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Babies: 3 - 6 Months
You can't spoil a baby the first 3 months...but what about after that?(longish)
My DD is 3 months now and I have always picked her up as soon as i could whenever she is unhappy and I hold her a lot and never worried about it because I had always been told that the first 3 months were like the fourth trimester and they need to learn to trust you. ?
?So now here we are at 3 months old and I don't know if I should continue what I'm doing or if I need to go about things differently. ?I don't think I could stand to let her cry but I don't want her to be too clingy and never want to be put down.
She STTN so that isn't really the issue, it's more like when I set her on her play mat and she starts crying within 5 minutes (after being changed, fed and napping).
?I guess I'm wondering how much you all still hold your little ones and do you think they can be spoiled now?
TIA?
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Re: You can't spoil a baby the first 3 months...but what about after that?(longish)
I've always heard you can't spoil a baby but my DS is definitely spoiled. The other day I rocked DS to sleep and as soon as I put him down he started to cry. I didn't pick him up because I knew he was only crying because I put him down, well he cried for about minute and went right back to sleep. I've learned to let him fuss a little before I rush to pick him up but ONLY if it's not a hungry, dirty diaper, tired or distress cry.
HTH
Thanks - I normally do pick her up at the first sign of unhappiness - I should probably give her a minute before rushing to the rescue!
?I'm hoping her toys will start to hold her interest longer so I can get things done around the house with both arms! ?
Like pp said, I let the boys whine a little first. Tage will starting whining in his sleep and will only do it for about 15 seconds, but then will continue to sleep. If I know that they are not tired, hungry, or wet then I let them cry for a minute or two before rushing to them.
It's not really the same with twins though because IMO I don't think you can ever really spoil twins. I can't hold them at the same time well so they are not constantly being held. So idk if my advice really helps.
He's growing up, but he'll always be my baby!
Nathan--11/4/10
...big brother to...???? Due March 2014!
As far as the playmat goes, you might try just drawing attention to a different toy or book or something. Sometimes when they fuss, they are bored and want to do (or look at) something different. Also, sometimes I can come over and play with him for a few minutes with a different toy, distract him, and then let him go back to playing on his own for a few more minutes.
They have short attention spans and get bored really easily. But I think sometimes we don't realize it's not that they specifically need to be held; they're just bored.
That's a very good point! ?I definitely need to try this more often.?
Hold your baby as much as you want. Babies don't get "spoiled" be being held too much, whether they are newborns or a year old. Frankly, I don't think babies can be spoiled at all, but we as a society have some pretty odd expectations of what we think babies should be capable of.
Our doctor actually told us to hold him as much as we can/want to the first 6 months and that you can't spoil a baby. I held him constantly the first 8 weeks when I was home with him and then I worried about how he would handle daycare, but he's handled it extremely well and is very independent already. Even at home with us now he's crying for a reason only - hungry, tired, dirty, upset stomach, or bored. I only let him cry if it's 'kind of' crying while I finish what I'm in the middle of and won't take long. Even when he's hungry now if I pick him up and bring him with me he usually stops crying. IMO they're still learning to communicate with us and need to know we understand their cues.
I do think DS got spoiled recently, so we're trying to undo some damage by introducing good habits and gradual changes. Here's what I mean:
He ONLY goes to sleep if he's held vertically against my chest and bounced/walked around the room. So we've started naptime and bedtime routines. And I've started to listen very carefully to his vocalizations, I'm anti-CIO, but he selfsoothes by moaning to himself. So I let him do that and then pick him up if he starts to really cry. Between the routines (good habits) and letting him lay there longer (gradual changes). He's starting to go to sleep better.
So I wouldn't just expect ot have a 1 year old all of a sudden. Instead, gradually shift from the "can't spoil" to "possible to spoil" mentality. And start to be aware of how today's actions will snowball into tomorrow's habits. If something looks troublesome then gently redirect. And don't be afraid to try a different strategy once in a while, as my pedi says, your 3/4 month old is a different baby than the one you took home so old strategies will start to fail while new strategies will inexplicably start to work.
Get out of my head