivery to allow visitors. They'll allow people in before then if we request it, but otherwise, their "stated policy" to visitors is 4 hours after baby is born. Which is really nice, because it gives us an "easy out" of having to decide what's sufficient, especially being first time parents.
If they don't have a policy...well, honestly, I think you need to have a little more say because you are in recovery just as much (if not more than) the baby, and you deserve a little time to breathe before being overwhelmed.
Our hospital does not allow anyone except 2 people in the L and D room. I am having my husband and no one else there. After that no one is allowed in there. Then 1 or 2 hours after birth I go to my recovery room and guests are only allowed from 1pm - 8 pm. So if the baby is born after 8, no one will get to come see him until the next day at 1!!!! A bit strict, but I feel the way you do. I need some family alone time and also some time to recover. I can only imagine we will be really exhausted!!!!
DD due April 2, 2014
Similar policy at our hospital. Only 2 other people (other than me and husband) will be allowed in the L&D room when I recovering -- this will be for about 2 hours. They can't switch off and let 2 different people rotate in during that time...it has to be those designated people (if I choose to allow that). After I move into my regular recovery room, it is normal visitation hours, but I can tell the nurses if I want to limit visitors and they'll "be the bad guys".
Do what's best for you - you will definitely need time to regroup, bond and feed the baby and get a little rest if that's even possible. Believe me, my sister is going to be VERY disappointed when I tell her she can't come in right away (or even during delivery).
Just remember: no matter how ticked off people might seem to get, once they lay eyes on that baby all will be instantly forgiven.
~*~*May 2013 Moms Website*~*~
I think you need to let it play out on the day of. It's hard to predict what all will happen.
I had a c/s and was ticked that everyone saw DS before I did. I mean I saw him in the OR but didn't get to hold him or spend time with him. It was about 4 hours after my surgery that I got him. People came in to visit me and all the talk about DS upset me because I hadn't seen him.
If you want to BF, kick the people out. I don't give a craaap if they're ok watching...which some of the female family members have said they're fine with. I told them it would only be 15-20 minutes and they could grab a snack or go look at teh babies.
If I had to fart or sleep, i didn't care who was in the room.
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The issue is rather the opposite of happy though. Somehow the physical ordeal the mother just went through becomes totally irrelevant and she's magically just a random parent rather than a patient. Has it ever worked that way for any woman? Of course she has more say who comes in the room and when. The fact most of the visitors might happily ignore her (and that is hardly a plus) is beside the point.
That is garbage. You feel like cr@p right after delivery and need a little bit of time before you are ready to see other people. Dad feels fine! So no, it is up to the woman and it is her hospital room. Life isn't fair. Then again neither is pregnancy and delivery.
I only want my DH in the room with me, although I have yet to lower the boom on my mom and her expectations/hopes to be there for the delivery. I would loooove to have at least an hour for us to bond, try to BF, get us all cleaned up and have a rest. My parents live less than 10 minutes from the hospital, so it will be hard to keep them (well, my mom) away for long.
If I had my druthers, I would rather just call and let her know that we're going to hospital, then call again when we're ready for visitors after she's born.
Any way I do this, I'm going to piss her off and hurt her feelings. I really like that article someone posted, but I'm not sure just sending her the link would go over very well. I'm going to have to explain why she can't be there, then give some parameters for visiting. I'm absolutely dreading this conversation.
I delivered just before 1am and I know it was well after 2am when our parents came in to see the baby. No one stayed long because we were all exhausted, but they didn't want to go home without seeing him first.
I'm guessing we'll do the same this time around, although I'm hoping our parents stay home longer than they did with my son. Besides, someone will need to bring DS to the hospital to see his baby sister.