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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
Mrslove78
member
Anyone w/DH with a spending problem?
Mrslove78
member
I posted this in money matters, but wanted to post here... that bord is slow.
I think I'm going to be sick. I'm so tired of this fight w DH. Every Time he buys something he says... it's my last thing, after this we don't need anything else. He doesn't admit he has a problem. This time he wants a $20,000 travel trailer and has been nagging at me for month about it, promises he's done. He told me if I don't let him get one, he'll buy it and live in it! So sick of fighting about this, i'm tempted to just give in just so it'll stop! We have debt, and enough stress in our lives aside from this. WWYD? Stick to your guns even if it makes life a living nightmare? Or just let him get it and move on with a happier life and hope it's the last thing he NEEDS?
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Re: Anyone w/DH with a spending problem?
I wouldnt call it a spending problem. I'd call it a fairness problem. I have to purchase on a budget and put of purchases that I'd really like to get when we have the extra money. DH can buy whatever he wants when we have the extra money. For instance with tax money this year my DH bought himself a laptop (which I shrugged off because he is working on his master's and really needed one). But we also bought all the things we need for the new baby.
I know I dont fight hard enough. I've always given up things I wanted for other people's needs. Its a habbit from childhood. I am much better at managing wants and needs then my husband is....thats for sure!
It sounds like it's more than just a problem - it sounds like an addiction. Addicts often say things like "just this one more thing" or "just this last time". As you are finding out, it is never just the one more thing. If you give in and let him get the trailer, he may be "happy" for a week, a month, a few months, but sooner or later he'll come across the next thing he "has" to have to make him happy. He won't ever be happy or satisfied, though.
Because he's addicted, this is turning into a marriage problem because he's threatening you with him leaving if you don't give in. Not only would I stick to my guns and say hell no on the trailer, I'd be begging him to go to counseling with me because there are issues here. If he won't go, maybe you should look into going on your own so you can learn how to best cope with his behavior.
I didnt think about that but now that I've read it from someone else I complelty agree! There are shopping addiction counselers out there...maybe you should set up an intervention.
This! I would not give in and if he chooses to still buy it and move into it then I would make it clear that he may no longer find me in the house once he does decided to come back in. He is going to run your marriage into the ditch the way he's going. Ditto pp about getting marriage counseling and I would also like to add financial counseling. DH and I have a joint acct as well as our personal accts prior to marriage. Once bills are paid whatever's left over goes into our personal accts and that's where we do our fun spending that can't be questioned. The fact that he wants to spend 20k of your marriage money without discussing it in a mature manner is a lack of respect and definitely a sickness.
we will not EVER go to counseling. I've tried. And yes, it is an addiction. I just called his sister who is a very good friend of mine. I know he's going to be really mad if he finds out I talked to her about this... he's a very private person. She told me he's an addict, but he won't listen to her, she's also tried to talk to him about this problem in the past. She said he won't leave me, he's just saying that.... but, we'll see. At least I have her to talk to about all this.
and you girls. Sure helps. I'm going to start saving secretly just in case he ever does leave me over something dumb like this. Each time I create a significant savings account he finds something to spend it on.
I have the feeling he's going to buy one today, not sure what I'll do if he does. Anyone know if a dealership needs both parties signatures for a purchase? I think I may DD this post soon. Feel bad airing my dirty laundry. He's so great aside from this addiction of his, just sucks.
Yes. I did. Didn't work. =(
This is us exactly. I'm a SAHM so I feel bad not letting DH get things he WANTS but doesn't always NEED. I never buy things for myself but it seems like he comes up with new things he needs all the time and he doesn't hesitate to go out and get them, yet can turn around and complain about money (or lack there of). Our issues are nowhere near $20,000 items however, and I would be putting my foot down if I were you. It sounds like if you agree to this, there will just be some other purchase your DH will be cooking up soon enough anyway.
DH and I used to spend a lot, we had no money in savings and last year had 7000.00 worth of debt.
We had to get our life in order for the sake of our future. Now, if we don't have the cash for something, we will not buy it. We have a pittance account setup, so we can do things without questioning/affecting the household.
20,000 is a lot, for us, but IDK what your income bracket is to say that its too much for you too. Its okay to want for things, but you need to get your debt/life expenses in order first. CCs are a quick way to get something you want, but in the long run you suffer from it, if you dont have the money to pay it off that month.
GL!