What not to say....

PhoxySteph · March 2011

what are some of the terms, advice, or posts YOU hate to hear from others about TTC?

ksmit062 · March 2011

As far as advice- "it will happen when it happens" or "you should just relax." Psssh.

royal15 · March 2011

I hate when people say "why don't you have any children yet".

I want to turn and say something very snarky to these people.

jenine482 · March 2011

I agree, being "relaxed" is a nice concept but when the clock is already ticking by its pretty hard. And lets face is anyone willing to chart and check your CM daily can't been too relaxed about the whole thing. I also dont like to leave things to chance which is why I started charting in the first place. = )

elandric · March 2011

I hate when people with kids say to me (usually while their kid is acting up), "do you really want to do this?" um.....yes, and apparently so did you because you had a choice as well. I will take the good and the bad, as long as I get to have children.

branmuffin2112 · March 2011

ksmit062:
As far as advice- "it will happen when it happens" or "you should just relax." Psssh.

Yep this and "you're still young"

Oh oh oh and the other day my friend said that her cousin has PCOS and her dr told her to take BCPs and just take them every other day Indifferent

AND YES, SHE GOT KU!

I just shook my head and said "bless her heart".

elandric · March 2011

branmuffin2112:
ksmit062:
As far as advice- "it will happen when it happens" or "you should just relax." Psssh.
Yep this and "you're still young"

I get this one, and usually they have no clue how old I am.

jenni888 · March 2011

ksmit062:
As far as advice- "it will happen when it happens" or "you should just relax." Psssh.

These for sure. Can I "just relax" my egg into becoming a super sperm magnet? Or perhaps I can "just relax" a tiny yellow brick road to facilitate their journey. Didn't think so. The "so, when are you guys going to have kids?" question from my grandparents makes me insane as well. As if I could just push a button when I'm ready to order. Angry

branmuffin2112 · March 2011

elandric:
branmuffin2112:
ksmit062:
As far as advice- "it will happen when it happens" or "you should just relax." Psssh.
Yep this and "you're still young"
I get this one, and usually they have no clue how old I am.

lol yep!!! I usually do this Hmm

greeneyed_bride · March 2011

The worst one I've ever heard wasn't said to me, it was said to a friend who had been off of birth control for three years and was trying. It was "You must not be doing it right!"

jillychris · March 2011

I've had several close friends and family members tell me that I am too stressed and I need to find a way to make my job less stressful. Well..I am an administrator at a jr high...I can't quite make the kids all go away, so I have no stress. I also know plenty of school administrators who have kids, so it can't be that my job alone is going to keep me from getting pregnant.

Dman85 · March 2011

Let me preface this by saying I'm adopted.

I really hate when people tell me "It's OK, you can always end up adopting". That's all fine and dandy, but that was really a last resort attempt for my parents to have a girl ( I have 3 older brothers). Maybe later down the road in life, but I'd really like to not adopt my first child if I can help it!

LME06 · March 2011

greeneyed_bride:
The worst one I've ever heard wasn't said to me, it was said to a friend who had been off of birth control for three years and was trying. It was "You must not be doing it right!"

You've got to be kidding me. That woman wouldn't be ABLE to do anything right after I was done with her. (J/K, sorta) I love "are you guys trying?" I so feel like that's none of anyone's business. All my KU friends (who all got pg 1st or 2nd month) ask me that. Then if I tell them we've been trying for a little while they say "ohhh, I'm sorry." Don't need your pity party, thanks.

CarolinaGirl82 · March 2011

I 400% agree with the "just relax" and "you're still young" comments.

I also get really irritated when people tell me "It will happen" or "It'll happen in God's time."

For 1) Really, I'm going to be able to get pregnant? You are so totally certain? And for 2) all issues of religion aside, which I'm just not getting into right now, indicating that it will happen in God's time is actually pretty insulting. So, God has decided that crackheads, alcoholics, teenagers, and women who don't want a baby, should go ahead and be able to get pregnant on accident, but not me? A person in a stable relationship, who is mature, educated, healthy and DESPERATELY wants a child should not? I just don't see how that is remotely helpful input.

Jenn478 · March 2011

When are you having another?

When will Kylie be a big sister?

When I am in a bad mood I want to tell them we tired, but it was ectopic. I just bite my tongue and smile.

ajroemisch · March 2011

royal15:

I hate when people say "why don't you have any children yet".

I want to turn and say something very snarky to these people.

Or: When are you guys gonna finally have kids?

Here was my favorite: "Well, your sister (dh's) beat you guys to the grandkid stage! What are y'all gonna do about it?" This was told to us right after she got pregnant UGHHHHHH! We had been ttc for almost 4 years and it took her 4 months!

monkeymom101908 · March 2011

Jenn478:

When are you having another?

When will Kylie be a big sister?

When I am in a bad mood I want to tell them we tired, but it was ectopic. I just bite my tongue and smile.

Yep...."when is "A" going to be a big brother"? My SIL must ask me at every family gathering, I Kid you not!! Stop asking me!!!!!!!

blindvictory · March 2011

Any time I mention having kids around my MIL, I get, "well, you don't need to be having kids yet anyhow. It's too soon." As if it's her call at all! We've been married for coming up on two years now. From everyone else, I generally get "you're young. You've got plenty of time. Don't rush it." Super frustrating and annoying, because again...it's not their call.

oncoRN · March 2011

elandric:
I hate when people with kids say to me (usually while their kid is acting up), "do you really want to do this?" um.....yes, and apparently so did you because you had a choice as well. I will take the good and the bad, as long as I get to have children.

THIS!

nursemama2be · March 2011

greeneyed_bride:
The worst one I've ever heard wasn't said to me, it was said to a friend who had been off of birth control for three years and was trying. It was "You must not be doing it right!"

One of my friends said this to me. It is so insensitive, if only it was that simple. I was also recently told that if I really wanted to, I would be pregnant. Lovely huh?

PhoxySteph · March 2011

CarolinaGirl82:

crackheads, alcoholics, teenagers, and women who dont want a baby, should go ahead and be able to get pregnant on accident, but not me? A person in a stable relationship, who is mature, educated, healthy and DESPERATELY wants a child should not?

This is what gets to me..... SO many women who doenst even want a baby and yet they get pregnant... 3 of my friends "accidently" got pregnant ALL in the same month I MC. Sad

As far as post... I think what gets to me is all the flaming. I cant stand all the put downs for asking questions (even stupid ones.... and believe me I've asked my fair share) But hey...it IS a public forum and with as many women that are on here.... flaming WILL happen weather you like it or not.

The statement made to me that really made me POed: "Your body must have known something was wrong with the baby. (Then they added) Hey, you weren't that far along atleast" Angry

shannondannon · March 2011

elandric:
I hate when people with kids say to me (usually while their kid is acting up), "do you really want to do this?" um.....yes, and apparently so did you because you had a choice as well. I will take the good and the bad, as long as I get to have children.

This! I work with kids in their homes and I get this a lot. I know kids aren't always perfectly behaved, but I'm still signing up. Thanks though.

hnh1205 · March 2011

blindvictory:
Any time I mention having kids around my MIL, I get, "well, you don't need to be having kids yet anyhow. It's too soon." As if it's her call at all! We've been married for coming up on two years now. From everyone else, I generally get "you're young. You've got plenty of time. Don't rush it." Super frustrating and annoying, because again...it's not their call.

EXACTLY what I was going to say! I can't stand when people say "You've got plenty of time. You are so young. Enjoy being together first." Ugh I'm over it. I just want to say, "I'm glad you waited 10 years to try for your first, but that doesn't mean that's what I want to do."

CluckyEV · March 2011

"I have a friend who was TTC for a long time and she had some problems. Then one day she was KU." Yeah, thanks! Tell me about your friend who had a septum removed that got KU. That is the story I want to hear.

KYmama9286 · March 2011

My best friend and I started trying the same month. She got KU right away and I obviously have not. We were pregnant with our first DS's together and I know she was looking forward to being pregnant together again. She will often text me "you REALLY need to get pg this month! Make sure to try really hard!" I know she is just trying to be funny and playful but it always makes me think..."oh so I guess that we just weren't TRYING hard enough...I'll make sure to TRY harder this month" :sigh:

AFWife10 · March 2011

I have girls at work who always tell me I'm making a huge mistake because kids will "ruin" my life (really?!?). They say I can take their kids for a day and I will change my mind. (All young, single, 'oops I got pg after drinking too much' girls...seriously-not kidding about that). I tell them I would gladly take their kids for a day and want kids even more after. Sigh...

lp0 · March 2011

"I don't understand, I went off birth control and got pregnant the first month." Really mom?! Well some people may actually take some time getting pregnant.

I also hate, hate, HATE being told just to "just relax"! Really?! You try to relax when you spend months and months trying to get pregnant and not have it happen.

My new favorite thing to say when people ask when we're going to have kids or why we're not pregnant is to tell them flat out that if I had it my way that I would have been pregnant 5 months ago but it's not happening for us. You can tell after that they feel like complete jackasses.

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