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Update from my last post

Momma2NuggetMomma2Nugget
in Single Parents
First of all I would like to thank all of you for the advice. It is very appreciated. I did e-mail BD as well as his sister and ended up getting the medical history. We went to the ENT today and DS will be getting tubes on April 6th. I texted BD after the appt. I thanked him for the information and let him know that DS will be having tubes put in and when the surgery will be. He never responded. This doesn't surprise me though since DS is over a year old and BD has never once inquired about him. So here's one more question, should I continue giving him updates on DS or should I just not say anything unless I'm asked? WWYD?
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Re: Update from my last post

  • chey_lowchey_low
    i would say nothing unless asked!!! ive been there and they never asked so i never told!! unless something happened then i told... like when LO had tubes...or pneumonia... other than that i said nothing and not even a text.. hope things get better for you!!
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  • Momma2NuggetMomma2Nugget
    Thank you! Thus far, this is actually the first time since I was pregnant that I have sent BD anything in regards to DS. I figure unless it's vital (like you said, surgery or illness) there's no reason for him to know anything unless asked. I just wasn't sure if I should since he has no visitation.
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  • blondnearbyblondnearby
    Do you have a custody/visitation agreement?  Do you split legal custody?  If you don't split legal history then you do NOT have to inform him of anything.  However, it would look good on you if you did report to him regarding more serious matters like surgery, major illness or hospitalization in case he ever does decide to take you to court.  I would suggest emailing him or if you do text him, get a notebook and write what was texted, when and if there was any response.  It will make you look like you tried to involve him at least in a small way.  If it gets too overwhelming then don't bother.
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  • BostonGayGalBostonGayGal member

    Excellent of you to have given the daycare and doctor his info such that they could speak to him if her were to contact them.  Continue to do that sort of thing. Otherwise, you are fine to only contact him in situations of invasive health procedures and such.  

    It is a balance between wanting him to continue not to interfere, and wanting him to have sufficient access to information such that if it were ever at issue in court, you have proof that you have never denied him access or acted surreptitiously to make decisions on your son's behalf with which you know the father would disagree.  I like mail and email for that purpose, with an extra copy printed and saved in a file you keep.



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  • Momma2NuggetMomma2Nugget
    Thank you! In the court order it is set up so that he has no visitation (his request) and I am listed as the managing conservator with sole decision making concerning health, education and welfare of DS as well we the right to determine our primary residence without regard to geographic location (as worded in the papers). So basically I can choose where we live, where DS goes to school and all of that without having to consult with BD.
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