depression impacting adoption chances?

nancyandnate · October 2008

Hi, I'm a lurker with a question. ?So after four miscarriages in less than a year, I'm not myself. ?Imagine that, huh?!? ?So I've been thinking of setting up time with a counselor, but am afraid they will state I am depressed and it could be held against us if we try to adopt. ?Is this a legitimate concern or am I worrying for nothing? ?We'd do an international adoption, if that makes a difference.

Thanks for any advice you can share!?

Amy720 · October 2008

I'm so sorry about your losses. We lost 2 babies ourselves and even though I didn't go to therapy, I was very down for a while. Starting the adoption process back up after a brief wait actually helped me.

I would think as long as you are getting the right care and treatment, it wouldn't really matter.

Temp206787500007404 · October 2008

I think I heard that Korea has very strict health-standards and depression medication would probably impact an application for a child there, but I would imagine anyone looking at your health history and seeing you are receiving proper care would be understanding of that.

MyColonyNJ · October 2008

After my second loss, I considered calling my doc for a Rx, but chickened out.

After my third loss I was beside myself - deeply depressed. I really wanted to call for a Rx for something to help me sleep and something for the depression. But, I knew like the last time that things would get better. Slowly, but they would.

But, the main reason why I did not call is the same reason you are concerned. After loss # 2, we talked about adoption, and I really did not want that on my medical record. I have no idea if it makes a difference or not, never looked it up.

But, i didn not want it to bite me in the ass.

And, like PP poster said, once we decided on adoption, i started feeling better and better.

Vibes to you

karalee402 · October 2008

My experience is only in domestic adoption, but I know for a fact that couples with health issues are not discriminated against. I've worked with a couple in a similar situation to yours - she was chronically depressed and had been on medication for years. Once you are homestudy approved (in the US anyway), you're good to go with agencies. I think with international adoptions the homestudy process can be different and that different countries want different things, but I would not at all stop yourself from getting some treatment if you think you need it. Good luck to you and I am so sorry for your losses. I hope things work out perfectly for you!

TTCgradstud · October 2008

I notice a lot of pp mention depression treatment with medication, and I admit I know very little about depression, but if you talked to a counselor could you try treatment without meds? The reason I ask is that my SW asked during the homestudy if I had gone to therapy to discuss my IF issue. She started to view my "no" as a negative until I explained that I talked to DH, my mom, my friends, message boards, etc. I have dealt with it, but in my own way. So I get the feeling that treatment through therapy may be viewed differently then if you take meds. (although I don't know for fact, nor do I know enough about depression to know if that would be effective enough)

I think that getting the help you need so that you feel more like you again is worth it.

FWIW I found this while googling:

https://international.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/depression-and-int-l-adoption

https://bbinternationaladoption.com/Adoption_Requirements.shtml (this one references severe depression: hospitalization, etc.)

foreverbride · October 2008

Hi,

We got married on the same day Just thought I'd share. At any rate, I posted about Korea and a friend who is on meds for depression. She is able to continue her adoption with Korea. She's using Eastern, and from what I hear they are ok with it, as long as your doctor writes a note saying that you are ok to parent.

-Jackie

silliestbunny · October 2008

It depends.

Are you considering domestic or international adoption?
International can get tricky w/meds. Counseling should not be a problem especially if it's not done by an MD.

The other thing to realize about discussing depression is that it can be categorized as situational when dealing with stress. This is a good way to describe what you are feeling. Situational depression is different than a clinical major depression.

Lastly, seek help. Whether you discuss your feelings w/your physician or a counselor, your mental health is as important as your physical health.

Take care...and good luck.

Ranita · October 2008

I think that sometimes when dealing with IF or loss we are almost reduced to thinking life only happens 28days at a time. Everything from whether or not we should drink coffee or eat sushi has - I'm sure - entered into all of our minds on a nearly weekly basis at some point in our journey.
The reason I say this is that it is easy to feel like we should stop everything else in our lives until the baby is here, but I want to encourage you, as the pp said to seek support. Talk to your MD first or talk to a counsellor, but either way, you need to be healthy and cared for. Your mental and emotional health is as important as your physical health and the 3 tend to influence one another so in the long run, getting support now will also help you be physically stronger and healthier with a better immune system etc. It will make you a stronger mommy too. I think that if you share your concerns about meds with your professional, they can work out something that will be right for you and your family. Your not taking meds now, or getting even the professional help to process and decompress. Even if you don't want to be on any chemical prescription, someone who specializes in issues associated with loss and grief would be able to give you emotional tools. I've been to therapy for other issues not related to IF and our SW viewed that positively as it showed that I was able to reach out for help for myself and therefore if our child comes home from his or her birth country and shows signs of attachement or developmental issues, I'll be more likely to get him the right help too rather than pushing down the problem.
In the end, you are wise to make the decision that makes you healthiest. Hope that wasn't too long. ((hugs))

nancyandnate · October 2008

Thanks so much to everyone for taking the time to respond and share your experiences. ?That is so helpful! ?I admire all of you so much. ?I'm also an adoptee, so I appreciate all you've been through to build your family and provide a loving home. ?Many blessings to you all.

BabySweetPeasMom · October 2008

There are some programs in which those who are diagnosed with depression cannot participate. But not all of them are like that. Most likely, after dealing with IF issues in particular, it's situational depression. And it can be treated either chemically or through a counselor. It won't always count against you in a home study or with an agency. It's totally common to go through something like that when family building.

Don't NOT seek help if you need it because you are afraid it'll hurt your chances. Just seek another program to use.

Good luck!

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