Likely flameable Not sure what to think

dulcinea03 · March 2011

DH was laid off last year, 5 days before the girls were born (awesome timing, I know). Because of this, my plan to quit my job and be a SAHM went right out the window and I was back at work when the girls were 8 weeks old. DH threw himself into finishing his finance degree/being a SAHD, and will graduate in May.

I HATE my job. My boss is a total d-bag, and right now I'm expected to do the job of 3 people and get paid peanuts while not letting any patients slip through the cracks. I deal with 100-120 patients PER DAY. It is insane.

DH is starting to interview for jobs, and found his "dream job" last week. Interviewed for it, and was pretty much told he'll be moved to the next level, and 2nd interviews will happen in 2-3 weeks. The good news is the $$ is awesome, its a job he'd love and be great at, and he'd use his degree. The bad news is he'd be gone Mon-Thurs most weeks. I could be a SAHM, but I'd be completely alone 50% of the time.

Here's the flameful part: I love my girls, I adore my girls, but some days they drive me up the wall. I'm terrified of the thought of being with them 24/7 and DH being gone 4 days a week. They still don't STTN consistently, and many nights I'm up 3-4 times between the girls. I'm scared that I'm not going to be able to cut it with them, and not having any help overnight.

Pricing out daycare, my entire salary might as well be direct deposited to the daycare. So if I adored my job, it might be worth it. But right now it just isn't.

WWYD?

browneyedgrl4282 · March 2011

I really don't think that is flameable at all! Could you work part time and put the girl in daycare or have a sitter part time? If you do opt to stay home, I would look into having mother helper or sitter come once a week so you can have sometime to yourself.

laura&dan05 · March 2011

Being a single parent is really tough and I can't imagine doing it full time. I give so much credit to those that do it all of the time!

My DH travels every week Monday - Thursday and I'm a SAHM. I don't have help over night but I do have family close by and a sitter to help out on certain days of the week. I don't regret my decision to quit working but being home by myself with the kids can be tough. Send me a PM if you want to talk more.

LucyPevensie · March 2011

I'd quit the d-bag boss job - sah for a while - and see how it went. If I loved it - yay! If it didn't pan out - I'd look for a PT job (that paid enough so that the 2 - 3 days of daycare would be worth it.)

I think other SAH moms might have some great ideas about things to do to break up the day - plus - while you might find that NOT having to deal with the stress of your current job - the boss - the unreasonable workload - makes a difference in how you cope with stress brought on by your toddlers, know what I mean? You might find you absolutely love it. But you won't know unless you give it a go. I say go for it (but I am jealous of your opportunity, I have to admit!)

Admittedly - being on your own with them Mon - Thursday will be challenging. No way around that one. It will be. BUT - you might get into your groove and find you're OK with it.

It will all work out one way or the other. And it is GREAT news about your DH's potential opportunity - I hope it pans out for him!!

sliz · March 2011

Have your dh take the job at least to get himself out there. He can always look for another with a better schedule if it isn't working out. In the meantime quit your jib if it sucks - if you need help, get a mother's helper or part-time nanny to give yourself some breaks with the girls. Sometimes it is fun for them just to be around other people. My friend has 1 yr old twins and has a middle-aged woman come help with them for about 3 hours a day during the week. The babies get a new playmate and she can take a nap, break or get other stuff done. She told me it helped both her sanity and their marriage

preheatedoven · March 2011

We are in a similar situation, my DH is also a SAHD b/c he lost his job, when our plan was that I would stay home.

Unfortunately he isn't close to landing a job, but over the past year he was a finalist for a few jobs. I have to be honest, while I would love to stay home, and that it is our ultimate goal, the thought of it also scares the sh!t out of me. Two toddlers are a lot of work. I totally get that. Then adding in needing to do all the overnight stuff for most of the week...I'd feel the same way you do.

I like the suggestion to try it for awhile and see how it works. While I'm not much of a risk-taker, and the thought of quitting my job to 'try it out' freaks me out, I think that is the only way to really know if it's for you.

jds0521 · March 2011

I agree with browneyed - not flamable AT ALL. We all need a break some time. If it were me, I'd probably continue working (is going down to part time an option?) b/c I, like you, need the break sometimes. Could you try to find another job, but keep working there int he mean time? I'd be scared to be alone 4 days straight too so I know how you feel...GL sweetie!

LuckySunshineBaby · March 2011

I'm certainly not flaming! I ALWAYS dreamed of being a SAHM. When we evaluated daycare $ and DH's schedule (and my potential schedule) we decided for me to SAH.

First, I would say DH should take the job, b/c in this economy, you really have to.

I just *knew* it would be a perfect fit. LOL. I now know that with a mobile child a perfect fit for me would be to work part-time. With another one on the way, it's a non-issue, but just life. I go crazy after 2 days in a row of it just being DD and I from her early to rise to bedtime. Toddlers only bring so much to the conversation table, ya know? We started DD early in preschool for a variety of reasons, one of which is my sanity.

I agree with pp about PT work. However, if it's not an option (for me I would be impossible to earn enough part-time to pay for twins childcare, and I only have one). But if it's not an option, maybe you could budget for a sitter two mornings a week? Like after breakfast time till nap. Or 4-8pm, with you coming home to do bedtime, etc. That way you can get out of the house (gym, errands, meet friends, etc.) and get a break, but still be able to afford it? Or maybe once a week with a once a month double sitter week?

I look back now and know that the straw that broke the camels back in this house was the 12+ weeks of modified bed rest for this pregnancy. It was too much for my stress level and poor DD's. DH pitching in was tough due to his work schedule, so DD goes two days 9-3:30ish to preschool. We are all much better people because of it:)

HTH

Mrs.Reem · March 2011

You know what? I understand completely. I couldn't imagine staying home until the opportunity hit me and I tried it. I struggled to keep Katen busy on the weekends when I worked. You DO find things to do to break up the day. For us we HAVE to get out for a couple of hours each morning or we all go nuts. It works fine though once you get in your routine/groove. Sitting home all day doing nothing does get challenging. The key is to either have activities ready to go or enlist in the kids helping you clean. lol!

epphd · March 2011

(a) totally not getting flamed by me. Monday mornings are tough for me, but at the same time I am frequently breathing a sigh of relief because it means Sam goes back to "school" Weekends - even with DH around - are HARD! And I only have one! I could probably be a SAHM with some serious changes to our lifestyle, but I'm happier as a working mama.

(b) could you look into a nanny share a few days a week to give yourself a break? A mother's helper? A babysitter? Anything to help shoulder the load but without the expense of daycare? I feel like there is a solution here.

GL and congrats to your DH in advance!!

CMM05 · March 2011

Would your job be any "better" if you went part-time????

If not, I would start looking for either a new full-time or part-time job.

I completely understand where you are coming from. I'm a part-time teacher, so I get to experience what it is like being a SAHM in the summer (and right now I'm on bedrest so basically I've been forced to be a SAHM.....). It is not for me (not the full-time SAHM part). I love having my own thing to do and getting out and interacting with other adults. I think being a SAHM is so, so hard. If you are already thinking it isn't for you, I wouldn't do it.

My friend's husband is a pilot and is gone EVERY Sunday-Thursday. They have 3 kids. I have no idea how she does it. She tried staying at home and she went insane. She now works part-time and although it is insanely tough for her to work and juggle the kids, she is much more happier.

GL with your decision!

jenber77 · March 2011

Well, if you really hate your job, then I absolutely think you should quit if you have the chance. Maybe give the SAH thing a try for a couple of months to see how you like it. Make an effort to find your groove with the girls. As others have said, getting out of the house is crucial. Look for some regular weekly activities (we do various classes at the community centre or the library) and favourite kid-friendly hangouts. Get together with SAH friends or find a mom's group. If you can afford a sitter for a few hours a couple of times a week to give you some time alone to do whatever, that would probably go a very long way to keeping you sane.

And if ultimately SAH is not for you, then start looking for a job that you won't hate as much.

Let us know what happens, and good luck!

dulcinea03 · March 2011

Thanks guys. I feel horrible expressing my reservations about being their sole caregiver 4 days a week. DH and I have talked, and at this point if he's offered the job, he'll take it. I will then give notice at my job, because it really is sucking my soul and isn't getting any better. Try the SAHM thing out, give it a fair shake. If it works, awesome. If not, I'll look for another PT position. My parents are in town, and will be able to help some, so I'm not completely alone. Also, I can look at finally joining some play groups or MOPS or something to get us out of the house and build myself a support system.

Thank you for not telling me I'm a horrible mommy because I'm not jumping up and down at the chance to have them all to myself 4 days a week and not have to work.

desabean · March 2011

I think not getting a break at night would be hard for anyone staying at home. My MIL watches G so we luckily don't have to pay for daycare but before we knew that we priced it out and while I make enough to make it still worth it to work outside the home, when I thought about it, I felt like even if most of my paycheck did go to daycare I still would have done it-- mostly because you will never make up the time to your career. Basically I felt like if I was a SAHM for 5 years I would go back to a job that was lower paying job with less responsibilities due to all the time out of the field. Of course, now that I'm a mom, that matters *less* to me-- but truth be told, I still like having two paychecks and working outside of the home, even if some days I wish I could get a day or two at home.

I hope your DH gets the job and you are able to make a decision about your job that you are happy with.

lrrb · March 2011

I say find a fun part time job you would enjoy and get a sitter a few hours a day/week. Can that be done????

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