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Needing encouragement...(semi-long)

CPA04CPA04
in Single Parents

Backstory:  STBXH wants to take B tomorrow to go out with his parents.  I said no, but that I have no problem with them coming here to see B (in reality it makes me incredible uncomfortable).  STBXH gets angry, verbally abusive per the usual, and then STBX-MIL calls and repeats the process.  I'm an awful person, B will grow up and despise me for "keeping" his family from him, that STBXH's affair is something that "just happens" and that's society, it happens to lots of people. That the fact STBXH relapsed last month should just be forgotten about.  And that none of their other friends who've gotten divorced handle their arrangement like this so I must just be out to get him.

We have mediation on Wednesday and I'm asking for supervised visitation for STBXH because of his track record and because that's what the child psychologists have recommended given our situation.  There is no way I could propose that and just hand B off to them tomorrow.  It isn't right....right?

Am I doing the right thing here?  It sucks that there are so many people who think I'm a horrible person for the way I'm handling this situation because they're only hearing his distorted/delusional side.  It's getting to me and it hurts.  I'm just trying to do right by B, be his advocate, and it seems like everyone else is just putting STBXH before B.

Thanks for listening. Embarrassed

ETA: I think they need to see that I have to take these measures because of the choices STBXH has made and due to that, they should be angry with him, not me.  But then again, that would be rational wouldn't it? It's much easier to blame anyone but him for the situation he's in.  The addict is always the victim right?....

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Re: Needing encouragement...(semi-long)

  • Mama2S-K-MMama2S-K-M member

    I received the same treatment from my oldest DD's father and his family when she was your LO's age for the same reasons.  They thought they should be able to take my child whenever and wherever, I was not ok with that.  None of them were/are stable.

    I stood my ground because it was what was best for my DD.  You are doing the same thing.  Do not let these people bully you.  Your #1 priority is your DS and his safety. period.  They can scream and whine all they want...

     Good Luck, stay strong :)

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  • sweetie0228sweetie0228 member
    Hang up the phone.  You stated the boundaries if they don't work for them then it's on them.  You don't owe them anything.  Until a court order compels you, you don't have to allow visitation.
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  • kmartinez80kmartinez80 member

    Ditto pp.  You need to do what's best for you LO and allowing your STBXH and his family to take LO is not what's best, especially if there is no court order in place.  Stand your ground and end the conversation (hang up the phone) at the first sign of your STBXH or his family becoming agressive or abusive.  You don't have to allow someone to be verbally abusive to you and do not for a second think it would be rude to hang up the phone (they're not acting in an acceptable manner).  Good luck!

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  • DarthNBJenniDarthNBJenni

    imagesweetie0228:
    Hang up the phone.  You stated the boundaries if they don't work for them then it's on them.  You don't owe them anything.  Until a court order compels you, you don't have to allow visitation.

    Plus, without a court order, your STBXH could take your DD and not hand her over until a court order is writen. Posession really is 9/10ths of the law.

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