My sister isn't coming to my shower... VENT!

EMLYNNLERETTE · March 2011

I am so upset! Apparently April 16th is her husbands birthday and that is the exact day of my step-moms shower! My sister has known this for two months but hasn't said anything about it until now?! And she is trying to do everything to make me feel bad that I won't change the date. My husband starts his new job on the 1st and I want to be around the first couple of weeks for support (not to mention to settle into our new home!) Then the weekend after the 16th is the weekend before my cousins baby shower so I think that will be stealing her thunder... Then after that we are into May and I just don't want to be driving 7 hours to go to a shower... I keep telling her that it is too close to my due date and that I don't feel comfortable pushing it that close and not to mention I will be 8 months pregnant! She has 2 kids, is she forgetting what being pregnant feels like or is she just being ignorant?! She did the same thing for our wedding and she was my MOH! She tried telling me that she might not make it to my wedding etc. etc. then followed it up a week after we got back from our honeymoon to tell me she was upset that she even had to fly out for my wedding... WHO THE **** SAYS THAT?! She is acting like she is the one planning my shower(s) and that they should be rescheduled. I love her, but obviously her priorities are not in the right order... Is it me or do people usually have a birthday EVERY year anyway? Am I being selfish or is she?

cvl105 · March 2011

You are NOT being selfish, she is. I mean, who cares that it's his birthday? Maybe we are weird...but a birthday is a birthday.

raeg13 · March 2011

She is definitely being ridiculous. You have every right to be pissed.

maiziejenga · March 2011

Does she have to travel a long distance to get to the shower? There may be another reason there and she's using the birthday as a convienent way of not getting into the whole story.

IdigDirt · March 2011

How far would she have to travel? I think she is being selfish and I can't believe she said crap about your wedding. Who does she think she is?

My sister is also not coming to my shower but I will give her a pass since it would be a long flight from Korea

kevinslove · March 2011

I do not think you are being selfish. Like pp, does she have to drive a long way to get to the shower? If it were my sister and my husband's birthday, I would go to the shower during the day and do something for my husband at night (or the next night). I would make sure to make it to my sister's shower because I know it is important.

KYBABY2011 · March 2011

She's not coming because of her husband's birthday???? SERIOUSLY???? Oh my. Your shower is not an all day thing (well mine isn't anyway), so they could go out that night or celebrate on another day. I am so sorry that she's being ridiculous. You're definitely not being selfish on this one IMO.

jjones59 · March 2011

no that's pretty ridiculous, I'd be upset too. I mean its not like your shower is 24 hours long, and she can celebrate her husband's birthday after.....my dads birthday is the same weekend as both of my showers and were celebrating his bday after my shower---that's nuts.

EMLYNNLERETTE · March 2011

My sister only has to travel less than 30 minutes to my Dad's house. Thanks guys, I was really wondering if I was being irrational because she has a way of making me feel like crap and that I am still the "little" sister and can't plan well. I wish she would just get hit in the head and be like "Oh, Emily's shower IS important... Silly me!"

Pinkwoman · March 2011

I mean, that sucks that she is being so difficult, but why would you want to FORCE someone to come if they obviously don't want to? Just tell her that is the date of your shower, and that you would really like her to come, and leave it at that. It is in her court. You will have fun regardless. I know I would much rather my sister stay home if she is going to be crabby anyways

Temp356619000002780 · March 2011

Do you guys have sisterly jealousy? Sounds like it to me. My older sister and I are real close. We talk everyday and skype every other day and she lives across town, but she acts like this when I have a special occasion going on in my life. Same issues with my shower too..

chloephoebecali · March 2011

mari2003:
Do you guys have sisterly jealousy? Sounds like it to me. My older sister and I are real close. We talk everyday and skype every other day and she lives across town, but she acts like this when I have a special occasion going on in my life. Same issues with my shower too..

Totally this, but I don't have a sister. Sounds like she is jealous of you in general. Why can't she just go out to dinner with her H that night? I'm sure your shower is only a few hours and if not, she could celebrate the night before. I'm sure her H could care less, too, and it is all her. Sorry about your crappy sister!

Phlenin · March 2011

Sounds lame to me on her part. I'd be offended too.

EMLYNNLERETTE · March 2011

mari2003:
Do you guys have sisterly jealousy? Sounds like it to me. My older sister and I are real close. We talk everyday and skype every other day and she lives across town, but she acts like this when I have a special occasion going on in my life. Same issues with my shower too..

Sisterly jealousy eh? I never thought of it, but I just asked my husband and he said probably. We used to be pretty close, but since the whole wedding deal and afterward I expressed that we were trying to get pregnant right away she flat out told me she didn't think we should have a baby yet... I haven't really been that open with her since. I didn't tell her that we were pregnant until I told just about everyone else. I still feel upset about the way she acted about all of it but I wouldn't tell her that. I don't really know why she would be jealous... I mean, she does have everything I have... (But MY husband is better!

Temp356619000002780 · March 2011

EMLYNNLERETTE:
mari2003:
Do you guys have sisterly jealousy? Sounds like it to me. My older sister and I are real close. We talk everyday and skype every other day and she lives across town, but she acts like this when I have a special occasion going on in my life. Same issues with my shower too..
Sisterly jealousy eh? I never thought of it, but I just asked my husband and he said probably. We used to be pretty close, but since the whole wedding deal and afterward I expressed that we were trying to get pregnant right away she flat out told me she didn't think we should have a baby yet... I haven't really been that open with her since. I didn't tell her that we were pregnant until I told just about everyone else. I still feel upset about the way she acted about all of it but I wouldn't tell her that. I don't really know why she would be jealous... I mean, she does have everything I have... (But MY husband is better!

I could stem from childhood. I blame my parents for how my sister acts. I am spoiled and was my parents favorite so my sister always felt left out. She loved me dearly, but hated how unfair our parents where. So her jealousy comes out in odd ways and at the wrong time. I had to pick up the expenses for my cake, tables and chairs that where rented, for my shower. My sister just hates when I get to be the center of attention and unfortunately I am now more than ever... Just sounds like maybe your sister just wants to have the baby first, or wants to make sure yours are not to close to hers... Wo knows, she has issues... lol

Syncronicity09 · March 2011

Your shower is not 24 hours long right? Wont she have enough time in one day to devote to 2 people, or does her H need to be waited on hand and food for the whole day? You are not being selfish, i think your sister is being ridiculous.

helenejr · March 2011

cvl105:
You are NOT being selfish, she is. I mean, who cares that it's his birthday? Maybe we are weird...but a birthday is a birthday.

and might i add - it's not like she can't still celebrate his birthday... just celebrate that night, or the next day or day before..... i think she is being irrational.

mesr · March 2011

eh, it's just a shower. the wedding thing would have driven me up the wall and made me want to disown her. but a shower is just a shower. not a big deal if she isn't there.

AmsterdamMa*am · March 2011

she's acted like this before (probably a lot) so you should expect no different in this situation. Sorry she is this way, but it sounds predictable at least...

eaduvall · March 2011

she sounds like my sister (btw i'm the oldest)! i actually told my sister 3 weekends i was thinking of and told her to pick one. so basically she picked the date and then she tells me that dates not the best! WTF?! you picked it. if you don't come whatever I'm over it. so she will probably leave early. ugghh. obviously guilt is not working so be blunt...tell her that you can not move the date and if she can't make it that's too bad!

prncsstp · March 2011

mesr:
eh, it's just a shower. the wedding thing would have driven me up the wall and made me want to disown her. but a shower is just a shower. not a big deal if she isn't there.

I think I feel this way. Its just a baby shower. If she can't make it - don't let it ruin your day! My mom, dad, AND stepmom aren't coming to my shower (easter weekend) due to various reasons - travel being one of them... and I am not offended at all.

That being said.... if it is feasible to the host (your stepmom)... moving the shower to the weekend after (which is also the weekend before your cousins shower) is not stealing your cousins thunder.... Its not like its the same day. And if having your sister there at the shower means THAT much to you - then I would do it.

samfish2bcrab · March 2011

It's a baby shower. Not a big deal.

bestmaid6 · March 2011

It sounds like she really likes having something to hold over you and make you feel guilty about. I have family members that tend to do the same thing. You just need to ignore it. When she says "I don't think I can make it" say "I'm sorry to hear that, it really would be nice to have you there." Leave it at that. She'll keep trying to push your buttons but you have to brush it off. Once she sees that she can't manipulate the situation in her favor, she just might come around and attend the shower.

Sue_sue · March 2011

Well, I think she certainly enjoys your reaction when she makes her various excuses. Of course she's being obnoxious, and she knows it; and she continues to do it, so she's getting something out of it, which is the big drama of the fight over which is more important, her dh's BIRTHDAY or your SHOWER, omg what a stupid fight.

It would be helpful for you, and infuriating for her, if you could take her declinations very calmly, with a "well we'll miss you" or "hope you change your mind" and dropping the subject completely. You'll avoid whatever drama she's spoiling for, and lessen the insult to you by lessening her opportunity to tell you over and over how little she cares about your special parties/occasions.

Generally, etiquette wise, an invitation is just an invitation, not a subpoena. When she's invited somewhere, your sister is supposed to accept or decline; not demand changes in the dates, start fights about what's more important, etc. And when she tells you no, I can't come, you're supposed to say "I'm so sorry, we'll miss you", not argue about how important it is to you or how much more important your occasion is than what she's got planned, even if her plan is to stay home and grout tile. She's picking the fight; but you do not have to engage.

stampygarrett · March 2011

Well, if it makes you feel any better - my aunts encouraged me to do the shower in my hometown saying it would be "so much fun" for everybody to come down and see where I live and make a weekend out of it. Well, guess what, the shower is March 27th and now nobody is coming because they don't want to spend the money to travel. Ok - I wouldn't have decided to have it here if they didn't insist! And my mom and MIL invited 5 people each - yep, that is all. They felt bad inviting people because we are doing it out of town... okay, again, if I had known we wouldn't invite anybody and that no family would come I wouldn't have planned it here! Thank goodness I met a lot of women in the neighborhood (I pretty much just moved here) otherwise I wouldn't have anybody to invite.

BUT that may not matter anyway because I have still yet to see an invitation! Thanks sis for getting those out on time!

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